Mikkeli POV
I'm sitting on the porch at the packhouse observing my pack members. They are eating, joking, talking, dancing, drinking, and having fun. It's been some time since we organized any kind of party here. When Hayden's mother was a Luna, it was customary to have at least one party a month, and people seemed to enjoy that. After I took over as an Alpha, Hayden convinced me to go back to this tradition even though we didn't have them that often, and it was quite a long time since the last time.
But I can see that my pack needed this. All my warriors know we are ahead of a big operation against hunters, and there will be lots of training and bloodshed in the future, so they need the moment of relief, the moment with their families.
Rose prepared everything perfectly, as always. Big wooden tables are full of delicious food prepared under her surveillance, lanterns placed all over the garden behind the packhouse are making this evening very bright, and people are dancing in the big square in the middle of the garden. They all seem relaxed and happy, and I enjoy watching them; honestly, during all these parties, I was not necessarily engaged in any type of having fun. I prefer observing and allowing all my pack members to see and experience the companionship of their Alpha.
Hayden is sitting at the table with Jason and James, and they're deep into the conversation; next to them is Rose feeding little Rosie and Hannah...
In the crowd, I can see Hannah dancing with Kyle, I can admire her beautiful features. She looks astonishing today, dressed in a gauzy orange dress with white dots. Her long hair is loose, her cheeks are rosy, and her eyes are sparkling. Kyle is a perfect dancing partner for her; they move very graciously, and observing them is delightful.
Byron is purring in my subconsciousness, extremely calm and happy. I am also extremely happy with the fact that I can openly ogle her without anybody noticing and disrupting me. She looks in my direction occasionally, and I enjoy the smiles she sends me. I try not to worry about the upcoming war with hunters, and I try not to worry about someone targeting my nephews, I try not to worry about the fact that the Beta of Full Moon pack approached Hannah, even though I was livid when she told me about their encounter. Honestly, I wanted to break Hayden's neck for putting her in danger and letting her leave the pack territory unguarded. But right now, I just enjoy the moment.
" You really should do something about it" I look up and see Tony standing to my left. "It's high time for you to admit and accept her, Mikkeli. Seriously what are you waiting for?"
"I'm still unsure," I sigh. "I don't even know what she wants."
"Well, my suggestion is to ask her," says Tony," or do what I did when I found my mate, ask her out, give her flowers, and stop sending me death glares. You will never reject her because you are in love with her."
"Being in love with someone does not guarantee that you will be happy with them," I avert my eyes from him to look again at Hannah.
She's now dancing with Gideon, which makes me squeeze my fists. Tony giggles, realizing why I'm jealous. My best friend seems to enjoy my suffering.
"Good for you; she won't leave until the boys are 18, so you have at least six more years to make your move. Try not to kill Gideon again. He's an excellent pack doctor," he pats my shoulder.
Tony leaves me alone and goes in the direction of his mate; I envy the courage he had to have to decide to stay with somebody for his life; it's the courage I still have trouble finding within me. I never consider mating seriously.
Of course, I knew that one day I would have a Luna because, as an Alpha, I needed her to run the pack successfully, and of course, I needed an heir. But I pictured it more like a business deal, a marriage of convenience when my Luna would always have my respect but not necessarily my love. To be honest, I was also not interested in having someone to love me. I thought I didn't need that, and I hoped I could avoid my fate, but it seems like the Moon has decided to play a joke on me by placing on my road the one thing I didn't want and, at the same time, desperately desired.
"Penny, for your thoughts Alpha," Becca approaches me and gives me the glass. "Rose made the perfect sweet tea, as always."
"Is everything calm today at the borders?" I ask.
"Yes, we have all borders double patrolled, and Jake is today in charge of security so that everything will be perfect plus, his eternal grumpy mood will not spoil our fun."
I raise a toast with her, and we both look at the dancing floor.
"I kind of expect more Hayden around Hannah today," she says, and I'm instantly irked "most of my unmated colleagues are very unhappy; Hayden was such a great catch."
"You're suggesting what exactly" I keep my voice calm even though my irritation keeps growing.
"I'm not suggesting anything; I'm just sharing with you my observation, and I'm sure that Hayden sooner or later will make a move. I think he sees Hannah as something more than the only sister of his sons"
I swallow my irritation and try not to show her how much her words bother me. Becca, of course, seems oblivious to what is happening to me. She was always concentrated merely on fighting and the pack matters and does not enjoy gossiping too much.
"I'm quite sure after this song, he will snatch her away from Gideon," she cheerfully says, which of course, makes me highly eager not to let that happen. I can see the bright full moon rising into the sky, so I'm standing up. I howl loud, making the music stop, and everybody goes quiet and looks at me.
I give a speech and praise my warriors, trackers, workers, and omegas. They all listen, and I can feel their pride, their commitment towards the pack and me. Finally, I invite Hannah and her siblings to the center and officially welcome them into my pack. I place my hands on their heads one by one, taking them under my protection and connecting their wolves with the rest of the pack. I enjoy touching Hannah's hair and the fact there will be no dancing tonight; I don't want anybody else to touch her.
But the odds are not in my favor again. The pack welcomes the new members with applause, and someone suggests we run through the woods. It is a tradition that after official gatherings, all pack members shift, and we all run together in our wolf form.
Everybody immediately starts shifting, and parents are taking their children who can't shift yet on their backs so every pack member can participate; of course, Hayden is immediately near Hannah, and I can see her putting Rosie on the back of his wolf and joining her shortly after. Byron howls in disappointment; he wants Hannah riding on us. I swallow my irritation once again, and I shift.
