I couldn't convince the doctor to take another nap again until late the next evening. I was worried about him. His mental state was cracking. He was leaking at the edges and didn't seem to realise it. It pained me to watch him falling apart bit by bit.
He was another good man being slowly killed by this stupid war.
It was three days before Shigure first regained consciousness. He didn't stay awake long and quickly fell back asleep. By this time, I had only just recovered enough to be able to sit up for a few hours during the day. Our captors seemed busy and didn't seem to care about us prisoners of war other than ensuring we didn't starve to death. The doctor was always the one making sure that the food was fairly distributed and even then, he usually gave away his share to those who he felt needed more nutrition than he did. He very patiently directed those who could move to help those who couldn't.
The hall wouldn't be so neat and orderly if it weren't for him.
For Shigure and me, the doctor fed us himself. He soaked the bread in our share of water and then fed us scrap by scrap. Shigure didn't have the sense to chew at times and so when I had the strength to help, he propped Shigure up into a reclining position and convinced me to feed Shigure by mouth, pushing the food toward the back of his throat with my tongue to stimulate a swallow. At first, Shigure choked on the food and we couldn't get much in. But after patient and persistent efforts, with the doctor coaxing me to keep trying, Shigure began to swallow.
This resulted in the doctor and I cheering quietly in celebration. It had put a smile on the doctor's face and put him in a good mood until another of our soldiers died later than night. I had pulled the doctor into my embrace while he lay sobbing silently on the floor, patting his back while we watched the guards carry the dead body out for disposal. The doctor fell into a deep but disturbed sleep.
Nobody wanted to wake him up for breakfast or let him know when another two people passed away. The doctor slept for two days straight and woke up with a fever. I cared for him and Shigure when I could wake up and had the strength. Someone else helped to distribute the food instead and settled any disputes.
Every now and then, another person would be thrust into the hall to join us prisoners of war. Thankfully, most of them were not critically injured, and so we didn't have to call upon the doctor. Others could care for those simpler flesh wounds.
Shigure didn't wake up again for another few days, which made the doctor feel even more depressed. Sometimes, I felt like he was on the verge of waking up when I was feeding him. His fingers would clench my clothes or hand, signaling when he was ready for the next mouthful. The doctor didn't believe me when I told him.
Only when Shigure was able to open his eyes and stay awake for brief periods did the doctor perk up for a little while. Otherwise the doctor kept falling into a morose silence. One that I couldn't shake him out of, no matter how many stupid jokes I wracked my poor, aching head for.
Then the day came when the doctor just refused to treat any patients. He turned his back on us to face the wall. His shoulders shook and I knew he was crying. He refused to eat, until I forcefully turned him over to feed him the same way I did for Shigure. The doctor pushed me away, but not before I had gotten a mouthful into his mouth.
"Dare to try again?" I threatened him.
With red faced chagrin, the doctor had taken his food obediently and eaten it while I had watched him, the same way he often did for me.
"I, who want to die, am trying to convince another person to live?" I mocked. "What is the world coming to?"
The corners of the doctor's lips twitched at that.
Then I turned over to check on Shigure to see that his eyes were open and he had been watching us with interest.
"When did you wake up?" I asked with trepidation, having a sinking feeling in my stomach.
"While you were feeding him like a baby bird," Shigure whispered. It was the first time he had talked since he had been regaining consciousness and my heart danced with joy that was marred by shame.
I covered my face with embarrassment, feeling the heat shoot up through my face to the tips of my ears. A muffled laugh from behind me had me turning back to glare at the doctor who had covered his face but was twitching and shaking in a suspicious manner. I suspected him of laughing at me.
"Somebody kill me now," I said to the ceiling, eliciting a muffled explosion from Doc on my right. "I'll never do it to another person again," I reassured Shigure, rubbing my hands together. "This method of feeding will forever only be between the two of us, ok?"
Now it was Shigure's turn for his face to be dyed red.
I played with his silver hair. There were still some clumps of blood in it that Doc and I had yet to wash out. His hair was greasy, but then so was everyone's in the hall. There was a distinct lack of soap, shampoo or detergent in the hall. We all had to put up with it and so had gotten used to it.
"No," Shigure refused with a wrinkled nose.
"I thought you two were lovers?" Doc said with curiosity, finally breaking his depressed silence. "Was I wrong?"
Shigure and I exchanged glances and I covered my face again, while we both blushed all the way up to our hair roots.
"She keeps talking about wanting to get married to you and have your baby," Doc pointed his thumb at me, whereupon Shigure raised a surprised eyebrow at me. "She said you're the most talented and amazing gentleman she's ever met. You're the kindest, most considerate and gracious man she's ever known and if she gets married someday, it has to be you. In fact, she seems kind of obsessed with the idea of having your baby. As if by having your baby, you won't disappear or die."
Shigure raised his other eyebrow at me and I stared daggers at Doc. I couldn't bring myself to kill him, so I began banging my head on the wall. The doctor quickly put his hand in the way to protect my head and pulled me away. He wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Kim, don't. Don't, hurt yourself. You're still recovering from a brain injury," Doc hugged me.
"Says the man who wants to die of starvation," I muttered defiantly. "Try and convince me to live then."
"Way to stab a man where it hurts," Doc returned, poking me in the forehead. "Touché. Touché, ok? It really hurts."
"It really hurts," I mimicked.
"It does," Doc frowned at me.
"I know," I said quietly. "It really does hurt. For both of us."
"All of us," Shigure added.
There was a long silence where we were all lost in our own thoughts.
"So, Uki-chan," Shigure whispered, "tell me about how much you like me."
"Doc," I collapsed on the floor, raising an imaginary knife, "I'm gonna kill you."
"Go ahead," Doc lay down like a starfish. "I'm ready."
"Someone just kill me now," I wailed and flapped my arms and legs on the floor twice before I was too tired to move again.