His head slowly turned along with the hand that put the water bottle down. The smile that slowly spread across his face overlapped more clearly with that of the past. Yes, those dimples. It was the same face I had seen inside the suffocating mascot head. How could that guy from 5 years ago be here, and be the madman? Surely, he already knew it was me. Otherwise, he wouldn't be smiling like that.
"Did you know me from the start?"
Instead of answering, he slowly took another sip of water. He emptied the remaining water in the bottle at once and squeezed the bottle hard enough to hear a 'click'. The empty plastic bottle twisted and fell from his hand to the floor and he brought his empty hand to my face. When his hand approached as though planning to cover my eyes, I furrowed my brows and turned away, but his hand arrived first. His thumb brushed my eye before pulling away as a nonchalant question followed.
"Are you done crying?"
"…"
"Do you know what pissed me off the most when you screwed me over and ran away five years ago?"
"I've never screwed you over."
"I even gave you money, what are you talking about?" I spoke firmly and tried to raise my body which was feeling like I'd been beaten with a stick, but he pressed down on my shoulder, preventing me from getting up. A dry voice interrupted as I tried to remove his arm.
"You did enough just by not taking off your costume."
I stopped dead in my tracks because I was surprised by the answer. I was expecting him to say something about throwing 20,000 won at him hurting his pride or making his aching hand hurt even more. I looked up and asked,
"You think I hid my face?"
His eyes turned cold as his lips twisted.
"It doesn't matter. The problem is that you ran away before I could see."
What would he even do when he saw my face? It's not like he would fall in love with a strange sex partner. He spoke slowly, as if suppressing the rebuttal that came from within.
"I wanted to make sure you were crying."
"…"
"I wanted to see you cry."
His hand came close to my eyes again. I didn't avoid it this time. His fingers touched my eyebrows and slowly moved down to the corners of my eyes, caressing the soft flesh beneath them. I wanted to turn my head because of the uncomfortable feeling, but I couldn't do anything as I was staring into the cold eyes.
"I was very curious about how sad it would be conveyed to me."
I remembered what he had said before.
'I've never been one to agree that it is really sad when someone cry. But just once, when I saw someone crying, I felt a faint feeling of sadness. To the point where it actually makes me numb.'
Did he mean that about me? I repeated the question I asked earlier.
"Did you know it was me the whole time?"
"No."
Answering easily, he removed his hand and ran it through his own bangs.
"I knew halfway through, when you came to me in a mascot suit."
Mascot suit? Then, I remembered. When I found out that the madman was Director Yoon, I was furious and chased after him wearing the same clothes as I did at an event. But it made no sense.
"It's not even the same costume."
I raised my upper body and sat down with my back against the headboard of the bed. When I moved my body, my body ached as though I had been hit with a club, but I didn't show it, keeping our eyes level.
"And you recognized me just because I was wearing a costume?"
"Then, how did you know?"
"…"
"How did you know I was the first person who fucked you five years ago?"
The word "first" had a hint of laughter, so I slightly frowned. Come to think of it, I've told him about that before, damn it. However, I couldn't help but make more of a face by what he said next.
"Ah, did you remember after holding my dick? That it's the one that fucked you before."
"Cut the nonsense."
He let out a small chuckle.
"You're back to your usual self."
"…"
"Isn't it fascinating? You cried so much because it was painful and difficult, but now you can talk to me as usual without any problems."
Fascinating, was that the right word? What was certain was that my mood was completely different from a few minutes ago. To the point where I wonder if this was a dream.
"That's what being alive is like."
When I raised my eyes to the dry voice, I met eyes as emotionless as the voice.
"Even if it's painful enough to death, at some point you forget it and it doesn't matter, and then you feel pleasure, even when you don't want to."
He lowered his eyes and glanced at my lower body covered in the blanket. The lower body, like the exposed upper body, was not wearing anything. It was covered with a blanket, but it felt like he could see my bare skin.
"Clinging to me, crying and cumming is nothing."
He raised his eyes and added coldly.
"Accept it. These things are a natural price for living."
"I know. Now I do too."
I answered briefly, lowering my eyes for a moment. Immediately, his hand grabbed my chin and our eyes met.
