Today was going to be extraordinarily slow. I could just feel it. I wish I could have stayed home but what excuse could I have given.
"Mom, I'm not feeling well. I don't think I can go to school." She checks my temperature and sees it's completely normal. That would definitely not work.
I felt so reluctant to go to school. For the first time, I wanted to skip school. All because of a guy.
I regretted it. The way I spoke to him was horrible. He was right when he said that I acted like the world revolved around me. I should have tried to see that he was probably having a bad day. But that doesn't mean he could just transfer all of his anger onto me.
So because I knew I was mostly at fault and I knew that I couldn't skip school forever, I was going to find a way to apologise. It wasn't going to be difficult to do. I've apologised to people countless times.
'But why does it feel like I was marching into a war zone?' I tried to cool my nerves. All I have to do is to try and find Shawn. 'Probably during lunch? No, that won't work.'
"Hey Emily. Have you done your history assignment?"
"Hello, earth to Emily." I immediately shook out of my thoughts.
"Sorry Karla, what did you say?"
"I was asking about the history homework. Are you ok?"
"I'm perfect." The bell rang and I started heading to our class.
"Ok, you did yours, right? I need some reference."
"Sure." I nodded. We got to class and had our usual seat at the back. I grabbed my book and gave it to her. She started to go through her work.
"Most of them are okay, I don't care about the rest. Thanks Emily." Karla gave Emily an odd look.
"Are you sure you're alright?" I snapped my head towards her.
"I'm alright Karla."
"Submit your assignments." We all started filing to submit our scheduled homework. Mr Smith nodded in approval.
"Good, now open your books to chapter twelve."
'Why should I even be the one to apologise. He was the one who acted like a jerk. He was the one who was rude and harsh. He should be the one apologising, not me.' I thought to myself. All I tried to do was to defend myself. I couldn't let him control me like that.
'But still, I didn't know what was going on with him. He was probably just mad and I might have worsened it. So I should apologise. Yes, I must.'
"Miss Hernandez, from what year did the black death start and end? Also where?" I came back to reality when I heard his question.
'The black death?' I thought for a few seconds, racking my brain to remember something.
"The black death rampaged Asia and Europe between the years 1348 to 1350. It was said that it killed over sixty percent of Europe's population." He gave an approving nod.
"Very well. Next time do not daydream in my class."
"Of course." I wasn't daydreaming. What could I possibly be daydreaming of.
"You know if you have something to say you can always tell me. I'm a very good listener." Karla whispered. I gave her a smile.
"Thanks Karla, I'll keep that in mind."
****
Later during the day, I found myself sitting next to Shawn in biology class. This was the worst situation I've ever been in. Wanting to talk to someone but just not knowing how to start. Shawn didn't pay attention to me. Again, he was acting like I didn't exist. Is he still mad?
"Homeostasis is defined as a self-regulating process by which a living organism can maintain internal stability while adjusting to changing external conditions." Mrs Perkins explained.
'How the hell am I going to maintain stability? My head is in complete turmoil!'
"The three major components of homeostasis are a receptor, a control centre, and an effector. The receptor picks up the information from its surroundings and sends it to the control centre. The control centre, in turn, processes the information and sends signals to the effector." She continued.
'My brain is literally sending information to my vocal chords but my mouth doesn't seem to function. Just great!'
"Now please take note of this…"
'I should take note of the fact that I'm a coward! How come I never realised It til now?' The bell rang and Shawn got up.
'Oh no, he's getting away!' I packed up my books and got out of the class, trying not to seem to be in a hurry. But when I got out, Shawn had disappeared.
"How can he get away so quickly?"
"Who are you talking about?" I turned to see Kat standing beside me.
"It's nothing Kat."
"Ok. Let's go, it's lunch time." I sighed a little. Talking to him during lunch was impossible. Looks like I'll have to wait until our lesson which I had completely forgotten about. I never knew that school life could be this difficult. I was probably better off with having only one friend and sticking to myself. It never made me go through this.
'Change is bound to happen. I'll just have to get used to that.'
****
School ended without me stealing even one glance from Shawn. It was like he had disappeared from the face of the earth. Which was impossible. Looks like I'll have to wait until tomorrow.
I got outside where I was waiting for Karla. I was definitely not having any lessons with Shawn today. Or maybe I should call him. It wouldn't hurt.
Most of the students had left for their houses. So there were not many cars in the parking lot. Speaking of cars, I seriously needed one. Maybe I should talk to my parents about it? They can't prevent me from driving forever. I got to where Karla's car was parked before heading west.
I then spotted a familiar car from afar. It was Shawn's. Knowing that he was still around made me happy. But what I saw dampened my mood immediately.
Inside the car was Shawn and Stephanie kissing! My heart sank to my stomach. I don't know why, but it did. Out of everyone, it had to be her.
I turned around, trying to calm my racing heart. It shouldn't bother me. There was no reason I should be bothered about who he's with. But it did. There was a huge tug in my heart, an excruciating burning feel in my chest. I felt bile rise up my throat and anger turning my skin flushed. I wanted it all to stop, but it didn't.
"You do not care, you do not care." I repeatedly muttered to myself as I headed back to where Karla's car was packed with dreaded steps. But then, my brain told me something I never wanted to hear.
'You fell Emily, and you can't deny that.'