BURN!
"What happened to you was something that nobody deserves to be put through. Carlos and his people have wronged you but they have done good things for the community. Have you spoken with them about any of this," he asks and I shake my head," Maybe it would help everyone if you did. Carlos is a good person and I'd like to believe that the two of you could come to a peace."
"But that is the problem Padre, there can't be peace between us. God saw to that," I state and the Father wants to stop me," Let me explain, the devil left hell for a time and decided to see what the world of man was truly like. He gave up his power and his crown and left to live among simple people. Immediately he was noticed for his unnatural appearance and decided to live remotely only seeing people when it was needed. I know you've heard this story."
"I can't say that I have," Father Gomez replies and I continue.
Keep going, he needs to understand.
"Well back to it then, the devil was on a road to market in a nearby city when good men, followers of the lord, found him. He was without power or means to defend himself and simply asked to be let past. The 'Godly' men did not let him pass. Instead they beat him as he was, in their hearts and minds, the epitome of evil walking the earth. Stripped and bloodied he was left to die on the side of the road," I see Gomez realize the story now but continue," As the devil lay there bleeding people passed him on the road, priests and holy men but they did not stop because he was not of god. Finally a man, a simple man, saw the devil and aided him. He took him into town and paid to have him cared for before leaving to return to his journeys."
"That is an interesting way to tell the story of the good Samaritan, but how does this relate to what has happened to you," Father Gomez asks quizzically.
"Carlos is a good 'Godly' young man. He leads good young men and women and they do good works on behalf of their community. Everyone says this despite how much I've shown my scars and told of the pain I've suffered at their hands," I am feeling the wave of emotions and it's warm and it's dark and I love it.
Let the hate burn through your veins.
"What they did to you wasn't who they are as a whole. Misguided actions that hurt a good person," Father Gomez gets that far before I calmly snap.
"I know I'm not a good man… There is something at work in my soul, something which I do not understand. Love and rage that should never have been allowed to escape. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe," I explain my emotions to Father Gomez.
"If you are so committed to this idea that you are something dark and evil then why tell me this," Father Gomez asks and I nod.
Oh my god he asks so many questions.
Ha Ha, you brought god into it.
Shut up…
"You didn't know who you saved; if you did I'm certain you would have let me walk till I dropped. Not because you aren't a good man, but because I'm so much worse," I stand up as the Father stands with me," All I wanted was love but that is not to be so… if I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other."
"What you do may hurt others; others who did you no harm and do not deserve the pain you would bring upon them. How can you justify that to yourself when I can see that you are a good person? Hurt, wounded and scarred but still a good person," Father Gomez tells me as I move to leave.
Is this what feeling nauseous feels like?
He's a good person, a real one. Let him try, it won't change anything.
I stop and turn to look at Father Gomez for the first time really. Thin built man, early thirties maybe with a little bit of gray in his hair. He has the look of a man who wants to believe the best in people, I remember when I did too. Poor fool. I smile and leave, returning to my car and heading out to take care of a little business.
Carlos Ortega: That evening
Church was a surprise today as I know I saw Guy in the back sitting like he was waiting for something. I know it wasn't me he was waiting for; I waited for ten minutes before leaving and heading home. Rest of my day was peaceful, hanging out with my crew and my family, and talking with my sister about things. We're all settled in when one of my crew points out a very nice car, Guy's car sitting parked out across the street from my house. I step into my parent's lawn and my crew stands up to back me but I give one look and they settle down as Guy steps out of his car and crosses the street. I've seen him at school in his new suits and designer haircut and now here he is again only he's not smiling or angry.
"Saw you at church today," I greet him and he stops at the edge of the property.
"I know you did, I spoke with Father Gomez. He has a very high opinion of you and your… people," he paused before saying something to piss me off.
"We do a lot to help out, take care of the streets and our families," I state and he doesn't look impressed," Yeah, we also did some bad things to you and I'm hoping to settle things with you. Make everything good from here on out."
"I was thinking about that too and I know how to balance everything out between myself and your people," I state and Carlos looks at me expecting something good," You need to kill me."
"What, what the hell? How does that make any sense," I ask and my people look at him like he's lost his mind.
"Because you took from me, you took and you kept taking and the only thing to make me whole again is to take back from you and your people. Unlike you however I am giving you one chance to stop me. Part of me doesn't want to do this and would like nothing more than to forget all of this and just walk away," I explain, stepping forward," But I can't. I go to sleep full of rage and hate and I want you and everyone like you to suffer and burn and I will see that happen… or you can do us both a favor and kill me right now."
"White boy went crazy," one of the ladies in my crew joked and they laughed.
"How crazy would you say I am after three years of taking your shit? After being left for dead in an alley bleeding all over myself? After being dragged away from my home and electrified by some sick fucking Mexican assholes before they cover me in pigs blood and send me down 'your' streets to 'your' church because I needed to be sent a message," Guy is very pissed off as he looks at my people.
"Guy you don't have to do this, we can settle it without anyone getting hurt," I try to explain and he laughs at me.
I've never seen anyone laugh like they lost their mind before but I'm watching it now and I look at my people who are a few inches back from where they were watching and I turn back to see Guy stop laughing and step forward.
"We're past anyone getting hurt, years past it to be precise. Now it comes down to your simple choice, kill me or I will make you and everyone you hold close suffer," Guy tells me and I begin to wonder if he's completely lost his mind.
I step back and look… yeah he's lost his mind. He's looking at me like he actually wants me to kill him but this is crazy. I can hear my people talking, whispering as Guy shakes his head and turns away from us before walking back to his car and leaves quietly. I shake my head at everything and turn to see Romeo and Marta standing there looking at me like I should say something.
"He's lost it, whatever they did to him broke something in his head," I tell Marta who shakes her head at me.
"Yeah because you had nothing to do with any of it do you," my little sister accuses me again and I'm tired of it.
"Fine, my people whipped the shit out of him for years and I didn't stop it. Early on I laughed at it and now someone took the little game they played and upped the stakes only now he's fucking lost his damn mind and wants me to kill him. So what is, should we call him back so I can shoot his ass like he asked me to," I am yelling in Spanish at my sister who has backed up but not down.
"Marta you got to understand," Romeo tries breaking us up from our fight but Marta pushes him back so we can be face to face.
"You could have been a man about it. You could have just admitted you and your friends were pieces of shit and asked for forgiveness but that was too much for you. Or maybe you are just too proud for the idea to come into your brain," Marta is giving it back to me in Spanish and the only person brave enough to step up to us is Romeo.
"Marta enough, we tried and he doesn't want to settle things. We tried and we offered and he spit on that. We're backed off so far we can barely go to school without feeling like criminals," Romeo steps in between Marta and I and it's his last mistake.
"You're right, it's enough. I'm tired of dating my brother's shadow. You used to be someone I could talk to, someone who understood what it was like to not be a stereotype. No more, we're done," Marta says to Romeo and I have to step around my new boy to check my sister.
"Whoa sis, calm down for a second and think about this," I tell Marta who looks at me with too much Imelda in her eyes.
"No, I've hated being his girlfriend from the first day you made him into one of your boys. He's not who I want to be with. Find him a throwback girl or something to get over me. I'm done with this," Marta waves her hand at Romeo who looks crushed that she just broke shit off with him in less than two minutes.