After I set off for that journey against Corruption, I swore it to myself—that I would never return or see that man again. That's why I had never once imagined what I would do if I had encountered him once more. So when that man walked through the door—a man with loosely tied and faded brown hair with almost aimless purple eyes—the first thing I felt was a great confusion.
That... isn't Father.
He bowed lightly, hands neatly folded in front of him in a proper, clean manner in front of the prince. Father never bowed toward anyone, even when he and the King shared the same level of status. Yet, those were definitely the pope's robes, as well as the long strip of golden embroidered fabric that laid upon his shoulders and clothed arms. Moreover, he entered with two paladins by his side, definitely higher ranked given their uniforms. So then... why is it not Father wearing the pope's clothing?
"Please, forgive our intrusion, Your Highness." His voice was soft and benevolent, foreign to me entirely. It was completely different from Father's, a tone that always demanded respect and authority. The only times when Father had a different voice was when in public or speaking to the priests and paladins who held potential, but even then his public displays of charity were nothing but an act upon lies for his own benefit. I couldn't tell at all from this man, whether he was genuine or performing just the same.
"There will be no offense taken so please be at ease, Your Holiness." The golden haired prince and the man continued to exchange the required pleasantries with the proper amount of respect for their status without a sense of closeness nor enmity. I observed vaguely while sorting through my thoughts.
Could it be that Father was replaced? I had been away from the temple for so long after all, so there was definitely the possibility. My fingers dug into the fabric of my dress as I felt myself stiffen. Yes. It's been four years, nearly five, since then.
Like a pig to the slaughter... sold off to save the kingdom the day I turned fourteen.
The man in the pope's robes turned to me, and I couldn't stop myself from flinching instinctively. The paladins beside him kneeled in unison, hands to their side or resting on their knee as the older man bowed respectfully with closed eyes and a slight smile.
"I greet Her Holiness, Daughter of Surya, the Saintess Mayari."
As he rose to straighten his posture, he opened his eyes. Flashes of cold, arctic blue overlapped with purple forced me to tear my gaze away, averting my eyes like a child. Even if it's someone different, I just...
"... You needn't be so polite with me."
I can't separate him and Father.
As I slowly returned my gaze, me and the paladin to his left met each others' eyes. It was a young man of tanned skin and blonde hair, who stared silently for a moment before offering a polite smile. Despite the seemingly warm friendliness, I couldn't help but stiffen. It was a familiar welcoming smile I had seen numerous times in the temple. Back when I had only been brought in recently, I had tried to play with the other children in the temple the same way I did with the children in the alleys.
The temple children, too, had smiled in a friendly and welcoming manner before giggling away after dumping cold buckets of dirty cleaning water on my head.
No. Everyone in the temple is the same. When the day came and I was revealed to be the Daughter of Surya, everyone who had mistreated me had suddenly changed their behavior to placate me with falsities. The only one who was different in those days was the blue haired boy under my Father's wing, who had treated me like any other. Nothing changed between us when I was revealed to be the Saintess. He was like an older brother to me, Kaspar, who was so skilled in divinity that even Father thought he was the fated knight of the sun.
But then, on that day... the day I was to go on my journey, the King had suddenly introduced you. My sun, my Shivani. Weariness began to weigh in my heart. Oh, Shivani, where are you?
"Why, of course I do," the supposed pope started to say. "Naturally, we would be regarded as equals status-wise."
He drifted off with an almost jolly gaze. Despite the strange and unfocused air they gave, they stared right at me to my core. Uncomfortably, I cast my eyes downward just to avoid them. It was as if I was being watched in a manner where no matter what I did or where I went, I would never be able to hide. "However, it is only natural to first respectfully greet and retrieve the Saintess..."
"... for whom we've all waited for a thousand years."
"..." Time seemed to hiccup for just a second, the freezing stillness in my composure I tried to keep faltering in an instant as his words weighed into my mind with a skin crawling horror. Immediately, I whipped my head up to meet his nonchalant smile. As if what he had just said was not a lie, but a casual truth that was known to everyone. Not a person in the room flinched at his words, perceiving that impossibility as reality.
"... what?"
In that moment, a multitude of factors raced in my mind as blood rushed backwards through my veins, my limbs numb and cold. A shiver ran through my spine and the hairs on my skin turned up on edge as one by one the things I've noticed became painfully clear to me. The ominous and darkened world I was used to seemed oddly bright when I woke, the fear of monsters or corruption long gone. The unfamiliar faces of the pope and his paladins, and the pristine view of the outside world from the window of a long flourished peaceful afternoon that could be taken as normality.
My voice was caught up in my dry throat.
"One... one thousand years?"
