ALLISHA'S POV
" You! I got a call from your teacher and she wanted us to go see her because your grades aren't good enough to keep you on the top section," my mom scolded me.
The year was coming to an end, school was about to be over. I am guilty, yes, I was not studying hard enough to get to the rankings, even enough to keep my spot on the top section.
But right now, I couldn't feel anything or be hurt by my mom's words.
I only stared and let her finish all that she wanted to say and let her kill me with her glares then, it was over.
After moments of silence, she left.
What's new? I bet she wouldn't even come or attend that stupid meeting.
I walked to my room and locked it. And----my tears shred on my best friend, pillow!
I poured my heart out until I stopped when my phone vibrated.
" Oh my gosh! I almost forgot. Tomorrow will be great."
I typed and sent my response. Then I took some things out of my backpack and spent my whole night cutting and pasting.
The next morning, I just prepared breakfast and our lunchboxes then I left for school without waiting for them to wake up.
I was so excited! I felt my whole nerves wrecking. My head was beating like my heart was there in the first place.
" This is it!" I whispered as I took bigger strides to our room.
There would be few announcements and the class for this year would officially be over.
I might not be able to keep my section but at least, I passed. I still passed. Those grades were good for me. But not for them.
" Thank you to everyone, this year was a very memorable year for all of us. See you next year students!" The principal of the school announced.
I jumped off with the excitement. I grabbed my bag and fled like a flash out of the school.
" Hey! Rayz where are you going again?" Autumn asked while running after me.
I stopped by the covered pathway just outside the school gates and answered her.
" I have something to do," I mumbled.
" Rayz, please. Stop it. It's not doing you any good."
" And what do you know Autumn? Look, you and my cousin are a different story from me and Bliq."
" That's not my point. Falling in love doesn't mean you have to change yourself or do things to earn the mutual feeling you wanted to feel in return."
" Shut up! He likes me. He told me that."
" So, him liking you, required you to skip classes? Forgot studying because you needed to finish his first? Lie to your parents? Forget your friends? Spend all your allowances for his wants? Rayz, everything Bliq made you was called stupidity." Autumn said and left me standing.
I couldn't cry now. Everything Autumn had said was true. I knew, but, what he gave me— the attention, the feeling of being liked, cherished, I didn't think I'd ever have that from my family even if I tried.
I turned to keep walking away when someone approached me.
" Hey!" A girl said from behind.
I turned back to see who was it.
" Merian? What's up?" I asked.
" Well, I just wanted to say, thank you. I haven't had a chance to tell you how grateful I was for everything you did so that Fritz and I could make up. I swear, you made me realize I still do care for him. And I couldn't really lose him."
" You're welcome? Though, I really don't have any idea what you are talking about?" I said, looking confused.
" Fritz told me everything. About your deal. The pretending? The closeness? His sweetness to you? But, I also approached you because of one thing. As a girl, and because I am thankful, I wanted to tell you this."
" What?"
" Fritz is a good boy. He agreed to your suggestions because he was afraid to hurt your feelings. But not because it's okay with Fritz, it doesn't mean that it's okay for everybody. Or maybe, because you failed with Fritz, you tried your tactic with someone. I knew Bliq and Misha, they're really serious with each other and there are times every couple has their cool-off moments, so please, learn to respect yourself if you can't find the courage to respect others. Anyway, thank you again for everything. You made me see how precious Fritz is and I couldn't just let him end up with someone like---you! Bye!" Merian said and left.
What?
Am I having a nightmare?
I slapped my face and it hurt. I wasn't dreaming.
My phone vibrated and it was Bliq.
I ran and set aside whatever Merian said. She was with Fritz now and I am happy for them.
I reached Bliq's condo and entered. His friends were having a blast in the living room.
" Hey, baby girl! Bliq is in his room, have a seat. I'll call him!" One of his friends welcomed me in.
" Thank you, Trev!" I said and found a sit on his dining.
I am not really into noisy gatherings.
