The boy of my dreams is an alien.
After explaining to me everything and even showing me his alien form, my jaw was still hanging. I've always wanted aliens to exist since grade school. Staring out the window at the brightest, most cloud-filled sky I'd probably see in my entire life. Yet I couldn't immerse myself in it coz the teacher threw a chalk on me. And everyone laughed like it's the most interesting thing. But neither was it the sky, coz in it, I was imagining a UFO which would destroy the buildings below unless I come with them (said through telepathy)… But I also remember that that was a scene from a game I played the night before. If only my life was a game, an interesting game…
But now I learned my crush for 3 yrs is an alien. Like he was destined for me.
He ran after me after I killed someone but with his usual smile and shining eyes. It was the cutest thing I've seen. I let him catch up then he led me to the rooftop which I thought was a bad idea but once we got there, he hugged me from behind (yeah) then took me up to the sky. Then I saw the school, the buildings, the human life like I was the UFO.
I'm glad I killed someone. And I don't know if that makes me less of a human or the moment I became one.
"So when you said don't believe in aliens but ghosts…" He laughed.
We're now at an abandoned building. The sun still hasn't set.
"Yeah because I know aliens already exist. But I wish ghosts are real though. Coz when the war starts, we might never see our old friends again."
"If you really care about them, why didn't you take them along." I snarked, honestly.
"I would have if they also wanted to be with you." Be with me… Reword that, Drum.
"Then I wish ghosts are real so if you die first, I'd still get to see you."
He gave me a confused look then looked away almost immediately, his cheeks red.
So cute.
"Do you believe the story of Violin?"
Violin is the alien researcher sent to Earth to report whether humans are friendly or not. It was when Piano, a famous neurologist betrayed him that told us we weren't, apparently.
"Well, there were the reports. Unless he despised his friend. Like me."
"I wonder how a single story can cause a war."
"It happens all the time. The Bible. Even just a single difference, disagreement, a shade of contempt. It's normal. Like a war is natural. If not the aliens, the humans will."
He looked down like a puppy with flattened ears. I couldn't help but touch his head. But stopped when it felt like I was just being sneaky.
Fixing my throat. "Well, at least, now, all the hardwork normal people have put in is all going to waste. All those times they tried to "fix" us, now they're all gonna break. And I couldn't be happier… Oh, I could." I said, looking away from Drum.
"Me too… We're finally away from them."
And when you're away from people different from you, that's when you're actually free. So in a way, a prison is a sign of freedom that just goes beyond the rules. So we thought of things we always wanted to do… And had the vacation of a wealthy family on Christmas but in a span of 5 months. How?
With an alien.
"I've done this before." He said while we were in Disneyland. "But it got boring fast, maybe because I was alone." He stopped and sat across from me. "Good thing I followed you."
"Good thing I killed Baton."
"Ahahaha! Psycho. Psycho Marco."
With him, there were no rules. But just one which was to protect that.
That smile.
We were at another hotel and I sat at the end of the bed while Drum was behind me for a while. My black roots were being dyed blue and it was Drum who suggested doing this. Not because he was an expert, the only reason why I never saw his roots before was only because of his shapeshifting ability, but since he's the one who's interested in dyeing hairs, I let him do so. Win-win. Because I get to feel his hands.
"So your parents were fine with you dyeing your hair?"
"No, but I didn't care."
"Hm… You close with them?"
"I guess. I mean I can say whatever I want with them. But not like our conversation would do anything. We just say words."
"It sounds like you don't like them."
"I don't. Seeing them reminds me of how boring life can be if you just go with the flow. They work most of their lives and the only reason why they found each other was probably because they were looking. Looking for a way NOT to be the only one in their late 30s who hasn't made a family yet, that is. It's obvious that they've given up on their lives."
"My family's the same. And they bitch at me for being the only one who wants to actually live."
"Word. And if only their words didn't matter. But it feels like they do. I mean they're family. Or maybe I'm just a coward."
"I know… But if I act like them or be negative like them, it's like I lose you know?"
"You should just do whatever you want."
"Yeah… They hurt me, you know?"
"Like physically?" I turned to him.
"No no no, emotionally. That one of the main reasons why I went to Earth was to get away from my family… They're just really mean and insensitive I guess."
"Coz they're only thinking about themselves. It's why we, sad brats, were born in the first place."
He chuckled accidentally in my ear which made me shiver. "These past few months were the best moments in my life so far."
"Me too!" I said enthusiastically, embarrassingly.
"I wish we did this sooner."
"Trust me, Drum. Everytime you go to your friends, I wish you would turn back around, to me."
