I'm drained from the day so I throw myself on the mattress as soon as I get inside. The evening though beautiful had been exhausting and eventful. The unexpected events being the cause of my exhaustion.
The thought of Two– Reign, I smile to myself at the correction, has me sitting up. I carefully unbuckle the shoes and take them off, being careful not to scratch them against the rough floor. I'll still have to check how much they cost.
My eyes start moistening up, just thinking about the two years I have lived alone. I told myself that there will be highs and lows along the way but all I've experienced are the lows.
Except for today, I'm not one to be usually materialistic but today blew my mind away. I touch the dress I'm still wearing between my fingers, it feels so soft against my fingers I'm probably feeling it's cost.
All this thinking, going back and forth about clothes and my past, is me trying to push thoughts of that lady from the party out of my mind.
I force my mind to wonder back to Reign. Why is he doing all that he is, without asking for anything in return, hell, he hasn't even asked me to be his girlfriend. We have an undefined relationship yet he goes all out listening to my sob stories, comforting me, taking me out to karaoke bars, buying expensive dinners, expensive outfits, and even introducing me to his parents.
He seems like a good guy, actually he is a good guy but I can't lose myself to him just yet. I will be going to far ahead of myself and It's also a risk I can't afford to take.
I force myself off the mattress, admire myself one last time in the mirror and step out of the dress. I pull out the hair pins holding my chignon in place and my hair cascades to my back in thick curls– man, I love my hair.
I step into the shower, thoughts of Reign still swirling in my head. The different shades of his green eyes depending on his mood, his jet black hair, dangerously smooth, a bit of memory skips into my head, when I had the chance to run my fingers in it. His towering height, and toned muscles, which flex everytime he moves. The thought of him makes me shiver in a sensual way.
I wonder what he sees when he looks at me, or if ever he takes time to even think about me the way I am about him.
I grab a towel to wrap around myself when a whirlwind of thoughts ambushes me. I hold onto the cubicle door for support, auburn red hair, seemingly in flames and blue eyes like a raging ocean assault my mind. Her face is clear today, unlike the other times when it used to happen.
I'm weak in the knees when it's finally over. I lower myself to my knees and crawl to the mattress. 'The lady from the party'. This can't be right.
In the vision or was it my imagination, she wanted to say something but there was some invisible force pulling her away from me and intercepting her words before they reached me.
I'm still shaking from the encounter, a reason for me to believe that I really experienced whatever that was.
I force the feeling out of my mind, they are just tumble weeds which remain after a whirlwind. It's what I tell myself every other time and it never fails to work.
A feeling keeps gnawing on my mind. My usual foul proof plan has failed me. Maybe it's because of how lonely I have been. The feeling of wanting to find my birth mother has been on the rise for a while now. I realized it the day I told Reign about it.
It's probably because of that, that when I've seen a lady with the same eye and hair color as mine I'm thinking it's my mother.
I slap myself on the cheek, 'Pull yourself together Ocean.' I know I've come too far to give in to the yearning I've had since I was a little girl. I might end up making some bad decision if I give in to this.
Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to about everything. I tried telling Susan, but I refrained from it, telling myself that she won't understand since she came from a functional family.
Reign comes to mind, he is a good listener and chances of him understanding are very high but I don't trust him yet.
I've been a lone rider and I plan on keeping it that way.
I tuck myself into bed, pull the covers over my head and fall asleep on this thought.
Nightmares assault me throughout the night, I'm tossing, twisting and turning, I'm drenched in sweat by the time I finally wake up.
It's a Monday and I have work to attend. I pull myself out of bed, spread my bed, an activity I always do to relieve stress and drag myself to the shower. A thought comes to me, I smile and continue with my shower.
I get dressed in a better mood. I hug my pink teddy bear before heading out. Cuddling it sometimes keeps the nightmares away, I couldn't find it in my sleepy state last night, probably the reason why the nightmares were so rampant.
I still have time before my shift at the gift shop so I head to the florist shop. I'm welcomed by a bubbly middle aged man who wore a contagious smile. "How may I help you this fine morning Miss." He asks as I'm looking around their display of flowers. "I need a rare kind of flower, I hope I will find it." I reply, matching the intensity of his smile.
"I'll show you around." He offers, "Do you know what you are looking for looks like?" He asks, leading the way through a hedge of morning glory, their scent reminding me of Reign– weird.
"No, but I'm hoping it will recognize me." I reply, and smirk when I see his smile faulter before he composes himself.
I step beside a Laurel flower plant and I smile. The feeling I had while in the shower returning. This is exactly what I need.
"This is it." I say to the florist, with an evident change of mood. "Are you sure?" He asks, with a worried look on, which gets me a bit worried myself. "Yuhh why?" I ask, confused. "It's a very poisonous flower, every part of it is poisonous, don't let it's beauty fool you." He replies, concern written all over his face.
I'm holding a bay Laurel, the one he recommended saying it's less poisonous, atleast I can touch it, a few centimeters away from myself heading back to my apartment.
I place the two pots side by side in the window box I had purchased along with the flowers.
Laurel flower is known to ward off nightmares and the trefoil is known to keep witches away.
My smile in the shower is courtesy of the memory from my flower essay back in high school.
I grab my chain link purse and leave for work. My fingers are tightly crossed the whole ride to Sky mall, this will have to work because I went as far as tapping into my emergency funds to purchase the flowers – it kinda is an emergency as well though.
"OmG girlfriend." Susan shrieks as soon as I walk into our little shop. "Umm, what is it." I ask, looking around, incase there was something I had missed. She doesn't say anything, her mouth falls agape as she points to my head.
Oow shoot. Today I decided to wear my auburn hair down, 'embrace it in the world's face,' I had told myself.
I smile, blushing and twirl around to allow her full view of it. "Where did you get that." She finally says when whatever had gotten her tongue had returned it. Her dramatic self back in full force. "Well, this–." I say running my fingers through my curls, imitating her drama, "–Has always been with me." Her face drops and takes up a serious note. "Please don't joke with me, you are always complaining about how your finances aren't balancing but you got money to dye your hair and that crazy expensive shade." She says, reprimanding me.
"Hey." I say, taking her hands in mine and pulling her to a chair. "Sit, I'm serious, it's been with me the whole time."
I go on to tell her about how Reign found out and him telling me we had to make the world accept it and the party and me getting a confidence that people weren't blinded by my hair. I also fill her in on how his name isn't Two but Reign.
Her eyes bulge in realization, "that b*tch, she had the right Hazel then." She says, her hand flying to her mouth. "Yuhh I guess she did get the right Hazel." I reply, emphasising my name, I've decided to keep it as Hazel.
My mind briefly skips to that girl, I shake my head to dismiss the thought of her.
She is a poison ivy. I got to stay away from her to be safe.