Montag took a deep breath and looked at his crotch. Seeing Alex with his blushed face and his tongue out felt like being struck by lightning. His entire body felt weak and tingly with all his blood concentrating on his dick. He wasn't a stranger to sexual desire; he'd been using sex as a distraction since he was a horny teenager and he didn't really care who was on the receiving end as long as they were good. But Alex? The awkward, untouchable Alex? He needed to have a serious conversation with his cock.
"Dude, what?" He whispered, looking at the tent in his pants.
He thought about the last time he had sex. It was two months ago, after a gig. Come to think of it, he hadn't been horny in weeks. Maybe that was the reason why he got turned on by Alex. He rearranged his pants and walked back out.
Alex was sitting looking at his hands picking on his skin. He was shaking his leg and his coffee was getting cold, forgotten on the table. Maybe he was being too harsh on the guy, when Andrea talked about their lives, he got the impression that Alex was like those savant type of guys showed on tv shows, sick on the head but not bothered by it, but having met him, Montag knew now that he struggled with his mind maybe as much as him.
"Sorry about that, what were you saying?"
He took out his chair, setting it farther than before, confident that distance would help him with his horniness. Alex looked up and rolled his eyes, annoyed. Montag remembered what he asked of him, but something inside him compelled him to mess with the guy.
"I was asking you to apologize to Julian and Andrea"
"And I told you I won't do that"
"Look, dude. I don't know what happened before I returned to the studio but I'm sure my sister thought she was doing a good thing" He took a sip of his coffee and Montag couldn't take his eyes off his moist lips "She tends to defend me when it isn't necessary, it's an issue with my family"
"What do you mean?"
"I not only have anxiety, I'm also autistic" he fixed his eyes on the table and his voice got softer "despite my dad being autistic like me my family couldn't stop themselves from making the common mistake of infantilizing me."
Montag could feel the sadness seeping from his voice. He probably didn't say it, but he was more affected by it than he let it show. He realized Alex needed to talk about it.
"What does that mean?" His dirty thoughts forgotten; he moved his chair closer.
"It took me a while to learn to talk, I said my first word when I was four, then I had issues performing socially but I didn't really care about having friends because I was too focused on different obsessions throughout my life. When I was a kid, it was dinosaurs, I knew everything about them" he laughed softly, his gaze still fixed on the table "It pissed other kids off because I corrected them when they said wrong things about them"
"I had a dinosaur phase too, everyone has it, no?"
"This went beyond that. I got extremely frustrated and lashed out at people when they said incorrect facts and I was forced to go to therapy to address it."
"I see"
"No, you don't. Looking back on it I was way out of line, but I didn't care. And it kept on happening until my adolescence. It went from dinosaurs to cars and finally to anime" His hands fidgeting, he sat upright and looked up to a place above Montag's right shoulder "Sometimes I wish my hyper fixations were something more mature, like those who obsess over true crime or the space race or weird diseases, maybe that way my family could've stopped thinking about me as a kid."
The waitress arrived with the food. She picked up Alex's empty cup and cleaned the table where a few drops of coffee were spilled. Alex tangled his fingers with the cord of his hoodie staying quiet while she cleaned. The awkwardness was palpable.
"Anything else I can get you, guys?"
"No, thank you," Montag answered quickly. He was worried about Alex getting self-conscious and stopping his story
"Okay. Let me know if you need anything"
She left and Montag took a sip of his latte. He was patiently waiting for Alex to continue talking about himself. Alex blinked fast and fiddled with his hands once again.
"I overshared" his voice barely a whisper
"No, don't worry about it, it helped me understand" Montag tried to make eye contact with him but Alex's eyes kept drifting down "If it makes you feel better, I'll tell you something about me. Ask away"
Alex lifted up his head and bit his lip. He seemed to be considering what to ask, Montag could see the cogs on his brain working. He wasn't aware his life was so interesting.
"Why are you so aloof?"
"That's a question with a really broad answer. Long story short I don't like getting comfortable with people and that's why I don't invest in relationships"
"But you've been friends with Julian for years, Andrea told me"
"He thinks we're friends. I don't know if he mistakenly feels sorry about me or what but since we were in high school, he has tried to involve me in his life."
"He cares about you, he says so"
"I didn't ask him too"
"Well, people are not robots-" Montag's laugh interrupted him "what?"
"You have some nerve talking about people not being robots and behaving like one"
"I don't behave like a robot, if anything you're colder than I am. I'm perfectly capable of showing love to my family. I might not be good at physical displays of affection but I do what I can within my means"
"I'm sorry, I touched a nerve"
"Yes, you did. I'm tired of people saying those things just because I'm not all touchy feely. You're also distant but because you look like that, they don't say the same to you" His voice was no longer soft, his cheeks were red and his hands moved with his every word "I don't understand why being stand-offish is attractive on you but unsettling on me"
"How do I look?" Montag asked bluntly with a smile on his face.
"What?"
"You said "because you look like that", how do I look?"
"Are you blind? Are you fishing for compliments? You saw how the waitress behaved when she saw you."
"That's not an answer" He smirked
"You're so annoying" He sighed with frustration and squirmed on his chair "You are handsome. You are conventionally attractive"
"Aw, I thought you were going to talk about my pretty eyes" He pouted his lips.
"I wasted my time coming here. I should've known you were going to play with me. You're a psycho"
Alex got up while reaching for his wallet in his pocket. He took out a twenty-dollar bill and set it on the table but before he could walk away Montag's hand shot out and grabbed him by the wrist. Big mistake. Alex snagged his hand away and ran out of the building. Montag swore inwardly, left a bunch of bills on the table and went out to chase him.
He reached him on the corner and took his hand dragging him towards the alley. He could feel Alex trying to set his hand free, his fingers cold and clammy. Montag pushed him gently against the wall and stopped him from running, putting his hand next to his face. He was careful not to touch him but got close enough to smell the faint scent of coffee on his frantic breaths and see the sweat droplets forming on his forehead. He lowered his face to make eye contact.
"Why is running your first answer to every issue?"
"Move"
"Make me"
Montag could see the panic transforming in anger on Alex's face. He looked him directly in the eye, his cheeks all read, his breathing fast. He clearly wanted to push him but his reticence to make physical contact forced him to stay there. Frozen in time. Their gazes locked. The soft brush of fingers on his chest made him blink and seconds later Alex was grabbing his shirt with both his fists and pulling him closer until their lips touched.
His surprise didn't last long. Alex was evidently inexperienced, he pinned him to the wall and kept his head in place with his hands, caressing his face with his thumbs. He closed his eyes and used his tongue to force him to open his mouth and nibbled on his lower lip before deepening the kiss. He could feel every part of his body, they were so close Montag couldn't tell if the thumping on his chest was his heart or Alex's. When their tongues touched, he felt Alex shivered and go languid. Realizing he wasn't responding Montag opened his eyes.
Alex had passed out.