I've always been blessed.
I have good looks, an outstanding brain and stamina, a great deal of skills, awards and fortune, luck. I'm probably the only person out there who's never tripped in his life! That even when Marco tried to kill me, I didn't die.
And I was chosen to be The Ally. I was brought by Harmonica who, turns out, is an alien. She was an ORANGE- the only one in her family of RED, and because of me, they might just become a royal family, important and respected by all aliens. And she proved it. Before the decision, there were hundreds of humans brought to Andromeda Galaxy for the title. And to minimize that into one, we were tasked to kill each other.
It wasn't an easy fit. If you don't have the confidence, you can't escape from a UFO in the sky. Even when we have our partners (aliens who found us) to amplify and guide us with our new superstrength, some have cheated and trained already with their partners even when it's against the rules. But with my excellent versatility and Harmonica's great acumen, her being an ORANGE wasn't an issue at all- well, that girl has always been intelligent- and unlike the others, I also didn't hesitate to kill even once. Not because I don't care about human lives but instead, I wanted to gain their favor. The Board's. Who looked down at us from the balconies.
But to be honest, I already knew I would win.
I've always been blessed, after all.
I thought I should follow Marco in some way if not to prison. Being The Ally just gives a lot of benefits and… fun.
The Ally's said to become a part of his own royal family after the war and be declared as the greatest warrior, when they couldn't say weapon. The benefits may not be real and they might just betray me in the end but still, I'm gonna risk it all.
I gave three conditions. First was that I get to live after the war with someone of my choosing. Second was to get their scientists to do something… and only when it's successful is when I will really become The Ally.
And in exchange, my utmost loyalty.
But while I wait, I will train willingly. So after 5 months, I was called in the same vast room which is empty if it weren't for the table upstairs and a curtain leading to the massive door. Sitting in front of me was The Board which consists of 7 aliens, all being in the TOP 3's. Everyone seemed scared of them since they're the ones who decide everything but right now, they're relying on my decision. I couldn't help but raise my chin, out of habit.
"It was successful," said a RED alien with a deep voice in the middle.
"Really thought it would take years, man!" says an ORANGE to his co-members.
"Well, turning a human into an alien would definitely take more," said a YELLOW with a feminine voice.
Voice doesn't determine whether an alien is a male or female. And sometimes, there are those who have both the reproductive part. When Harmonica returned to her natural form, her big ginger hair became several long orange antennae and her voice didn't sound feminine nor masculine.
"But 5 months… If he was still alive, it would've been sooner… so I apologize, Master Baton."
That was the same one with the deep voice, and one of the aliens with both reproductive parts, standing also at 10 meters. To answer why this room is so big is probably because of the aliens' varied sizes.
"It's fine, King J. Actually, I should've been the one apologizing since this prolonged the wait for war."
"It's called preparation. And we would be glad to prolong it if it means winning."
"..."
"It's your time, JM."
"Yes, King." feminine voice. "I'll be calling now the lead surgeon who's done the operation successfully with the subje-... human… who volunteered for us."
Volunteered. Sure. But it's not like I didn't expect this. I rather just not think about it though 'cause it's painful.
There emerged from the door light and two shadows with drastic size differences. Both of them were in white, one an ORANGE doctor, the other a man with a bloated stomach.
They told more things about the experiment as I walked towards the man whose eyes lost light in them.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly to him. He didn't respond nor look at me even once. "Can I touch your belly?" But he nodded.
It wasn't soft. I knelt down and put my ear against his belly and closed my eyes.
Dug.
"What gender is it?"
"Male." the doctor answered instead.
I stood up. "Thank you." I shook hands with the doctor. "Thank you." The man was still distant.
I looked back to The Board.
"I'll be The Ally." because my dream will come true now.
I get all the things I want. Everyone praises, admires, and adores me for it. But not him. Not Marco. From the moment he saw me, he never took interest like I was a pretentious writer and he has never even picked up a book. Imagine this. A hierarchy shown through bars. Everyone, even you, are standing on one but you all have different heights. Objectively, of course I'd have the tallest bar with people I know. Marco would be far down. I mean the guy fails at everything and doesn't try much and yet… He doesn't look at me, the brightest star but... a different one.
