Montag closed the door of his apartment and rested his forehead against it. He didn't really have anything to do, there was no project to work on, but he needed to get away from Alex. Halfway through the movie he noticed Alex trembled every time their hands or knees touched and he kept on stealing glances his way. It's not that he wasn't interested in the guy but his obvious innocence and inexperience were an issue. He didn't want a relationship, he didn't want to coach anyone in his new found queerness, he just wanted sex and that golden retriever didn't deserve to be used and tossed.
He stretched his arms and back and turned on his computer, he might as well work on some music to get his mind off his ruminations about Alex. He plugged in his keyboard, grabbed a water bottle and sat on his desk. He hadn't written in months, the writer's block hitting hard, but he got a sudden urge to compose something happy. He took inspiration from the day and smiled remembering Alex's warm hazel eyes, his perpetually flustered expression, his blunt and overly honest answers. It's been ages since he felt that comfortable with someone.
It wasn't the first time someone made their attraction that obvious. He was cursed with his mother's attractiveness and his father's artistic inclination. He was also aloof, tall and goth; he was like a magnet for people. And up until now it wasn't an issue because most people who approached him knew he was there for a good time and not a long time. But Alex was different, he was infatuated with him and that made him feel guilty because he didn't want to create expectations and break his heart. Maybe it was better to stop it early and don't let it take roots.
His phone buzzed.
(Alex): Did you get home safely?
(Montag): Yes.
He hoped the rudeness would make him reconsider talking to him. After a couple of minutes with no new texts Montag finally relaxed, tossed his phone on his bed and resumed playing the keys. Nothing came to him, his inspiration suddenly gone; he decided to have a smoke. It was better this way.
The next day he woke up feeling like his head was about to explode, his vision blurry and his mouth dry. After giving up on composing he had one too many cups of wine and fell asleep on the couch. He didn't want to go to work, his hangover was so bad he could barely walk, but with the hangover came the depressive thoughts, he was well acquainted with his mind.
The walk to the library felt like a punishment, the day so bright he couldn't see anything but light and it was piercing his eyes like a swarm of hornets. He entered the building, greeted everyone with a nod and went to the backroom. His pile of books was waiting for him.
"Are you ok?" Paul's voice drilled a hole through his brain
"Just hungover. I took an ibuprofen before coming in, it will work in a couple of minutes"
"Do you want the day off?"
"No. I'll be okay. Just let me be"
"Do you want me to get you some Pedialyte? I can ask Marina to go to the pharmacy"
"No, please leave me alone" The hammering in his head overpowered his ability to be decent
"Dude, in the four years you've been working here I've never seen you hungover. I'm not under the impression that you haven't drank but you've never been irresponsible enough to get here looking like that, you've never been irresponsible at all"
"When I started drinking, I wasn't planning on getting wasted, it just happened"
"Get yourself sorted out in the next hour or I'll make you go home"
Paul left and Montag focused on his work, half an hour later his head didn't hurt as much, his mouth still felt as dry as a camel's ass but he could tolerate that. Marina brought him a cup of coffee and a huge glass of water and left silently; she was a treasure.
He headed towards the café around the corner on his lunch break, he didn't prepare anything that morning and he was starving. When he walked by the alley where Alex kissed him, his whole body went numb. He could remember vividly his clumsy attempts at licking his lips, how surprisingly strong he was pulling on his shirt, the smell of coffee on his breath, the way he shivered when their tongues collided. He felt a tug at his pants and noticed he had a hard on.
'A boner remembering a kiss? I'm out of my mind'
After convincing himself it was the after effects of the alcohol he arranged his jacket so it would cover his groin and resumed his way to the café. He ordered a bagel and an americano, took out his Lexapro from his pocket and swallowed it with the coffee. He felt his phone vibrate on his pants and considered ignoring the call. He grabbed it and looked at the screen. Julian.
"Has anyone ever told you that people from our generation don't like phone calls?" he didn't bother greeting the guy.
"I won't wait 7 hours for you to reply to a text"
"Talk quickly, I only have 10 minutes of lunch break and I need to brush my teeth"
"Remember Derek's little brother's soccer game? Well, the kid banged his head up really bad and he's going to need surgery so Derek's not going to be available for rehearsals for about a month because he has to take care of the boy"
"What does that have to do with me?"
"Geez, let me finish; after speaking with Debra, she thought it would be better to wait for Derek so we're taking this month off. In the meantime, use this month to get some therapy"
"Fuck you"
"See you next month, please don't disappear because I don't want to have to call the police for a well check"
"Got it. Bye"
Montag hung up and thanked the gods for his luck. No rehearsals meant no opportunities to run into Alex. This was a chance for both of them to get over those pesky feelings and start a distant, polite and comfortable relationship. He was convinced time could help him forget the softness of his lips and the feel of his body against his.
He went back to the library satisfied with the situation. He didn't have to do anything; the passage of time was his best ally to solve this issue. He entered the backroom and found Paul on his seat, checking the book he was working on with a magnifier glass.
"Feeling better?"
"Like a new man. I'm ready to finish that book"
Paul gave him a suspicious look "Fine. Let me know if you need something"
Montag sat on his desk, put on his gloves and continued where he left before lunch. Forgetting Alex was going to be a piece of cake. He smiled pleased with himself and tried to ignore the dreadful feeling growing in his heart.
A month and a week passed and Montag felt refreshed and ready to start a new chapter with the band. He arrived early at the studio, settled his keyboard case on the floor and took out his mic. Despite the days it took for the band to be together again, it felt so natural to just get back to the routine of rehearsals. He had to be honest with himself and admit he missed the guys. They've known each other for years and their talents worked together perfectly. He was hopeful of a new beginning.
The door opened and Julian walked in followed by Andrea. She stopped and looked behind her and went back out the door. When she came back, she was dragging a clearly uncomfortable Alex with her. Their eyes met above her head and Montag felt like he was punched in the gut. Every inch of his body hummed in response to those hazel eyes. A month and a week weren't enough.