It was just 5 months ago when it felt like I couldn't go anywhere but school. But now we're hiking with gears we stole, learned how much our parents have drained us, and thinking of going anywhere but school. No care for the world.
This was my idea. To camp overnight like the ones I see on TV. We would set the tent and look for wood then bathe at the nearby lake. But the whole trip, Drum keeps falling over rocks. And I keep falling for him more.
At night, we would eat what we acquired from hours of fishing in front of the campfire we built also for hours. Because we're both stupid.
"What were you gonna do after highschool?"
"Accountant. Like my parents."
"I thought you didn't wanna be like them.."
"Yeah doesn't mean I didn't think they were right. But I'm never gonna have kids though and spend my money on me… Or us." I muttered the last words.
"What do you actually wanna be?"
"... A Songwriter."
"YOU?! You could sing??"
"No. But I could write. Like anyone."
"But why songwriter?"
"Because I want to express myself through music coz music is amazing. You can either understand the lyrics or just see them, or hear the tune, or feel the beat, or all of them. So anyone can sense it. And I want as many people to be moved by my music. I wanna move people."
"Wow… I didn't expect that."
"You?"
"My dream… is just to be happy-"
"It's also mine-"
"But with someone… While also being me coz I can't do that. I'm a bad person, you know? But sometimes, I'm good. But I need to be either one or else, people wouldn't get a hold of me. They would be confused. They wouldn't know who I am… Sorry."
"No, it's fine… Do you think I'm a bad person?"
"No."
"Even though I killed someone? You're weird."
"Well- It's because I don't care about Baton."
"But some people who don't care about Baton would still think I'm a bad person. And it's not like I'm good to you all the time. I think I've been pretty selfish."
"When?"
"... You know. Relying on your alien powers… and stuff. Thing is no person is either just good or bad. And if people only wanna see one of your sides then, that's on them. It doesn't mean you have to hide and kill the rest."
"But what if the rest is so baaaad???"
"Someone will like it. And it's probably impossible for anyone- ANYONE to be liked for everything that they are. And that's normal. Coz unconditional love doesn't exist. People at least have gotten mad or cursed the person who they now wanted to give unconditional love to because that's normal. It's not a sad thing. It's the truth."
"I hate the truth."
"Did someone hurt you?"
"I'm hurt all the time."
"Tell me who they are so I can kill them like Baton."
"Ahahaha"
"I feel like I can really kill anyone now."
"Yeah but nothing would change even if they die…"
We went silent for a while… before I changed that.
"Unconditional love may not be real but… If I could, I would love all of you."
"Oh."
We stared at each other for what seemed to be the longest time. Yet the shortest when he broke eye contact and saw his fish was burned. We laughed about it and I could see his wholehearted smile again. Not the others he shows to be nice, but the ones I always mention. The first time I met him at school wasn't the moment I fell for him. Then, he was just a really friendly guy to me. Would talk to anyone despite already having a group. I fell in love with him when I talked to him about aliens, instead of telling me I'm weird, he said
"You are weird."
In a different way.
He said it with a chuckle and a smile so cute I had a loss for words. Actually I did say words, stuttered them. "I-I-I think you're al-also weird. Y-you're here listening to me talk about aliens when you can hang out with your stupid friends."
"My friends are not stupid! And I didn't say I hate it."
"Whatever. Make fun of me."
"I won't… And I think you're cool."
"What?"
"When I first saw you, I thought you were really good-looking but no one seemed to wanna approach you. And when I heard it's coz you're weird and blunt, I thought… that's cool. Like… instead of riding other people's waves, you follow your heart. You're like… I guess, an alien here! The thing you love."
"Alien?"
"... Sorry, forget everything… And sorry if I offended you, I'll just go."
"No, I think you're cool too… cute but…"
"Huh?"
"It's cool you talk to anyone. That you're not a bitch. Like your friends."
He chuckled. "And mind your words. Coz we're also friends now."
Since that time, I stopped skipping classes, waiting for the painfully few times his group goes to my class. And it was fine coz everytime, he would come to me and talk and I would know everytime that he's so much more. Unfortunately, we almost never saw each other in 2nd year of highschool. But we became classmates in 3rd. He'd still hang out more with some of his group, but we're not afraid to go up to each other. And when we're there, I get happy.
I get weirder.
Later, we would sleep without any fear of getting attacked by wild animals. Because as Drum said, leave it to him. And I'd leave it to him.
But I couldn't sleep yet, knowing Drum's a cuddle away from me in this narrow tent.
He shifted and faced me, opened his eyes to look at me. "Can't sleep?"
"I like you."