Han Dongchen was somewhat at a loss due to Su Xiaowan, who had thrown herself into his arms. His hand, which had been extended in mid-air, slowly retracted and landed on Su Xiaowan's shoulder, gently patting her, as soothing as one would comfort a child. He didn't know what to say, so he just silently comforted her like this.
After an unknown amount of time, Su Xiaowan finally stopped crying, her emotions fully vented, before she realized her embarrassment.
Upon getting up, she saw that Han Dongchen's chest was soaked with tears.
Su Xiaowan adjusted her emotions, raised her head slowly and looked at Han Dongchen, saying, "Thank you."
Upon seeing her recover, Han Dongchen also sighed in relief. He thought to himself: she must have been so aggrieved. Seeing her so distressed, his heart ached. From now on, he would have to treat her well, never again letting her be so sad and upset.
Su Xiaowan didn't know about Han Dongchen's thoughts. She looked at the bun she had taken a bite out of and bashfully suggested, "Um, Brother Dongchen, you should eat this, I'm full."
Han Dongchen looked at the young girl in front of him, her face flushed with embarrassment as she asserted that she was full. As she pursed her lips, her eyes kept glancing at the meat bun. He was a little amused by the mood that came so quickly and left just as fast. To him, she was just a little girl yet to grow up.
He humorously replied, "Really full? Hmm, the bun smells quite good."
Su Xiaowan's eyes widened, she glanced at him and then at the meat bun, looking reluctant. Taking a gallant stand, she held the bun to Han Dongchen and said: "I'm full. The meat bun is really nice, you should eat this instead of the cornbread, it's too coarse and might scratch your throat."
Han Dongchen observed every bit of her expression and found it amusing. He then said sternly, "No worries, you eat it. You're so thin; you should eat more. As for me, being rough around the edges, I am used to everything, and I like it this way."
Su Xiaowan looked at him seriously. After realizing that he wasn't just being modest or polite, she heaved a sigh of relief and said, "Alright then, thank you, Brother Dongchen, you are really nice." No matter what, she had managed to save the meat bun.
After saying that, she nodded at Han Dongchen and turned to continue eating the bun. Inside, she was berating herself: "Su Xiaowan, look at what you stooped to just for a meat bun! What happened to your principles? Have they all been devoured by a dog?"
Han Dongchen had already bought the train tickets when he went out to buy meat buns. After we ate, we rested for a while and then boarded the train.
The train was slow, and at every small station, it made a stop. There weren't many people on board.
After getting on the train, I found a seat near the window and sat down. Han Dongchen also sat down next to me. In this era, sleeper car tickets were not like in modern times where anyone can buy one. You had to be an official, and there was a lot of red tape involved which made it quite troublesome. However, for hard seats, anyone could sit, and no one cared who took which seat first. Luckily, there weren't many people traveling at this time, perhaps due to the small station.
Once seated, I opened the window. The train slowly pulled away from the station. The older-style train was slow, but it had the advantage of allowing you to open its windows.
Looking outside, small trees had just sprouted, and the wheat was already growing leaves, mainly because it had been sown early. Seeing the lush view took me back to my childhood when I lived in the countryside for a while. I remember how every Dragon Boat Festival, my mother would say that using the morning dew on the wheat to wash your face would keep you energetic and bright for the whole year. Rolling in the wheat field would drive away the unlucky spirits, bringing good luck.
In May, the Northeast was still a bit chilly. The smell of fresh soil filled the air, a smell I liked. Now was the prime time of agricultural busy season, a season full of hope.
Su Xiaowan was looking at the fertile land, the blue sky, the white clouds, and the hardworking farmers. Everything felt fresh and alive in this special era.
It was like her own new life; though she didn't know why she was reborn, it was a kind of fortune.
Reflecting on her past life, she had been always busy, never stopping to truly enjoy life and experience its joys.
Looking back now, what she was chasing and hoping for, even the so-called love, was all meaningless. Perhaps Yuan Kai did like her at one point. But the me who had gone from heaven to hell, the me who had become insecure, sensitive, and cowardly, the me who was clueless when facing the light, anxious about losing and was afraid, was likely already despised by him.
Why would such an observant man as him pass up such an opportunity? A naive, obedient, easy-to-control little girl who could provide him money to squander without fear of being exposed. He didn't need to pay a high price; a little time and sweet words were all it took. What a profitable deal.
He just took advantage of my weaknesses, only the abuse lasted a bit longer.
Who could I blame? Who could I blame for being so naive? I had bumped into not one, but multiple women with Yuan Kai. Every time I confronted him about flirting with others, he would fly into a rage and then easily appease me, and then I would feel guilty for misunderstanding him and became increasingly nice to him.
Thinking about it now, the choices I made and everything I endured were all due to my own desires. Those concessions I made, the shame I endured, it was all due to my blind devotion. I deserved it all for not knowing people's true colors.
My best friend, Xiaowen, had tried to persuade me countless times, but her words never sunk in. It was like going through a maze, she could see more clearly from her vantage point, while I stumbled around blindly. She was anxious for me, but even so, she never gave up and kept telling me her life lessons.
I think that is what a true friend does! Even if you hurt them, they still stick with you.
Sometimes at gatherings, I witnessed her and her husband's harmonious interaction. Seeing them made me envious: even approaching her thirties, she still lived her life like a young girl. She was charming, lively, glowing, and happy. The happiness was evident in her face.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw my pale face behind the black-framed glasses, and felt my lonely heart. I couldn't help but feel envious.
Xiaowen often said: "Women should treat themselves well. If you don't respect or take care of yourself, who will?"
After I left, she must have been heartbroken!