[JIMINIE]
Loneliness was the one thing that Jiminie had gotten used to for the months that he had stayed away from Agust. His heart was still yearning for the man he loved with all of him.
Some would call his love Stockholm syndrome or something that was forced on him by the mate bond, but Jiminie knew that wasn't it.
He knew that his bond to Agust was as whole as it could get. He knew that this wasn't the best of times for the both of them and yet at the same time, he was certain that worlds apart of world close he would always love him, just like that shred their bands.
"Xiao Xiao…" Jiminie called out even though a part of him knew that Agust wouldn't show up regardless of what he did. He had left Helia angry and he had left when Agust was not in the best of states.
Jiminie wouldn't even be mad if his erasthai refused to talk to him, he couldn't say shit about that anyway, after all, this was the kind of chaos that he should have expected. But then Jiminie also knew that there was more to just Agust staying away from him.
This was not what he had expected from the Lycan king, the same man who had been so possessive of him like the world revolved around his Jiminie.
It was not right, and when Agust had left Jiminie's chambers that day, with tears in his eyes, Jiminie had set out to figure out the reason. It had been unlike the mad king to run from his erasthai who needed him.
And when Jiminie went to Helia and found Agust a shell of who he had been with, he knew that something was wrong.
"Please… Xiao Xiao," Jiminie pleaded to no one in particular. He wanted to see him again. He had a lot of questions, most of which Agust was the only one who could answer without holding back.
Jiminie contemplated doing a lot of things to get his answers, but he was also intelligent enough to know that these were scary waters, especially if that shit got the man who had sworn to come when Jiminie called, refusing to answer any of his summons.
It was like he was denying them both what they needed, and at a cost so great that their hearts were getting torn to pieces like nothing matters anymore.
"I guess I really meant nothing to you, huh," Jiminie said, tears pooling in his eyes as he thought back to the shit he had to go through because of the fucked mate bond.
For the first time since he had miscarried, Jiminie let himself feel his pain and boy was it a lot. He had never thought he would hurt like this, when so much time had passed and there hadn't been any changes in him.
He had hoped for the goddess one too many times and wished for the impossible countless times, but never had he wished to have a kid and lose it without even knowing the gender.
It was a reality that Jiminie had evaded for long, but right now, as he sat on the rooftop of the pack house, he just couldn't hold it anymore. He was done trying to pretend that all would be okay, that he would wake us and his life would be back to normal.
A lot had happened even if he had been in so much denial.
'Would it have been a he or a she? An heir to bring peace to both factions?' Jiminie wondered, as the tears fell freely from his eyes.
The thought of everything he had lost in the month he had met Agust was just too much for him, so he howled in pain, not caring that the pack could hear his cry of pain. He had not needed any attention on him, but this was the kind of pain that he hadn't been prepared for.
"Sorry I was a shitty mother," Jiminie cried as he clutched his stomach, the reminder that he would never be able to bear any kids for some time. He hadn't lied to Agust when he had said he tied up his ovaries.
That was a decision he had made in the moment, one that had shocked not only the doctor who was operating on him that fateful day, but one that scared the shit out of him.
He had never thought that it would be like that for a while, but perhaps it was for the best.
Jiminie thought back to the time he went to Agust and they fucked he wondered if they would have had another kid, or if he would have miscarried again. It was all just so complicated and made him feel like shit.
Oh, he was drowning in his sorrows. He was messed up one too many times that he wasn't sure he would ever recover from this. How the fuck was he supposed to recover from losing a kid, when he was alone, and without his mate?
Who was he supposed to turn to?
"Just great," Jiminie sighed when the storm suddenly showed up and he was still on the rooftop. He could hear his friend and family banding the door to the rooftop, but what use was it for him?
They would only come and look at him with pity. They would only ever wonder what had happened and how they could help.
Only that this time, they wouldn't ever be able to help him. He was in so much pain that only one person in the entire realm could help him out, but his Xiao Xiao wasn't answering either.
"Perhaps I was always meant to be broken and alone," Jiminie sighed as he was drenched in rain. It was all so cold and humiliating to some point, but then he didn't care.
He had been holding on for the longest time. This time, he would work it through, he would face his demons and his worst fear and pain. He would deal with it even if it was bound to drive him insane.
"But you're not broken, my beautiful soul. You're not alone. You're never going to be alone, as long as I live, and I intend to live longer than everyone else," Agust's soft voice hit Jiminie's ears and he was sure he was hallucinating.
That had to be it for him, because there was no way the man he had been calling for was here with him. It just didn't make any sense after all that had happened.
"Wow, I really am losing my shit, yeah?" Jiminie sighed as he looked up the angry skies, wondering what the fuck was wrong with the sky, and for a moment he was tempted to think that the skies were mourning along with him.
"No, kitten. You're not hallucinating," Agust said as he materialized for a moment, before he dematerialized, making Jiminie certain that he had finally gone bonkers from all the thinking he had been doing of Agust. But was that all there was to it?
"I know you need answers, but I can only say that I left for your protection... I'm not good for you, my Jiminie. I'm not the best of things out there and me being in your life puts you in great danger. Even me being here, however invisible, makes you a target.
"I cannot be the one to put a target on your back, my little love. I know it hurts, hell, it messes with me daily, but this I must do for your happiness. If I have to make sacrifices for you, then I will, even if it kills me," Agust said earnestly as he looked at his erasthai.
Jiminie was stunned, to say the least. He had expected such a robotic answer, but fuck did he only confirm his suspicions that there was more at play here than he could tell and see.
"You swore you would never leave, but you left countless times. You broke my heart, Xiao Xiao. you made me feel like I was ever worth a fight, that's why you gave up on me," Jiminie said amid sniffles.
"I know, petal, I know. And I'm sorry for that, but there are things I must do, things that might make you hate me, but I swear it is for you, petal. I would never hurt you intentionally. This is goodbye, baby, even just for now," Agust said as he pulled Jiminie into a tight hug.
"I love you with everything, my soul," Agust added, before he disappeared into the storm, leaving a frustrated Jiminie crying in the rain.