I'm sure he's aware about the bars unlike some people but his was subjective. It's also like he can't see anyone that's actually above him because we have the short bars.
I know how he sees me and Harmonica. Harmonica knew too. After all, he was the guy Harmonica chose for The Ally… And he would love to be chosen. To someone to recognize that his hierarchy was, all along, the right one.
And I wonder how tall their bars are gonna be when the war finally happens? I'm sure Marco would be excited like the apathetic man he's always been. Maybe more excited having Drum next to him, an alien who ran away with him…
My father came from a family of surgeons. All 5 of them siblings wanted to be surgeons too.
Which I'd believe if I was an idiot.
My grandmother told me on my 7th birthday that she regrets sending my father to medical school despite knowing he was fond of sketching. That he ignored how sparkly his eyes were getting a sketchpad from his aunt one Christmas day when he was also 7. Because of that my father looks fondly at drawings till today but never will do with anything else. Their family was a failure which was harmful to mine.
The thing is I don't know if my grandmother regrets this one, marrying her son off. But she's not completely to blame. She never was, along with her husband, who were both just surgeon soulmates in their small happy planet, never pressured never hurt. The case is probably not trying harder for the parents to understand but the kids know they'll never understand.
Even so, my father lost.
Which will never happen to me. Or anybody else who actually wants to win.
I was born with everything. My father wanted me to be smart, while my mother wanted me to be a loving person. I grew up to be both, appreciated and knew I needed both. I was never easy to please though. So many expectations set on me as I grew but no one reached mine. My mother was sweet but I could never understand the life of a housewife. Acting kind and supportive all the time while she bawled her eyes out in the bathroom. She built a prison for herself. My father, on the other hand, was also smart. But never smarter than his siblings or getting a consistent 1st in school. He did become a successful surgeon but all surgeons are successful. In the end, he retired and made sure to keep a check on me so that I don't become a "failure".
But I wasn't. I come home with never a bad news. In parent-teacher conferences, I was always complimented. Compliments here, compliments there, but never from my father. He would just say "As you should." and make me return to my homework.
It's alright.
I was the kid he wished to be. Probably why he couldn't like me.
My mother meanwhile never said a word.
I've never seen my parents get affectionate with each other. It's like they're not even lovers. I don't want that. I don't want to put my dick in someone I don't love. My dick is important.
I can't believe my parents could do this to themselves. And I wish my family wasn't fake. It even came to the point that I couldn't stand it. One time in freshman year, I came home from a competition abroad and my mother decided to celebrate in my home. Everyone was invited. My schoolmates, teachers, neighbors, acquaintances of acquaintances… came to my party and congratulated me. My father was the only one to tell me, in front of everyone, not to get my head so big for a second place.
I was second place in a Math High School Competition but I was also the only 1st year there. But back then- well, even now sometimes, I also thought it was inexcusable.
So I said, "You're right, father. I'll do better."
Like I wasn't better than him in everything.
If he was in my fucking position, he probably would never even get nominated for it. Or have a party with so many people 'cause he's friendless.
Shit.
But then someone told me this.
"Why don't you tell him that?"
I was in the garden with Harmonica and the guy he was always with.
Yeah, Marco.
"Why would I be rude to my father?"
"I'm always rude to my father."
"That's not a good thing, Marco." says Harmonica.
"What's not a good thing is him judging me for all I do!"
"Or that you don't do." I retorted.
"Whatever. And what's a family if you can't be honest with them. I always tell my parents they're miserable."
"God, Marco. Why did you even come to my party??"
"Uh to party?" And he started dancing lazily. Everything he does, he does lazily.
But he's right, in some way. Why can't I tell him off? Why can't I be honest with my own father? 'Cause we should honor our parents?? What did he ever do to deserve my respect? He's rich but he's miserable. So miserable it's affecting our family. Or is it that he doesn't see us as
Family?
… And so before the party ended, my father decided to embarrass me again in front of everyone. That's what staying at home, for years, doing basically nothing, really does to people. They become mean and unsatisfied. I mean how would they ever become satisfied with how they're living? And they have the guts to blame it on other people. On luck. I might be blessed but I never took anything for granted.