" Oh! Hi there little lady!" Someone said from the kitchen that made me stand up in shock.
But what made me more shocked was seeing who spoke. It was the old lady I had encountered before at the old chapel.
" Old lady?" I asked.
" I work here little lady. Why are you here? You shouldn't wander alone in places you'll get torn. Be careful!" she said and left.
"Crazy!" I hissed as I pulled a chair to sit down again.
Minutes passed and someone, a girl was approaching me. She looked older than me, like Bliq's age.
Bliq's sister?
" Hey! You've been here long?" she asked sweetly. She was wearing a white long polo and looked like she just got out of a shower. She was beautiful.
" Ahm, hi. No, I am not here for long. I am waiting for Bliq. I guess, he's still busy." I answered genuinely. I am more than excited to show him my gift for his birthday.
Her smile faded and pulled a sit in front of me. My stomach started to feel uneasy as something inside my head slowly realized things.
" How old are you?" she asked.
" I just turned thirteen last month."
" Really?" Her voice sounded so sad.
" Are you Misha?" I asked with my hand trembling so hard. I felt my whole body trembling.
" Yes. You know you are so young and you still have so many chances of meeting a proper boy, man, just your age, and will treat you the best that you deserve…"
" Oh my gosh!" I trembled in tears. " I am very sorry. I didn't know. Hm. Here, these are the ten copies of his term paper. I already paid for everything. This folder is the research paper he needed for the science investigation and this one is the related literature required for his English study paper. Tell him, I stopped by. Happy birthday to him. Bye!" I said trying to save even a little amount of shame in me.
" W-wait," Misha tried to catch up behind.
" Hey baby girl, where are you going?" Trev asked but I was in a hurry to leave the place so I bumped into someone and dropped my backpack.
The scrapbook I made last night fell and the boy I bumped into grabbed it and opened it.
" Oh, what a cutie! A scrapbook for a birthday gift. A memoir of their little love," he said and made fun of it.
" Hey give it back!" I pleaded trying all my might to keep my tears.
" Let's go!" Trev grabbed me out of the room.
When we reached the ground floor of the building, Trev held my hand and took me to a restaurant bar.
" Hey! I want to go home now Trev. Thank you for saving me." I said holding in my tears.
" No, stay. We'll eat and celebrate. I have been meaning to tell you but every time I try, Bliq would stop me. And I could see you so happy. So I am really sorry." He said sincerely.
" I am hurt!" I said and finally broke into tears.
I couldn't hold it in.
" Hey baby girl, as a big brother, don't waste your tears with someone worthless." He smiled. "OK, stay here and I'll order us food. Stop crying now ok? Wait here."
I wiped off my tears and tried hard to smile. Trev was really making an effort so I couldn't just put all those in a waste.
He returned and we ate. He even ordered a drink that tasted really good. We enjoyed our time talking and laughing.
Hours passed and I found myself with Trev in the bar part of the restaurant.
I couldn't gather myself clearly at the moment all I knew that was my head was feeling light and he was kissing me. His kissing me? I couldn't stop him. My body wouldn't even move. Everything was spinning.
Help me! What's happening?
" Hey! Come with me. We are leaving!" someone said after snatching my hand and holding it so tightly.
" Fritz?"
" What are you doing? Are you crazy?" he asked pissed off.
" She's with me!" I heard Trev say but he was knocked down by Ed and the gang.
Fritz lifted me on his left shoulder again and all I knew, I was inside his car with Ed and the others.
" She can't go home like this."
Merian?
Ahh! I feel like I'm dying.
The next morning I woke up in my bed and my whole body was trembling. I threw up and went back to my bed to recollect what happened.
" SHT!" I was exasperated as the memories of yesterday's foolishness rushed in my mind.
I went out and was expecting to get a very serious scolding but no.
" Get ready, we're running late for the mass!" My father said and smiled.
" What?" I asked in confusion.
It was too impossible for them to know what happened.