"Not enough. You know that the time has come to let go of your tiresome guilt."
I pushed his arm hard with my hand and turned away.
"That I will decide."
When I would throw it away, or if I would still carry it with me. Even if my sobs unleashed a grief I didn't know I had, it didn't mean that I also expelled the guilt. Rather, I was able to accept it more calmly. Yes, calmly. This was the accurate expression.
The guilt used to weigh me down and become an overwhelming burden whenever I thought about the past, but now it felt strangely like a part of me. Like it had settled from my shoulders to my chest. It was a little less breathless. But still the fear that I was alive. And the fear that this would never die inside me.
Right now, I was just afraid to think about it, so I deliberately looked away. I thought I would hear the word 'tiresome' from his mouth again, but he just looked at me indifferently and changed the subject.
"I knew it by your voice."
I was about to ask him what he was talking about, but then realized it was the reason he recognized it by wearing the mascot suit. But the voice? A look of puzzlement appeared in my eyes, and a languid smile appeared on his lips.
"The only thing I remember about you back then was your voice through the mascot head and your tattoos. So when I met you at the hotel at xxx and checked out your tattoo, I was really struck."
"Meeting the enemy you've been looking for so much?"
He smiled deeply and leaned over to me and whispered.
"Because that enemy is you."
"…"
"And you? How did you know it was me? I thought you wouldn't know until I told you because you're so dull."
Then, he added, "Hmm," with some nonsense.
"As expected, did you feel the familiarity of holding my dick?"
"Damn, it's just that I just remembered."
Crazy guy. I added quickly before he could continue the nonsense again.
"… I was crying, so. That's why I remembered that time."
I was embarrassed to cry in front of him. Hell, I wish I had worn a mascot costume this time too. Twice in front of that punk.
"That's no fun. I would have given you a gift if you had remembered the power of my fucking."
"It's not fun for me either, and I don't need any gifts."
"Is that so? But it's a good bait that can agitate Song Myungshin? Shouldn't you make him spend more money as soon as possible?"
He was right. I was using the car Myungshin was obsessed with to get him to spend money, but it might be possible to borrow that much elsewhere instead of taking out a private loan. But I didn't want to obey the guy's words anymore. He was asking for it so openly.
"Say it. That you liked it when I fucked you."
I looked at him quietly, then turned my eyes to the upper body inside the bathrobe.
"If you let me fuck you."
Slowly, the corners of his mouth rose and dimples formed. As if it was really funny, his eyes twinkled with amusement.
"Do it if you can."
And soon, eyes glistening with greed scanned my lower body again.
"From now on, you won't even be able to straighten your back properly."
The intent of the eyes looking up at me was clear. I was about to let out a curse again, but the gaze that threatened to attack me felt so animalistic that I felt chills in my body. Fuck, my whole body still ached.
"I'll give you 20,000 won, so go away."
The upper body of the guy which had been leaning toward me returned to its original position. Looking at his twitching eyebrows, I could tell he was remembering what had happened. His eyes didn't smile, but his lips did.
"Come to think of it, I still have the 20,000 won you gave me back then. Do you know why?"
Maybe he kept it because he was pissed off. Maybe it was because of his personality, that he didn't want to forget what happened. It seemed like he would come up with an eerie reason, but I replied calmly.
"Since it was the first money you made with your body, you must have kept it as a memento. no?"
He laughed and suddenly grabbed my shoulder.
"That's right. It was a memento."
And then gave me an answer that was more appalling than I expected.
"To use when masturbating. Every time I see it, it reminds me of the time I used to drive it into your body, and it makes me hard. I get hot thinking about it, but it's hot down there. Because your body was so fucking hot."
A chill ran down his back as he saw his narrowed eyes, as if looking at prey.
"So, it doesn't matter if You give it to me again here. It only turns me on more."
As he spoke, I redefined him: not just a madman, but a pervert. And he moved his body over me as if he was going to go down on me. Was this punk really going to do it again? In fear, I raised my arm and tried to push him away, but my luck came from elsewhere.