♢♦︎♢
Quiet, and much too long corridors welcomed me back. The darkness of our looming shadows trailed behind our figures and danced upon the walls via a held candlelight from the man in front of me. It was unbearingly long. But all I could do in the silence was watch with unblinking and dry eyes with the click and clack of our soles upon clean marble as a buzzing white noise. Before long, the man with unblemished and unwrinkled robes with a gold embroidered sash stopped at a door. A tall door, uncomfortably big at the end of this hallway. While holding the candle in one hand, he pushed the door open with another carefully. A light creak resounded in the silence as candlelight poured through the doorway.
"Here we are now," he uttered quietly. "This will be your bedroom and where you will be resting from now on"
The pale moonlight poured in through the windows, clashing with the orange glow of the flickering hand held flame. The room was neat and clean, of ample size but still much too empty. There were a few cushions of chairs around a small table to the right, but at the center against the opposite wall was a bed with two nightstands caging either side. My shadow loomed in the doorway upon the marble floor, each step heavy and slow as I stood in the center of the room.
"If Your Holiness has any questions or requests, you are free to confide in me at any time."
The chilling yet conforting silence of the room consumed me.
"... I would like to be alone. Please."
It was quiet and without movement. After a moment, the candlelight swayed from behind me slowly.
"As Your Holiness wishes."
Carefully, the candlelight, too, was consumed by the darkness of the shadows as the doors closed behind me. The echoing of the pope's footsteps began to fade down the hallway. For minutes longer, I just stood in the middle of the room, listless.
Eventually, I dragged my feet upon the unusual softness of the carpet towards the bedside. As I lowered myself to sit upon it, I reached out a hand and pressed into the neatly folded comforter.
"... It's so soft." My murmuring comes out cracked and dry. The tips of my fingers dip into a fold, curling as I grab a fist of the fluffed blanket ruining the clean and perfect untouched image. My jaw clenches as I grit my teeth.
It was just last night when the five of us were under the endless stars, our backs against the cold and hard forest ground. With a thin and worn cloth as an uncomfortable blanket, it still felt more comfortable than this eerie luxury. It was just last night when we quietly chatted our leftover energy away. Three of us at least, before Kaspar yelled at us and told us to sleep. We laughed and Shivani gently held my hand in silent agreement through their gloves, knowing our final battle could be our last. But the five of us wished and hoped anyway. I wished, and I hoped.
It was just last night.
"No, I suppose that was... a thousand years ago."
Numb. It didn't feel real, yet the nightly sights while in the carriage to the temple looked so different from the capital city I knew.
"It is true."
The pope's words from less than an hour ago echo in my mind.
"As the old records had written, your holiness had died in that final battle."
I loosen my fingers and withdrew them as I stood up from the bedside.
"And yet, just as it ended, the Sundrop Knight appeared to that lake in the palace's grounds holding your limp body in their arms."
I approach the moonlight, cruelly familiar pouring through the large window.
"They told the Pope and King at the time that the Divine Surya placed you under a slumber instead to heal your fatal wounds, and that someday you would return to this land, basked in the sun."
My fingertips press against the cold glass, as I peer up at the full moon. The stars are barely noticeable, their brilliance blotted out by the lights from the capital city. How bright they looked back then, with you.
"Oh... I'm sorry. There are no records of what happened to your comrades after that battle. There was just a single line, 'The Sundrop Knight then vanished without a trace'."
I rest my forehead against the glass panes, the ends of my bangs barely tickling the bridge of my nose.
"What was I expecting? It's not like..."
It was a mere four years, nearly five. Not even half of my life, and yet that time spent with everyone—with you, was everything to me. It was hard, and we were always getting injured and hurt at first. How could we not? We were children. You were hard to get along with, confusing, never speaking nor opening up to either me or Kaspar. Likewise, I think I was just as despondent. Our small trio grew to four, then five. And at the same time, what I felt—what we felt for each other grew just the same.
"It's not like... it changes anything."
The fact that you—the fact that everyone but me...
"... are long dead."
It was that night under Viaios Pass that we passionately embraced after being separated from the others. While sitting bare with nothing but my cloak draped on me, you took my hand and spoke into it softly, carving words with your calloused fingertips.
[After everything is over—]
Though still half shielded by that helmet, your jaw clenched and lips uncharacteristically pressed together in nervous hesitance.
[—will you come with me, and live with me and my family?]
I gazed into your hand that fondly grasped mine, then into your golden eyes beyond the helmet before being overwhelmed by relief and joy. You leaned close and kissed my tears away, before meeting my lips once more. That night that was a mere months ago, was now a thousand years away. My Sun. My Sundrop Knight. My Shivani. I was content dying in your place. If the alternative was living a future without you, I would have died there a thousand times more.
But here I am, alive. And you have long perished.
Burning engulfs my eyes as stinging tears cloud over my blurred vision. Heat rises to my face, spreading throughout my body as the cold reality falls onto me.
"I..."
My voice chokes in my throat, hiccupping gasps of air as I collapse against the window, bathed in the mourning moonlight. I clench my fingers against the glass, glaring through my tears up at the trembling moon.
"I miss you...!"