Dr. Hill: Same week of Guy's return
Back in the Delauter household but now I'm meeting with my own personal patient zero in Guy Donnelly. He's been released from the hospital against my advice to doctors and his family. My full advice was for Guy to be committed for thirty days in a professional facility for psychiatric care. It's not an insane asylum anymore but it is built for the care he needs. Regardless, I'm back in their television room waiting for Guy who is upstairs in his room and is tempted to hold the session in his room but wait. He arrives not too late and without being escorted in and if I wasn't mistaken his expression on seeing me is surprised.
"Good to see you again Guy," I greet him and he smiles lightly.
"How long were you waiting here," he asks, moving to the couch to sit down.
"Almost ten minutes but I was early," I answer and he frowns.
"Someone could have told me you were here and I would have come down sooner. You shouldn't have to wait," I listen to Guy's words and they are a far cry from our previous sessions in tone and inflection.
"Well that's nice but I'm here for you and your family. I tried to speak with you a few times in the hospital but you were…," I begin my lead up to questions and Guy is
quick to cut me off.
"I was pretty out of it, I apologize. If it's any consolation I remember people talking to me while I was there but up until the last day or so I didn't have anything I wanted to say," Guy explains his mindset and gives me insight into his awareness.
"That is to be expected, what isn't you here now," I say it and Guy frowns a little," You need time to react to what happened to you and process your emotions."
"Some would need that. I needed to come home," Guy is being singular minded in his statement.
"Well we'll come back to future options later. Right now I want to talk to you about how you are processing everything that has happened," I state and Guy settles back onto the couch.
Two hours of answers that all make perfect logical sense if you were observing a machine speak on its problems. All Guy comes back to is that he wanted to come home and he wants to resume his life but when asked about how different he is acting and responding to things around him he gives me an answer that I didn't expect.
"I finally evolved enough mentally to understand what I can do and what I cannot do," Guy's answer brings me to more… base emotion questions.
"How do you feel about what happened to you," I ask the question, having worded it as simply as I can.
"I don't look at it as anything but an event that I couldn't change or avoid. When I was stabbed it was the same, when I was ostracized from my family again it is the same type of thing. You can't avoid major life changing events, they are going to happen, all anyone can do is ride it out and hope to survive in some cases," Guy breaks down a simple answer into a metaphysical construct, I need to dig deeper.
"What about the people who did this to you? How do you feel about them," I ask and I can see him change in demeanor for just a second.
"I feel they need to be punished," Guy says before looking at me," Isn't that why we have a justice system? Find the guilty and punish them."
"Yes but what about the people who got away the first time," I ask and he nods.
"Same people," Guy says the words but I don't believe it and he can tell," You wouldn't understand but so much was similar in what was and wasn't said, when and how I was grabbed and even the fact that despite all they did to me they wanted people to find me. They wanted me alive and wounded, first physically and now emotionally."
We wrap up the session and Guy asks when I want to come back and speak with him, first to say the least. I set up an appointment for two weeks away and left wondering if I should have Guy committed for extended observation. He is calm and collected but that is the surface and I barely scratched it. Deep inside there is something there I'm afraid to see let loose on his family or the world around him.
Guy: Sunday almost three weeks later
And now I'm at a church after time passed, wounds healed and money spent but let us not focus on me right now. I'm here because I need to talk to someone who I figure will understand me a bit better than most. So I'm in the back of a heavily populated Latino church where I speak no Spanish and as much as I don't want to acknowledge it I'm in potentially hostile territory, goody goody. I remain seated as the service ends and watch everyone file out for the parking lot as only the oldest wait and I'm even passed by a couple familiar faces who notice me but I don't look in their direction, I'll get to them later. I wait patiently and finally the priest, out of his robes and in simple black.
Remind me why the fuck we're here?
Calm yourself, you'll get your turn. Let him speak.
"May I help you young man," he asks and when I look up and smile he is a little shocked," You? You are out of the hospital."
Great, he remembers him. Can he go do something now?
"Yes I am Father…," I am trying to get his name.
"Father Gomez, the boys call me Father G, they think it's funny. What brings you back here," Gomez asks and I smile.
"I wanted to come by and see you, maybe speak a little bit on things. I've heard priests are great to talk to when the world has changed," I tell Gomez and he nods.
"Well I'll be honest I don't know how much help I can be but I will try," Father Gomez offers and we sit.
Remember, be polite to this man. He did help you when nobody else did.
He's a priest, they do that. It's their whole thing.
"One thing, I don't want you to talk about this with other people. It's kind of important to me," I ask and he smiles.
"Consider it a confession, not of sins but of your soul," I hear the words and for the first time in weeks I smile, I truly smile.
"Oh that is nice, they confess and you bear the knowledge of other people's lives. It seems a burden but it gives you worldly insight if you are a chaste man," I start and he nods.
"A little, I wasn't born a priest but I will agree it does give insight," he replies and I keep smiling.
I'm getting bored.
Go ahead, talk to the man.
"So did you ever get a confession like… 'we beat up this kid for three years then stabbed him and shocked the hell into him before covering him in blood and leaving him near your church'? Nah I'm not that lucky or picky as I've discovered," I sound joking but I'm deadly serious and Gomez notices it.
"Who beat a child for three years," Gomez asks and I laugh.
"I was the child, now I'm a young man but you know them. They were here with their families not fifteen minutes ago before getting into their low-rider customs and leaving for whatever they do when they aren't beating on people," I keep it simple but Father Gomez is a little surprised.
"You're talking about Carlos Ortega and his friends? I'm not sure you mean the same people, they are a neighborhood watch group and have helped many in the area with problems that others were unable to," Father Gomez informs me and I nod.
Can he hurt him? Please, he needs it.
NO! There will be violence later. Now just allow him a time to speak to someone who can't get in the way.
"Oh they do that too but trust me when I say that they are still out doing good works when they corner me and beat me before leaving me a bloody mess. At least you know who I'm talking about so we don't have to spend time trying to remember who they are for you," I remark and Father Gomez is skeptical but listening.
"So is that why you came here today, to tell me about what was done to you by them," he asks and I shake my head.
"I'm here to talk about me but they are a part of it. I always tried to be left alone, a simple kid just wanting a loving family and to make my way in the world without hurting anyone. Guess God had a difference of opinion," I remark as Father Gomez begins to counter.
"God doesn't cause people to suffer, God is a loving father who guides us through our trials and tribulations," a well spoken piece from the father.
"Like he guides Carlos and Hector and their friends," I state following his argument and he nods," See then why is it for three years I was picked on, pushed around and humiliated by these 'Godly' individuals?"
Take that asshole.
Calm down, this isn't a fight.
It could be.
"There are times when even those who follow god falter," Gomez begins to explain and I cut him off.
"Three years is a long period where someone can falter. Hitler was someone who claimed that his nation was a godly one and they had twelve years and a holocaust," I explain it and Father Gomez is a little put off by my rationalization," I am sorry, I'll keep this about me and not history… for now."