'Buzz— Buzz—'
The vibrating sound of his phone made him stop and turn around just as he was about to climb on top of me. Only then did I realize it was still the middle of the day when he was supposed to be working, so I prompted,
"Isn't it time for you to work?"
Glancing down at me, he then slipped out of bed and picked up the phone on the table.
"Yes."
After listening to the other person expressionlessly for a while, he spat out after a while.
"I thought I instructed you not to call unless it was urgent."
Then, silence again. It seemed like the other person was making excuses, he immediately cut off the other person's words.
"I'm off today."
What? This workaholic was a break from work? When I doubted my ears at the unbelievable words, he said what he had to say and hung up the phone. He even switched it off. Then, as if he had remembered me, who was in a daze, he informed me.
"Oh, I already told him that you're taking the day off when your manager called."
"Did you take my call?"
"Yeah."
Damn, unlike me who was about to curse, he replied casually and tried to get back on the bed. I sighed, raised my aching body, and quickly dodged to the side.
"Isn't the manager surprised to hear you?"
"Why would he be surprised?"
Knowing I was going to say it was because he was Director Yoon, he added an explanation.
"He didn't know who I was. Ah, although he did freak out afterward when I told him."
"You… Did you say you were Director Yoon?"
Then he raised one knee on the bed and smiled. It was a very uneasy smile, so I couldn't help but be nervous.
"No. I gave the name stored on your phone. Did you save me as 'madman'?"
I didn't know why I felt like a student called before the teacher for doing something wrong. I refrained from wanting to avert my gaze, and deliberately responded firmly.
"You're indeed mad."
His eyes narrowed again, seeming to study me, before returning to their original position.
"Well, it doesn't matter. No matter what I do to you in the future, you'll understand everything just because I'm a madman, so it'll be easy, on the contrary."
Wondering what he was going to do to me, I glared at him, judging that I'd rather fight him and get beaten up. It was inevitable that the penis of the guy who had already had an erection was making the gown bulge. He smiled and deliberately untied the straps of the gown tied around his waist, as if he knew I was looking down. He quickly became naked as if it were natural.
"When you get scared, it makes me want to pounce on you rather. Do you know that's more arousing?"
"Who's scared?"
Saying this, I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. He looked down at me for a moment, as if appreciating the ridiculousness of my gesture.
"It might have worked five years ago when I had injured one of my hands, but it's better to give up now. Well, I'm also fine with pouncing on you."
There was a part of me that agreed with him. I should have killed him five years ago, not just his hand.
"Watch your mouth. You might end up with your hand in a cast again."
The chances of me making it look slim, but I didn't want to lose with words. But he smiled and asked.
"Did you hear? The reason I put a cast on my hand five years ago was because I was injured in a fight?"
A fight… I couldn't hide my rare surprised eyes as they widened.
"Fight? Are you saying you got beaten up in a fight? By who?"
"You already met him."
"So who… !"
There was only one person that came to mind at the moment.
"My road manager?"
I asked stupidly, forgetting to hide my surprise. He meekly nodded his head.
"Yeah. Shit, I got hit in the blink of an eye while I was distracted for a second when I smashed his knee."
'Smashed his knee'… It reminds me of the words of the road manager who insisted very strongly that he had arthritis. Then I heard the cold voice of the madman.
"How is he?"
"What?"
"Is that person still mad? Every time we meet again, I call him to get revenge on him, but every time he says some nonsense about a bad knee. Fuck, I have to smash his hand."
Revenge? The uncle said his knees were bad? However, the madman must have been angry when he remembered what happened then, and his eyes lit up. If you had a stalker like that, you have no choice but to create arthritis that doesn't exist. But then he asked again.
"I heard that person clashed with Chairman Kim's underling?"
"…"
"How was it?"
"… He seemed to have severe arthritis."
I lied to save one person. However, I was worried about my knees when I met the eyes of the guy who was coldly staring at me to verify the authenticity of my words. Or rather, I was worried about my back.
"Hey."
I quickly called out to him and ran my hand through my throbbing head.
"I'm hungry. Let's eat something."
At the same time, I let out a low sigh, and he unexpectedly backed off meekly. Even though he did add,
"Yes, you should have the strength to cling to me too."