I took a bath and got dressed. We went to church and I saw mom not even looking at me. Even though that was the norm but today was somehow a very weird day!
The mass was over and people gathered outside to chat as if they never met a year.
HUMANS!
While waiting outside because, like other humans, my parents spent another hour chitchatting with their fellow humans.
" Hey! How are you?" a voice said which startled me.
" Fritz?"
" You okay now?"
" So I am not dreaming."
" I'm really sorry."
" It's okay! At least, you made me learn so many things about life."
" I hope we'll be okay next year?"
" No. I don't think I'd be studying again with you,"
" What?"
" I'll transfer. I think I could forgive you, I appreciate whatever friendship you made me feel but I couldn't really forget the things that happened and the wound you all gave me. Go! We're going home."
And I never looked back.
I wanted to burst into tears but I couldn't. I wanted to see Autumn badly. I need to say sorry.
We went home and I felt something really strange. Something was off. My body felt different.
" This is not home! This is hell! So messy! You, Allisha! I told you to clean up before leaving right?" My father shouted from the kitchen.
I looked at my brothers but gladly no signs of being terrified.
I couldn't move on the sofa. From what I remember, he just asked me to get dressed because we were running late already for the mass. Now, it was my fault? Really?
I stepped into my room and heard my mom from the other room, nagging about how messy the house was. I sighed. Father would only go crazy because if Mom's nagging him with things.
It was around eight o'clock in the evening when I finished cleaning up after dinner.
I was still anxious about what happened yesterday but I guess, a silent treatment again.
" You! Do you think that this is already called cleaning? This is too dirty. How stupid can you be? A simple cleaning and you still mess up. No wonder you failed and fell easily for some tricks of a boy. I can't imagine what my co-workers would say. I feel so ashamed." My mom said coldly.
Strange shiver travelled through my body and I felt a strong painful thump in my chest.
No. You couldn't feel hurt self. It would rain. Mom would not like it. She'll suffer again.
Stay calm. It was your fault. You believed. You trusted.
I tried to calm myself and steadied my face.
" I.." I wasn't able to finish my sentence. My mom already left.
But the tingling pain wouldn't stop. And then the thunder started roaring. A flash of lightning followed with unusual strength, lighting up the evening. Then, the rain poured.
The pain in my chest was getting stronger, making me dizzy.
I ran outside and headed to my haven. The old chapel. I got down on my knees and prayed that the rain would stop. I asked forgiveness for feeling the pain.
"God, hear my prayer. I am very sorry for everything. I was lost. I should have listened to Autumn. I should have never lied. Forgive my foolishness, my Lord. I should not be hurt because it's my fault. I am very sorry God. Please make the rain stop. Please, please, take away the pain."
I stood up and sat on my self-constructed bed. I laid down and promised myself that I would do things for them as well as I could so there would be no problem and they could live to the utmost convenience.
I decided not to go to church with them, or any family picnic. That would be the most perfect idea I could contribute to make up for my foolish actions.
If I stay behind, I could do things to make their life easier. No more chaos and naggings.
No more shouting.
No more cursing.
No more getting crazy.
Less stress.
No more hell.
So, if they went home, everything wouldn't be in waste.
I stayed for some minutes and cried. I couldn't let them see me crying, my mom would be more pissed off. I couldn't let them see that I was not okay.
Ever since, since I was young, I was not permitted to cry or dwell on my feelings. I was told that I was not allowed to feel because I did nothing right, it was a punishment.
I took all my strength to walk out of the old chapel but the disturbance happening above the sky was getting more terrifying.
I felt weaker as I slowly walked past the open field to our house.
A strange lightning struck and it was so strong. It was deafening.
Another lightning struck and it hit something in front of me. I thought I would be hit. It lit up the sky making me see a strange-looking butterfly inside a strange willowy space. I reached my hand to touch it but I felt like entering another place. Inside, it was not raining.
I may be dreaming. I felt so much peace inside. I felt sleepy as if I was falling.