"Yeah, I got second place but I won first in a writing competition, do you remember that, father? What did you say then? You said nothing. You never even tried to show anyone your sketches. Maybe because you're scared grandma would know. But grandma liked mine. She said if I wanted to, I could be an artist no matter what you say."
"You're not gonna be a fucking artist!"
"I don't want to, father. I just said it. I also didn't want to join this competition but they really thought I was the best one for it. Maybe I should've waited a few more years to become 1st. Or maybe forever coz surely God would give it to me like he made you an actual artist hah-"
Then he punched me.
"I wanted to become a surgeon."
"Sure, that's why you're still one."
"Stop!"
The punch hurt… but it felt good that I was smiling. Everyone said I looked like a psycho after but Marco said, patting me at the back as people crowded me,
"Way to go."
Suddenly all the noise went out and he
Looked desirable.
… Since then, my father never talked to me. Nor my mother. Maybe he's still contemplating killing himself 'cause even then, he's a coward.
My mother was still all the same. All my prize money that I got I gave to her, only for her to send to my father's parents.
Someday, I will have a better family than this.
No matter if I'm not really blessed.
Or the world is in chaos.
In the hierarchy of bars I've said before, everyone looks at me except for him. He knows what he desires.
I couldn't stand Marco. He's a lazy guy with crazy thoughts and always pisses me off. Our daily life was hanging out on the rooftop waiting for Marco to wake up so my lunch with Harmonica would be ruined despite the good weather and the clearest sky. Now that I'm thinking of it, those days were the best.
Especially that Harmonica was there. She was beautiful with her clear plump face and huge red curly hair. And unlike the other girls, she was calm next to me and can hold a conversation with me without it being shallow or pretentious.
She was the dream woman.
But a man was always by her side.
Pisses me off so much. If I wasn't there, Harmonica would be the one listening to ridiculous and useless things such as aliens. Who cares if you like them?!
We were all new freshmen then, which was common for that school. At first, I was hanging out with a different group of people. Far from me was a guy who always sleeps at class and if he isn't, he's looking at the window. First time I saw him, that's what he's doing. Everyone was looking at me, amazed at the things I said and how I presented myself. But he would turn to me out of curiosity. Then back to the sky like that was more interesting…
He would always look bored. He didn't even attempt making friends until one day he was chatting with Harmonica, the prettiest girl for me in the classroom which I just realized then. I asked her to join me for lunch but she said she'd be eating with Marco. Like how crazy is that? So I came along, curious why she would do that to herself until we became just always there at the rooftop that's prohibited to students.
Our banters got worse. After my "rebellion" with my father, unlike before where I'd just try to end any argument that would suddenly start, I, then, always tried to win over him but it never happened 'cause he has his own "ideals" which just involve waiting for aliens to come.
But none of that matters. I wanted to confess to Harmonica.
One day when Marco got called in detention for sleeping in class, we were alone on the rooftop, eating lunch as usual but in grateful silence. I took it as an opportunity.
"Harmonica?"
"Yes?"
I took a deep breath first. "I like you."
She looked at me saying nothing.
"As a man likes a woman."
"Baton."
"Yeah?"
"You don't like me."
Just like any other day at school, it was ending when before it could there was a commotion. Of me getting hit by fucking Marco over and over. It hurt. More than when my father did it. And weird. Why was he hitting me? Why?
He looked angry.
Did our banters finally get to him? Did my egotism push him to the end? Telling him each and every time how I'm above him so that he knows.
But he'll never know… Because he doesn't admire me.
He'll never admire me the way I was.
A coward who couldn't admit things. Who needed push to tell people off. Or give up the things that don't matter to me like competitions, my prestige, my bar! The bar that was higher than my father's.
I don't care about my father.
But I'm also scared like him. Especially since I don't understand what Marco sees in Drum.
But I'm glad he beat me up. At least he knows that I could be a bad person.
It's great knowing what a loving person must be like, in reality.
"Those days on the rooftop were fun." I said to Harmonica.
"They were."
That's why I'm doing this, The Ally thing. In some ways, Marco was right. School didn't matter. Family didn't matter. Any people I wouldn't look at didn't matter.
What matters is to make sure nothing goes as my killer dreamed of.
So why did I let him kill me?
Haha, who knows.