"Life"?
What is life?
What does it take to change one's life? I keep on asking myself, but until now..... I have no answer.
I hate people, neighbors are no exception. They always like prying into someone else's business like they care or something, but in essence they just look for a way to get a good laugh at the problems of others. I don't expect anyone to love me in return because it's a seed I've sown and that I am willing to grow until the day I die. Life, hasn't been all that fun for me like other people, some say at the end of every trouble or bad scenario, lies a joyful and happy blessing at the end, but it doesn't apply to me.
I'm Toshiba kazumi, I'm 21, tall, fair in complexion and I have black hair and eyebrows. I live with my aunt, miss kisume synera, who works as a secretary for a low-level office in the town's square. Every time she goes out she either comes back home sick or with part of her body swollen, I've always asked her what the issue with the injures she usually gets from work, but she would just look at me and smile then say" don't worry about me, little incidents happen every day, but we must learn to move on" then she would fall sleep smiling with tears in her eyes.
My life right from the day I was born has been hell. I've gone through bad and sad situations in life, situations too bad that I can neither remember my family, nor friends or even how life was before I turned 19, So I just take it to be my past life, and focus on the present day.
What is "life"? That's the main question I ask myself every day, but I never have an answer. Yes, I live, but I don't get the feeling that I'm alive, do I have a soul? I don't know if I do. Cause if I did, I wouldn't feel so empty inside. So far, I've attempted 3 suicides to kill myself, but every time I try, it's like death doesn't want to take my poor soul.
The last time I tried to kill myself I stood on the roof of my house with my aunt, looking at how beautiful the sky was looking, I heard a voice within me to look down. I looked and behold it was the ground. Then I took a step to the edge of the roof, the I just let go of myself. With one glance at me, aunty quickly ran and grabbed me by the arm and saved me. But at what cost, I'm someone with nothing to lose if I die, I'm of no use to you or to this world either, and in an attempt to save me you broke your arm. Immediately she pulled me back to the rooftop and hugged me tight, kissed my forehead and said, no matter how low your fall, don't forget that you will always be loved by something or someone, then she burst into tears, why would you want to die and leave me all alone she said in tears? Those tears kept on rolling down her eyes as she smiled, the tears wasn't pain from her broken arm…no!.. It was tears of pity.
My aunt "miss kisume synera", she's 37 and the nicest person I've ever met. She has long brown hair and short eyebrows, she was rather busty average heighten and pretty. She had a scar across her left eye. The scar what from her husband who constantly molested and treated her like she was nobody, yet she was as pretty as a rose. She looked young like she was 27, but actually, she was 37, she loved children and was so charming to everyone around her. About a year ago, she couldn't stand her husband anymore, so she just ran off, according to her, she said she kept on running and never looked back until she could no longer run any further, and that was when she found me on the roadside begging for something to eat, then took me in. I will never forget her, and I'll try as much as I can to make her happy, just the way she made me stop thinking about dying. And I swear whoever made her cry would beg for death. I thought these things as I slowly slept in her arms.
Today 13 May 2025. Wake up kazumi its morning aunty said. Morning already, grrr!, Let me sleep a little more! Well, as much as you want to kazumi you have to get to work. O yea, that's right, I had a job ever since that day aunt broke her arm. There was no other way to feed both of us, so I worked at a press. I was in charge of distributing the daily newspapers at the houses both far and near, but the worst part of it all was the pay, which, unfortunately, was very little. I don't mind the pay, as long as I can earn money to buy food stuffs for my aunty, what I liked doesn't matter.
Come on kazumi food's out on the table okay, she said with a smile on her face. Alright, aunt. In about an hour I was ready for work, so I took my old broken bike and headed down to the press. Every day seemed the same, nothing new ever happened to me, before I get to the press I first get beaten up by some thugs who just hate me for no good reason, when I get to the press I'm usually asked to wait outside because of the way I smelled, then I would usually get insulted on the way by people every time I pass. I understood why I was treated this way, I had no rules. I obeyed no one, signs, laws or methods. I just did what I Wanted as long as I could walk. I just lived without a care in my life because in my eyes I'm already dead. it's just my body that wouldn't stop moving. Furthermore, I have a gloomy face, my eyes were typically dim, and my mouth was always closed, my face was a clear representation of someone who isn't concerned about anything. Likewise, I don't help anyone, neither do I take anyone into consideration. That's why every one in the town wanted to beat me up and teach me a good lesson. Every time, I always get beaten up bad by almost every person I come in contact with, but the funnest thing was that I never retaliated to any of them. It's not like I couldn't hold my ground, it was just because regardless of what happened I would still be blamed for it, so I didn't really care. So I didn't truly give a fu**k about anything.
Ring!! Ring!! My phone notified me. Hello good evening who is this? Is this the newspaper brat? Yes, how may I help, well, just bring my paper to number 12, adios lane ok and be fast about it reached child. Yes, mam I replied as I ended the call, wow that place is quite far, though if I'm going to get there quicker, I would have to follow a short court. Hmm, I'll take the next turn. Immediately, I rode faster on my bicycle, so I could get there on time.
I had ridden far down the lane, when on knowing to me, I was about to pass the Gilman University of Tokyo, when a car hit me from behind, sending me miles into the air, and landing me on my head. Gosh, what's happening to me, I couldn't hear anything as I could feel something worm soaking my clothes. What's this, it feels so warm, is this my blood? Wow, it feels nice, like I'm surrounded by camp fires, my vision became blurry and my breath began to seize. Oh? It seems like I'm dying. Wow. For someone who longs for death, I didn't, expect it to be quite relaxing.
