Entering the bathroom, I took of my clothes, if you could even call them that. They were ripped and shredded and they were full of bloodstains.
Probably have to clean them but I'll do that later. For now I just wanted to clean myself up so I can join Alice and dad for her birthday.
'I hope they like the cake, wonder what it tastes like. Who knows, perhaps I'll be able to taste it someday.'
Entering the shower I turned the sink on and soon after cold water rained upon me.
"Sheeshhh! That's cold! This is why I hate showering." I mean, who likes cold showers? Certainly not me.
Than why would I take them? Well, as you can see, I am quite poor. So things like hot showers are a little too expensive for me unfortunately.
I remember the last time I took one. It was a little before I turned ten. Mom was still with us back then. Those were the good days. But it al went wrong the day I turned ten. Mom disappeared and many other things went wrong.
Struggling to feed my family, I went to the pits as it was the only way for some kid like me to earn some money. But I was ignorant, what was some stupid little kid supposed to do in the pits. I am lucky to be alive right now.
Though for me, lucky isn't the correct word. It's more like 'what a pity' for me. Would have spared me a lot of trouble.
Washing of the grime and blood off of me felt quite relieving. Last time I took a shower was a week ago. I didn't have the luxury to shower often unfortunately.
And yes, I pretty much spend a week with blood and everything on my body. Though sometimes I jump into a river to wash some of it off, but I still stink regardless. I sleep a bit away from dad and Alice so they won't get disturbed by the smell.
It didn't take me longer than ten minutes to finish my shower. Getting out of the shower I dried myself up and took my only spare clothes and put them on.
Looking at the mirror, I could finally see my face properly for the first time in a week.
Wish it was a good sight though. My face was dry and I had sunken cheeks, probably due to malnourishment. I had huge bangs under my eyes due to a shortage of sleep.
I wasn't really tall, due to malnourishment and me pretty much being injured all the time. I'd say that I'm 175 cm. My body, full of scars, I'd say It's almost more scar than normal skin.
Pretty much, I looked like I could die any moment. But it hasn't stopped me from defeating all those scum in the pits.
Alright, enough self-diminishment. I should check up on Dad and Alice.
I made my way to the door and left the bathroom. Entering the door to the living room, I saw a table with two people next to it.
One was my little angel of a sister, Alice. Fortunately, I managed to feed her enough and so she doesn't have a sunken face like I do.
And then next to her was a man in a weelchair. Like usual, he had the same old sad expression. That was my father.
Though unlike Alice and me, he just had normal black hair with black eyes. Our traits came mostly from our mother.
As I approached them, I saw the cake on the table. It seemed they had put candles into Alice's slice." Yo, what are you guys doing?"
Turning around to see me, my dad was the first to greet me. "Alan, son, welcome back" He put up a warm smile which unfortunately failed to reach his eyes.
My heart ached at the sight.
'I just don't know how I can help him. I try my best, really. I make sure both he and Alice are fed and that they don't have to worry about anything and yet, I can't seem to get him happy.'
Well, I guess I'm just not doing enough. I feel like the shitty son I am. Can't even make my own father happy.
"So, what are you guys doing?" I asked again. This time the one to answer me was Alice.
"We were waiting for you, Al. I can't blow my candles without you dummy. What if it causes my wish to not come true? It'd be your fault!" Her answer left me a bit confused but also amused.
A wish? Hah! Like that would come true.
"Haha. Did you eat something wrong birthday girl? You don't really believe in something as ridiculous as wishes do you?" I said with a slightly mocking tone, hoping to annoy her a little.
And indeed It did. I could already see her getting angry. "Hmph. Just you wait. My wish will definitely come true." She declared.
"And what will be your wish if you mind answering this humble servant of yours?" I asked with a slight bow, hoping to appease her a little.
"Can't tell you. If I tell you then it won't come true. I'll tell you when it has come true." Well, that's a boring answer.
But hey, I at least made her smile a bit. The cake seemed pretty nice, wish I could try it as well.
"All right before you blow your candles we have to sing you a song don't we, right dad?" I said and also asking my father.
He just slowly tilted his head and opened his mouth." I suppose we do."
Can't you be a bit more exited, or at least pretend? It's your kid here you know.
"Alright, I'll sing it. Happy birth-." And so I sang a pathetic children's song, critically injuring my self-esteem, but I could at least see Alice who was genuinely happy.
Is she though? I'm not sure. Would I be happy in her circumstances? A depressed father. A brother she never sees, living a shabby life. Is she really happy? Well, I probably would but my standards to be happy are pretty low.
But suddenly I started to wonder something. "Hey so Alice, what did you wish for? I should have the right to know since I bought you this cake no?" I asked while also trying to guilt trip her. I hope it works.
But it seems it wasn't that easy. I just received a simple."NOOO!" And she just turned away.
Then she turned back to me and said. "I'll let you know when it comes true."
Well, that's boring. What is the use of her telling me when I already know it. "Sure sure. Go eat your cake, you are starting to bore me."
"Okay." And immediately, she started munching on the cake.
No hesitation it seems. Well it does look really delicious. It's chocolate cover and a cherry on top with a bit of whip cream.
"Growl."
Staring at the cake apparently seemed to make my stomach hungry and I just realized a drool had formed on my face.
