My chest and head both felt tight and stuffy. I shuffled a little closer to Shigure to find a warm and comfortable position to close my eyes and rest. I was tired. An arm wrapped around me in a light hug, patting my upper arm. That was Shigure's. Another stroked my head. That was Doc's hand.
"You ok, Kim?" the doctor asked me and I gave a small nod, curling myself up and snuggling my face into Shigure's arm.
I felt Doc lie down and shuffle close to sandwich me between the two men so that I wouldn't get too cold. I hadn't realised that I was cold and shivering. Doc's hand touched my forehead and he sighed.
"What's wrong?" Shigure whispered to him.
"She's just cold and worn out. Feel her hands," Doc said, passing one of my hands to Shigure.
"Cold," Shigure agreed and then tucked my hand back in front of my chest, hugging me into his chest a little tighter.
The men were silent for a while, listening to my breathing and watching how I relaxed into them. My breathing evened out and although I wasn't asleep yet, I was almost there.
"She's been wearing herself out with worry for you the last few days," the doctor said in a soft voice. "She could barely move and sometimes barely breathe but she wouldn't forget to cover you with her coat or to help wash your face or hands. She helped with your dressings whenever she could. She was barely able to swallow and eat herself when she started trying to help you eat," Doc told Shigure in a low voice. "Sometimes, I think you're the only thing keeping her alive."
Shigure didn't say anything, only continued patting my upper arm in a rhythmic manner, however I felt his chest tighten up. All the books that used to surround him in his vest were gone. Probably taken by slightly confused enemy agents who might think there were coded messages in those books.
"The enemy haven't been kind to her. She lost a lot of blood and you probably already know that she wasn't quite right in the head. It only got worse during the time that I've known her. I don't know what sort of brain injury she has, but she obviously has one. They seemed to like targeting her," Doc said through gritted teeth. "Maybe because she worked hard to help the others keep it together. Maybe because they had seen she could still smile. I don't know."
The doctor sniffed and I felt him move his hand to wipe his face or nose or both.
"They kept coming for her and coming for her," the doctor's voice dropped even lower and softer, "and I couldn't do anything except to try and stop the bleeding or bandage her wounds. Sometimes, all I could do was hug her and let her cry. She wouldn't sleep. She was too scared to sleep. They especially liked to frighten the women awake when they had just dropped off. They tortured the others in our sight and if she had the energy, she cracked jokes to try to help us through. Or ignored the enemy to make quips to us."
Doc rested his head on the back of my shoulder and I felt the material there grow a little wetter every time a drip dropped.
"The enemy would beat her up for that," he continued in a whisper. "They beat her hard. There were a few times I wasn't sure she'd ever wake up again, but then a few hours later, she'd be back. They forced me to… hurt her. And I know I hurt her. She was screaming and crying. Begging for mercy. But I couldn't stop or they would kill her."
I felt the Shigure's arms tighten around me, whether in anger or in worry or some other emotion, I wasn't sure. His chest heaved.
"I didn't want to do it," Doc's voice took on a plaintive, almost begging tone. "I could only keep apologising and apologising. I'm so sorry. So sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. But after it was all over, she just smiled at me through her tears and comforted me. As if she didn't hold it against me. She said it wasn't my fault and she was happy that she could at least satisfy me. She forgave me. Why did she do that?"
Shigure's heaving chest calmed down and I felt him consciously try to relax his arms so that he wouldn't hurt me.
"I wouldn't be able to do that if I were her," Doc said, wiping his face again. "Is she crazy? Alright, I guess we all are, but I'm not that tough or that bighearted. Not like her. She said these things might not be lived through, but they might be survived. What's she gone through before for her to say that?"
Doc sobbed a few times and then got himself back under control.
"She's probably the only thing that has kept me sane so far," Doc coughed. "You know, if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have made it this far."
I felt Shigure stop patting me to wipe his face and heard him sniff a few times.
"If she doesn't hold it against you, then I won't either," Shigure whispered.
"Tell me," said Doc, "how can she do that? How could she forgive me so easily and then treat me as if it had never happened? What has she been through that she can appear so… so… you know?"
"I know," Shigure replied. "I understand. She's been special from the moment I met her. She's been through a lot, but it hasn't twisted her personality like it might have for some. She still insists on working hard to achieve her goals."
"Like having your baby?" Doc teased after a beat.
"I'll admit that was a surprise," Shigure choked on his saliva. "I was definitely not prepared to see that coming. It makes me wonder how long she's had such thoughts for. I've never noticed anything strange about her behaviour, but then, so many things happened and she had been unwell so frequently that it was hard to tell."
"I'm curious," Doc said. "What kind of relationship do the two of you actually have?"
Shigure coughed and cleared his throat, wrapping an arm around me again. He sighed.
"We're City Agents. Partners. I'm also her mentor and master. She's my apprentice."
"My, my," Doc gave a dry chuckle.
"Please," Shigure sighed. "Don't. I don't know what I'm going to do with her now. These new feelings have opened up a whole new can of worms. I think I'm going to need some time to process things. She's so unpredictable at times."
"I feel it's more from her fear of losing you than anything else," Doc said. "This may be strange, but I don't think she knows or understands what love is."
"Mm," Shigure said and I felt his head nodding. He rested his head against my forehead. "I think the same thing."
"So are you going to do it?" Doc asked after a while, just as I was about to drop off.
"Do what?" Shigure asked.
"Give her your baby," Doc said.
"Ugh," Shigure grunted and didn't reply. Doc didn't press him either. A long time later, Doc's breathing became long and rhythmical. Shigure rubbed circles on my shoulder with his thumb. I felt a light kiss on my ear. "Maybe," he whispered in a very soft voice. "Maybe. We'll wait and see."