The room was white. The bed was white. The curtains were white. Everything screamed death and unfamiliarity at me, making me freak out. I definitely didn't know where I was this time.
Scrambling out the bed, I travelled on unsteady legs in a panic around the room, looking for the door. Upon finding the door, I panicked again at the unfamiliar environment in the corridor. People in uniforms rushed about. A rattling trolley. I saw a tray with injection needles on them and I froze.
Someone had once… Memories uncalled for surged from where they had been locked. I caught glimpses of a man who had kept sending me back to sleep until I had become obedient and succumbed to his wishes. His hammy fingers had...
Trapped. Hemmed in. No escape. A cascade of panicked emotions flooded me and I couldn't do anything for a moment. Was he back?
I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Could barely even stand.
"Are you ok?" someone asked from behind me but I couldn't reply. My joints had stiffened up and turned rusty.
My head. My head. There was… no… my head… couldn't… where…that…
I heard a shout but didn't understand it. The next thing I knew was that there was a chair I was being forced into and I gladly collapsed onto it, my eyes still looking in the distance at the trolley that had been pushed past.
People talked and jostled around me. Someone held my hand but I couldn't… just couldn't…
Memories flashed and slipped and…
Tired. The ground loomed toward me and someone hugged me tight.
Then I was back in the white room with a white bed. I threw myself out of the bed in panic, running to escape and find a way out of the place. It was a trap. A trap. A trap.
People caught me and tried to calm me, while I babbled and gabbled incoherently in my panic. I struggled to escape and get away, but I was held down.
"Don't hurt me," I cried. "Don't hurt me. Please, I'll be good. Don't hurt me."
Someone came over with a syringe and I panicked even harder.
"Don't. Don't," I tried to push away and escape that needle. "I'll be good. Don't send me to sleep. I'll listen to you. I'll be good. Don't, please don't."
I couldn't breathe and I didn't know why I was so frightened or what I was remembering or saying. The words only felt familiar. Like I was a repeating machine only able to say those few things. All I knew was that there was danger and that I had to get away.
In the end, I couldn't escape from the needle or the forced sleep. Before I went under, I heard the voice of that stranger with the umbrella. I felt a reassuring hand in mine.
"You're safe now. Nobody is going to hurt you. You're safe. You escaped. You're ok."
In recognising him, I relaxed.
In my sleep, a mind voice intruded into my mind.
*"Uki-chan, are you ok? Where are you?"*
Clutching my head, I slammed all my mental doors shut. The voice had felt painful. As if my mind had been rubbed raw and was sensitive to any mental activity.
Groaning, I hugged my knees with my elbows and my head with my hands. My head ached. Stung like alcohol on raw skin. Ached like a bad toothache. Pounded like a kettle drum at full volume while it was playing a drum heavy symphony.
I wanted to block my ears to all noise again. Every sound I heard lanced through my head like hot needles. The brushing of the bed sheets when I moved. The sound of footsteps outside. The sound of my own breath.
Tears streamed down my face and I pressed my face into my pillow, so that the tears could be soaked away and not remind me of fingers sliding down my skin.
That memory made me forget to keep my mind tightly shut and I heard a voice squeeze in again.
*"Uki-chan?"*
I thrust what I was feeling at that voice so that they wouldn't keep disturbing me and slammed my mental doors again.
With my face in my pillow, I couldn't breathe again, but that was fine with me. Death might be a better escape from all this pain.
Unfortunately, other people didn't think the same way. I was rolled over onto my side, tablets were pushed into my mouth and I reluctantly swallowed some water. A tissue was brought to my nose and someone demanded that I blow.
Blowing my nose made the pain shoot through my head and down my neck into my spine. I couldn't even move after that. It hurt so much.
Someone rubbed my neck and back, slowly and gently giving me a massage and encouraging some muscles to relax. It felt so much better. So much better. Some time later, the pain killers kicked in and there was a wave of drowsiness that sent me back to sleep.
Heated voices brought me slowly out of sticky sleep. It was too noisy.
"Noisy," I grumbled, turning over. "Go away. Argue somewhere else."
My body felt heavy and I was too sleepy. I wanted to sleep longer.
"Uki-chan?"
"Noisy," I replied, pushing the blurry person away and felt books through his clothes. A lot of books. What was he? A walking bookman? A walking library?
Whatever. I was going back to sleep.
The arguing men took their argument outside the room, but now, even though I could barely open my eyes, I couldn't sleep either. So frustrating. It was all their fault. What was there to argue about? Can't you let a sick person sleep?
I felt very childish all of a sudden. My disgruntled feelings had turned into tears. I didn't remember ever being a child that cried at the drop of a hat. Neither did I want to be. What was wrong with me?
I was a child? Was I a child? What had I forgotten? Trying to remember, however, made me feel like an excavator was attacking my brains. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt!
There was a billow of wind and then a hand on my head. I felt someone help me slam certain doors to things in my head with a cooling breeze in my mind, rather than reaching in to do anything, bringing me a sigh of relief. Even so, the breeze still stung. Like water on a graze but in my head.
"It's ok, Uki-chan," I was hugged and my head caressed, making me feel even more childlike. "You're ok. You're going to be ok. You rest more. Good girl."
The smell of this man was familiar. The name was familiar. I should know him. So I relaxed and allowed myself to be cosseted until I began to drift off to sleep.
"You're right," said the book man stroking my head to the other person in the room in a soft voice. "She's been abused and been through a lot. So much so that I don't know if her mind will ever fully heal. It's been one thing after another for her. Whatever you say, I know you mean for the best, but no. Thank you for caring for her, but she belongs to the government. I have to take her back. We have people back home who can give her more specialised care. She's familiar with that environment and won't panic there."
"How can I trust you?" the voice of the stranger with the umbrella asked stubbornly.
There was the rustling of clothes.
"With your position and role at work, you have sufficient clearance," the bookman said and sniffed. "You have to keep this a secret though."
There was a long pause.
"City Agent. That's a City Agent badge. You're a City Agent. What about her?" the stranger with the umbrella said.
"She is too. She's my partner," the bookman said.
"She looks so young," the stranger with the umbrella commented and I felt his hand on my head.
"Yes," Shigure said, without revealing anything.
I remembered his name. How wonderful. Now if only I'd remember a few more things.
"She's one of our youngest agents. A very promising one. Or she was until so many things happened. I don't know how things are going to go from hereon," Shigure sighed.
"Is it true that our city has actually already been infiltrated with enemy spies?" the stranger lowered his already soft voice.
"Yes," Shigure said. "Much more than that, I can't tell you. We don't want panic spreading through the city. Uki-chan is the one who helped us find out that information and get us a lead, and paid a great price for it. Since you know now, keep your eyes and ears peeled. Inform me if you hear anything of note."
"I see," the stranger with an umbrella said and sighed. "I see. I understand. You can take her back then. I apologise for my rudeness earlier. I didn't know her situation."
"That's perfectly understandable," Shigure said with a smile in his voice. "You only wanted to protect her, as do I."
"Feel free to call on me if you ever need my help," the stranger with the umbrella said. "Especially if you ever need somewhere safe for her to go. I have an apartment in the Gretel Tower of the Gretia Estate. You know, the security there is especially good. There are many people with sensitive identities living in there."
"You know," said Shigure and I felt his finger tapping the bed. "I might just take you up on that offer. Let me go and make a few phone calls first."