Finally, I can rest, I closed my eyes, as I died slowly.
But, what's going to happen to aunty, no, aunty how would she feel when she heard I died, no, it can't happen, I can't die, no!, I thought within myself.
Help!, Please someone help me, I said, as I crawled forward, then I realized, how would anyone help a person like me?, I don't help anyone, so why I'm I thinking I would get help. No, no, I cried as I gradually lose my voice, I can't die like this, I can't leave aunty in this manner, please, someone please, save,..Please,..please,...help,…suddenly I blacked out. Similar to how a single penny is "worthless" and of no value, so was my life. I opened my eyes, only to see a woman In front of Me.
Where am I?, I'm not dead? I have to go meet aunty now, then the old woman said, you've grown so big over the years, how are you doing?. I don't have time to talk to you lady, please help me up, I have to go meet my aunty please, I replied the woman, but shockingly, she smiled at me and said, your aunty will be fine ok she would come to meet you soon. No, she doesn't know the road I'm on, I have to go home. Child? Mam I'm sorry, but I have to go home. Child? I'm sorry mam please I can't, child! Listen to me. There's no home to go back to. What are you talking about mam I have to go… Suddenly, I realized I wasn't on the road, I was in someplace fogy and dark, and I noticed that the woman I was just arguing with had been glowing the whole time.
I fell to my knees, then it dawned on me something was weird. Ok, kazu the woman replied. "Kazu" that's a name I haven't heard in a long while, the only person who called me that name was..... suddenly I noticed the woman's face became clearer then I realized who the woman was…
Mom!. How are you here, suddenly I bust into tears, then I hugged her. What are you doing here?, I thought everyone said you died?, I've missed you over and over. Then she looked at me with a gentle smile with teardrop in her eyes. Wait, since I'm standing here with you..... "I'm dead, ain't I". Of course not, you are in a place between life and death, so I used this as an opportunity to see you, my son. Mom I want to stay with you, I don't want to go back please mom please, No she replied, you haven't lived or enjoyed your life enough to make me proud. What do you mean by that mom, suddenly she starts fading? Listen my son, I don't have time, fined your siblings then love your life to the way you will have no regrets, only then can I rest in peace my son. Then she disappeared.
Nooo! I yelled out in tears. Mom come back to me please, mom don't leave me ever again, mommy, please come back!! I shouted in bitter tears. I fell to my kneels, crying like a baby, tears gushed out from my eyes like an opened pipe. Furthermore, I kept to crying so bitterly I could have swore I heard my soul cry from within my spirit. As I cried even more, my body began to emit something which seemed but was not smoke. It was brownish red in color and gave off sparkling star like light as it came out from my body and vanished into thin air. Something definitely happened to me, but I didn't understand or care, all I wanted at that moment was never to go back to earth.
Suddenly the ground in wish I sat on faded like there was nothing benith me, then I fell. I fell like I was hit by something like a gust of wind.I fell with full force, about to hit a layer or sand I could have sworn I was seeing, when suddenly, I hit the ground and opened my eyes.
Uhh?, What's going on?, Where am I?, I looked to my right and saw a metal tray with scissors and med kits on it. Then I realized, I'm in a hospital. How did I get here?, I thought to myself as I gradually sat up straight on the bed I laid on. A nurse, who saw me sit up immediately, went to inform the doctor that I was awake. To be honest, it's a very strange day, maybe it's because of the way the doctors kept on checking my health status over and over, and constantly asked me if I felt normal. Of course I felt normal, would I be insane? Some doctors are just crazy sometimes, I thought to myself.
But to be honest, I can't quite remember anything. Everything I remember concerning my incident is a blur, including how I got here.
I went home that day in a cab, which the hospital paid for. Well, of course it was weird that I was discharged the same day I was awake because the doctor said I had fully recovered.
In about 2 minutes I arrived home. Ok, kid, we are at your house, the cab driver said. Thank you sir, I said as I came out of the taxi, headed straight to open my house to enter when I was shocked…
Our house was previously owned by a wealthy family before we rented it, so the doors were mainly reflective mirror-like glass.
Behold, the person reflecting on the door was
Someone I had never seen before. He had sky-blue eyes and hair, his skin was partially pale, he was in a bright leaf-green shirt and dark blue shorts, plus his forehead was rapped in bandaged. Immediately at the sight of this strange image, I fell to the ground and looked back to see who it was, but nobody was there. Then I realized the person in the image was."ME". Still confused, I opened the door only to see the pattern of the living room had changed and aunty was looking a little different, like she added height. What was going on I thought within me?, Suddenly aunty burst into tears as she ran towards me and hugged me like she had never seen me In a long time. Kazumi how are you, I can't believe you are finally awake and alive she said as she cried like a baby. I'm sorry aunty I just went out for my job when I got hit some hours ago, I'm sorry I got you so worried. Then she replied" What do you mean by few hours ago?" . What I meant by it, well, I mean I left home earlier this morning and would have returned home on time if not for my little accident.
Little accident?, She yelled out in tears, "your head was split into 2 halves, and you were in the hospital for 6 months"?
what are you talking about aunty?..