I LIE to everyone, parents, relatives, maids, MYSELF, everybody. I woke up early this weekend ,opened my laptop and started reading this trash of a manga.my door was closed.....And I kept on reading and reading compulsively.NOTHING is well. 

 "november rain hits my skin

somehow condensing my sins

every thing is cold so cold"

Early december wind chills my spine ,despite this being the age of global warming its still quite cold. And I woke up this morning with a frim determination to change my life . WHAT THE FUCK IS LIFE ANYWAY? however l won't say that i ..... Well l am not particularly unhappy therefore it must be that l am happy. Tranquil mind is everything. If you surf online you will find out that my mental health is immaculate. Compared to other people anyway.It is early december and it is cold. Oh.......

how I abhor cold. You always ask people" whats your favorite season? What season gives you the butterflies per say?" They usally reply with winter. There's nothing superior about winter . Absoulutely none. Winter gives me a severe ear infection. I truely detest winter. I feel so very connected with the americans that way. They get me, or I get them. Well,I get their favorbility towards summer if nothing else. Whenever winter comes I miss summer. I miss it with such an intensity!

The summer is just fine.Totaly fine.Cloudless Summer sky so blindingly blue that it seems sometimes white, makes me happy. Now that that i think of it , I have forgotten what the hell a summer sky actually looks like. Are there cumulunimbuses? Aren't they formed during autumn? Every time winter comes I forget what summer looks like and when summer comes i forget how winter feels like.Then I gradually develop a huge appetie for something hibernal. Its an illness of mine. But I assure you winter is a deplorable season. Enough of this weather talk. When one's got nothing to talk about one talks about the weather. This is probably true for writing too.

I have got my college admission test in 20 days . Thats why came the topic of firm determination. As humans, I think we are all about perspectives. Once you face the actual hurdle that you understand the intesity of a situation. I am at a crosswalk of my life elderlies will say while lookiing smug. Yesterday I went to this buffet , a family gathering. My dad's side of the family. They are quite the phenomenon really. In what way might you ask? Well, everyone except my my grandparents are super acceptable, cheery folks. Well, they have mellowed tremendously recently , they are now acceptable folks too. But I asure you they were quite evil in their day. Now that I think of it I use quite and well a lot. Do I want to LOOK intellectual.?? But I am an intellectual or pseodo intellectual .A phoney if you will. 

I can not face the reality , this reality of mine when I try to face it, it drives me mad, drives me to death. I deconstruct it with songs and books, feeling nostalgic to city pop. My to be university , my life , me everything needs to be veiled, i can not face it . What is reality and what is perspective?