But fortunately it seems Alice hadn't noticed so I quickly wiped it off.
But then I turned around to see my father staring at me. A frown on his face. He then opened his mouth." Son, can I speak to you privately? There is something we need to discuss."
Wow. Haven't seen him so serieus in a while. Wonder what he wants to discuss." Oh, sure dad. But were do you want to discuss? I'm pretty sure you know but this is the only room besides the bathroom."
He moved his weelchair around a bit before he answered. "Let's just go outside. Alice, honey. You stay here and eat your cake."
Alice, who seemed to still be munching on her cake stopped for a sec and answered." Okay." And started to eat again.
'She'll become a fat pig at this rate. Well, would've been nice if I could manage to obtain that much food.'
Alright, I'm downgrading myself too much today. Wasn't this supposed to be a good day? Why do I only seem to hate my pathetic self even more.
Moving towards my father, I grabbed the back of his wheelchair and pushed him towards the door. After that I left the building.
Currently in front of our house, I started to get curious. My father hasn't really been talkative ever since 'that' happened.
"So dad, what do you wanna talk about? It's been a while since we've had a normal talk you know. With me being every other day in the ring and you being a bit depressed." Though it might sound mean, it's starting to annoy me that I can't seem to get him happy.
'Perhaps that's what had been annoying me all day. It's Alice's birthday for damn sake! I bought you a cake for a reason, can't you just be happy for once!'
My father looked at me for a couple of seconds and straight up asked."You haven't eaten anything have you?" Ahh, seems he noticed.
Well let's just lie to him. Even if he noticed it, it's not like he can be 100% sure. "Of coure I have, were did you get that idea from."
Well that's that, I guess this is where this conversation ends. Or at least, that's what I thought. But I suddenly saw my father's expression turn to an enraged one.
He opened his mouth and screamed." DONT LIE TO ME! I know you haven't eaten anything. Even worse, I know you only eat once every three days. You think I haven't noticed your stomach growling? Your drooling? Why'd you give me the cake if you need it more?"
"Ahh" I stumbled a bit backwards. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I didn't know my father was capable of getting this mad. He barely even speaks.
I just looked down, trying to avoud his gaze before I answered. "It doesn't matter if I don't eat. I just need to feed you and Alice. I'll be fine.
He just scoffed at what I was saying." Puhh. You'll be fine huhh? Look at you! You are basically a walking corpse."
True, true. But can't admit that can we?" I'm already used to it so it's fine."
My father didn't respond this time. Instead I saw his angry expression go away from his face, replaced by the usual sad expression.
Seems like this conversation is over.
But then he turned to look at me again." Tell me, what is the duty of a father?"
'So many questions. Can't you just eat your damn cake.'
I just responded with a carefree expression on my face."I don't know. Probably something like taking care of the family."
But I put hands in front of my mouth as I suddenly realized my mistake.
'Why did I say that? Now he's gonna feel even more useless.'
But it was already too late. My father heard what I said. A sad smile already formed on his face.
"Taking care of the family huh? Then I guess I'm not much of a father am I?" He responded
Dang it. He really does feel useless now.
"No dad. You're not a bad father. You didn't choose to get crippled. And if that bi-, woman, hadn't left us we wouldn't have been in this state."
Memories of a woman resurfaced. The most beautiful person I have ever seen. Long white hair and golden eyes just like Alice. The one I loved the most. The one who abandoned us.
I can still remember that face filled with disgust looking at me. To this day I still wonder what changed in her for this to happen.
Back to reality. It seemed my father was about to speak again." No. I am indeed a useless father. You said I couldn't do anything about becoming a cripple but look at you. You were a kid when you entered the pits. Yet you managed."
Ahh. He feels guilty about me. He shouldn't. It's not like I don't want to do it for them.
But his next words shook me.
"Perhaps I should kill myself. Perhaps it is the only thing I can do for you as a father to make your life easier. You won't have to take care of m-"
I cut him off.
"DADDD!" I screamed.
"Kill yourself?! Are you crazy?! If I wanted you dead I wouldn't have fed you!"
Tears started to form in my eyes. I continued.
"I don't need you to take care of me. All I need is for you to exist. You and Alice. That's all I want." I finished but it seemed my father was still not convinced.
"Still. If you had simply abandoned us, you could have lived a proper life. With your skill it shouldn't have been hard."
A vein bulged on my forehead hearing this. This old man is starting to get on my nerves.
"Dad. The reason I stayed is because I love you guys. You guys are my purpose for existing. Please just don't think you are useless. I just need you guys to be happy, okay?"
My answer this time seemed to have taken him aback. A sorry expression formed on his face." I'm sorry son. It's just that I felt useless al these years. Having to watch my son come back with severe injuries while not being able to do anything."
"It's okay dad. Let's go back inside. Alice must be waiting for us."
Phew. It seems like I fixed this problem. What a bad day.
And so I took my dad back inside. Alice had finished her cake and my father soon as well.
We celebrated a bit more and before I knew it, it was midnight. Alice and dad already went to sleep.
"I guess I should sleep too." And that is what I did. Lying down on the floor, it didn't take me long to fall asleep.
And when I woke up. It was the worst day of my life.
My father hanged himself.
All I could do was stare at his hanging body as tears were flowing down my cheek. Alice was still asleep so she didn't see anything.
"Liar."