I wandered in a strange dreamlike world. Shigure walked the dream paths with me and taught me about the judges of the tribes and about the Land as we went. He taught me the ancient language that my ability had been unable to translate and I realised why there had been no translation. It was because every word of this language was a word of power. It was a magical language that could not be carelessly spoken or there could be huge consequences.
He taught me all the laws in detail and gave me all the rest of his knowledge regarding abilities. Whether or not it would be useful in the future, who knew? Who could tell?
Whole worlds and dreamscapes were formed and destroyed by my practice. At some stage, I didn't know when, Shigure had let go of my hand while I had continued to explore. When I turned around to look for him, he was gone.
I ran, searching for him and crying. I had that heavy feeling of a growing realisation that I refused to believe. I searched all the dreamscapes and worlds but couldn't find him anywhere. My teacher, my best teacher and partner was gone. Gone. He had left me alone.
Sitting down in a swirling mist between worlds, I cried and wailed my grief. How could he leave me? I didn't want to go back to my horrible life of being a worthless, useless coward. A frequent victim of abuse who seemed powerless to protect herself or the people she cared about every time something happened. He made me so much better. He showed me how much more I could become.
Sitting and hugging my knees, I didn't want to move. Didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to face my weak and broken body. Nor did I want to face the potential reality that the one person who had really cared for me so meticulously was gone. He had truly cared. Not like the way others had cared and expected me to behave as if I was strong enough. He had taken the time to understand me and help me from where I was at.
And now he was gone.
I watched the swirling mist and recalled the sweet time when he had been teaching me. He must have already known and held on as long as possible in order to pass on his knowledge and the rest of the legacy. Why had he done that if he was going to disappear?
I would rather not have known or remembered. He said the knowledge would help protect me and be my defence. Perhaps. Perhaps not. My knowledge as a City Agent had never really helped me in big matters. Look at what I had done. What I had become. Everything was in ruins.
I was dirty. I'd been ruined by so many men. According to tribal law, I should end my life. Perhaps, I should have given up and died long ago.
A familiar probe of emotions reached out to envelope me with reassurance, carrying the love of multiple people. It wrapped around me like a cloak. I frowned.
"Homeward Bound?"
The reaching probe danced with delight at being recognised and called me back. Beckoned me home.
This guy. He had such strong empathetic and sympathetic abilities but he couldn't speak properly. It was hard to communicate with him, because he also struggled to understand me. Or maybe not. Shigure had understood him just fine. And Shigure had said I was almost at the same level as him, if not better. Therefore, theoretically, I ought to be able to communicate and do whatever Shigure had done. Whatever it was that Shigure had done.
And in those thoughts, as I sought for the right channel, Homeward Bound had exclaimed.
*"I can hear you!"*
Whoa. That was totally unexpected. I thought my ability centre had been completely ruined when my mind imploded. That I'd never be able to use any of my abilities again. Not to mention think complex thoughts like this.
*"You aren't using your ability centre,"* Homeward Bound told me with excitement. *"You're using your spirit. Shigure has only touched on the edges of this and has been exploring soul power - more the emotional side of things, but you, you've made a leap altogether from mental and physical abilities to spiritual abilities."*
I didn't get it. Soul power? Spiritual abilities? So Shigure hadn't known as much as I thought he had? Were spiritual abilities better? Were they stronger?
*"They're similar and linked but not,"* Homeward Bound replied awkwardly. *"I believe spiritual abilities are stronger but there have been very few people with the same soul power or spiritual abilities as me, so I haven't been able to confirm."*
That really explained a lot. Not.
*"Come back,"* Homeward Bound hugged me again, surrounding me with reassurance and a hope for better things to come. *"Come back. Everyone is waiting for you."*
Who was everyone? I was a weak nobody after all.
*"Shigure's waiting for you too,"* Homeward Bound added, ignoring my plaintive thought. *"He's in a coma, but your presence would be a comfort to him, I'm sure. The doctors say there's no hope left, but before he slipped into a coma, he said there was a chance if we could get you to come back. He said he believed you still had another miracle in you. You've been chosen from on high to be graced with such versatility, after all."*
Eh? What was this? Shigure was alive? He wasn't dead. I thought he was dead. He had disappeared on me. So he wasn't dead? It was just that he'd slipped into a coma? Where was he? What direction was he in? I'd heal him and bring him back, even if it meant giving up my life for him.
If not, I'd find a way to have his baby. Of all the men I had met, Shigure was the best. If I wanted to get pregnant by anyone, it was him. If I had his baby, he wouldn't ever completely disappear.
Which way?
Homeward Bound gave a direction and I flew that way. As I went, I grew more and more aware of the state my body was in. I could feel the pain growing in intensity. The burnt gaping hole in my mind. The pain frightened me. I slowed and then crawled to a stop. It was no good. I couldn't do this. Couldn't face this. Not yet.
From here, I could assess my injuries. My mind and everything that had been associated with my previous abilities had been completely obliterated. All that was left were ragged bits of melted stuff. Unlike previous injuries, I knew there was no coming back from this one unless a divine miracle happened. My mental abilities and all the potential I had contained had been burnt out of me when so much power had been channeled through me. I could see the direction and the hole left behind by the flow.
My dreams of becoming a useful somebody had been burned to the ground.
Releasing Homeward Bound, I assessed my physical state. It was weak, but my body could still recover. My lower body was in a better shape than I had expected. It looked like the surgeries Snake Eye had put me through had fixed most of the problems. It would never be perfectly the same again, but it was better than being completely ruined.
My brain… parts of it were dead. I had to be honest with myself. It was bad. So many lights had gone out. Only a few dim flickering lights showed that anyone was still at work at all. Upon properly returning to myself, who knew when I would next be conscious? I'd only be able to act upon instinct, if I wasn't a vegetable. I wouldn't be able to speak or understand. I wouldn't be able to think. Someone may as well just kill me now.
The motor areas of my brain were not looking good. The lights in those areas were dim. Would I ever be able to walk again? How was I meant to have Shigure's baby if I was in this state?