Even though I have to keep extreme concentration to stop Byron from doing something stupid when he sees Hannah straddling my brother's wolf, I enjoy the fact that she's looking at me. She's holding Rosie tight, but her eyes only stare at me. It reminds me of all the times she called Byron beautiful when we were alone in the woods. Of course, my wolf immediately trots in her direction because he wants to be close to her. When we get closer, Rosie takes a chance to pet our head, and to my bigger surprise, Byron starts wagging his tail; he was never too much into interacting with children, so I suspect that he wants to earn some prize from our mate.
"Hayden is beautiful, but I think Mikkeli is the most beautiful," Rosie says, and Hannah nods her head in agreement; thankfully, my pack members are too much into their own business to notice that Alpha is allowing himself to be treated as a lapdog by a small girl and a human girl.
Byron howls and starts running; soon, we are all in the woods, the ground is shaking under our paws, and the sound of our footfall spreads through the forest. As an Alpha, I run first, my Beta, and head warriors with their mates right beside me, including Hayden and the boys. I can feel the heartbeats of my pack, the blood pumping through their veins, their sharp breathing. I can detect their minds and feel their joy and amusement. The full moon shines brightly above us when my wolves and I race among the trees, united as one, united as a pack.
About an hour later, I and pack members slowly emerge through the woods into the direction of the packhouse, not all of us, though. Some will stay in wolf form longer, some will hunt, and many mates will probably use this opportunity to have sex under the sky. But most families with children are slowly trotting back toward a garden to collect their clothes, maybe eat something more and talk some more and then finally go back home; the celebration is over, and people seem tired but happy and relaxed.
From the corner of my eye, I'm instantly tracing Hannah; I watched her in the woods all the time; she looked mesmerized during our run. I could feel her rapid heartbeat and smelt her enjoyment. Now I watch from a certain distance as little Rosie seems to doze off, but the twins want to stay longer, so Hannah allows them, and they immediately run into the garden as Hannah takes her little sister upstairs.
That's a chance I need; Hayden talks with Gideon and seems not to pay too much attention to me. I put my briefs on and follow Hannah into the house; when she's putting Rosie to bed, I'm waiting for her in the corridor. I enjoy the sound of their giggling. I enjoy the sound of her voice when she sings the lullaby to Rosie. When she finally leaves the bedroom, she doesn't seem surprised to see me, and she could probably feel me through the mating bond.
"Please come with me," I only say, grabbing her hand. I lead her downstairs and to the kitchen door, making sure that no one sees us.
I shift and encourage her to ride on my wolf, and I'm taking her back into the forest, not that far away from the packhouse, but to the place we are safe from all the eyes and alone. I was going to follow Tony's advice and talk to her, but after I'm shifted, I'm painfully aware that I'm staying in front of her butt naked and instantly hard. She may not be aware of it because even though the moon shines bright today, the darkness of the night still engulfs us.
I come closer, lean down, and invite her lips to kiss me tenderly. This kiss is not strong and quick. For the first time, I know I have time; I'm not in a hurry. I gently move my lips, coaxing her to join me, which she does. I can feel her delicate lips moving together with mine. I let my tongue slip into her mouth, hugging her closer. I cup her face with my two hands, caressing her cheeks with my thumbs. I can feel her small hands clenched softly around my wrists. Her tongue is playing with my tongue. We are taking our time teasing and giving pleasure to each other. After we finally stop to get some air into our lungs, I can already hear how fast her heartbeat and shallow her breathing are.
I can feel Byron in my mind pushing me to go further to feel more of her. I want to feel more of her so desperately. I know she's aroused and scared at the same time as me; I want to seduce her and make her desire me. I push her back gently against the nearest tree, she takes a sharp breath, and I can feel her tense. I can't make her panic; I can't make her afraid of me again, so I kneel in front of her. She looks at me surprised, but I know that the fact that I'm no longer tower above her makes her calmer.
"Mikkeli," she whispers with a trembling voice.
"Shhh, feisty one, I'll make you feel good, I promise."
I probably should have asked for permission first, but as an Alpha, I'm not used to asking. I have never had to. And I don't want to risk her saying no, but at the same time, I pay attention to her body language. She's for sure nervous, but I don't feel any signs of displeasure or fear when my fingers start slowly caressing her inner thighs moving slowly up. I can feel her core through her underwear. I can feel that she is wet. I'm thinking about using my fingers for a moment, but I have a better idea; it should also please my wolf. I gently and slowly push her underwear down, and she gulps and shrinks a little.
"It's alright, you will like this; I promise I won't hurt you," I coax her, placing butterfly kisses on her thighs and, at the same time, tenderly spreading her legs a little.
I gently suck the delicate skin of her inner thighs, nipping it with my teeth from time to time. Her legs are shaking a little bit, and her breathing is getting faster and faster. Finally, my tongue is on her sex, and I start eating her out. I know how to give pleasure to a woman, and now I want to give pleasure to her. I enjoy every second of it. She's so soft, so wet, so delicious.
I move my tongue in a rhythm, and I know she likes it because her muscles keep tensing because of the moans which are leaving her mouth. She clutches the hair on my head stronger. I make my tongue move faster, move deeper at the same time, putting one of her legs over my shoulder, my hands holding her hips. Byron is howling in the excitement in my subconscious, and I start feeling overwhelmed with the smell of her orgasm as she throws her head back, her eyes shut, her mouth open, screaming my name. I feel her legs trembling as she fights not to lose her balance as I spill on the grass between her legs. I cum from the bare sensation of tasting her.
I raised my head to look at her pulling her onto my lap. We are both panting heavily; I feel her breasts on my bare chest as I bury my nose in her neck, inhaling deeply, still overwhelmed with pleasure. She's so tiny in my arms, but she fits there so perfectly.
"We should go back," she says after a while of cuddling, and we both slowly stand up.
"We should," I say. "Someone may see us."
She immediately snaps her head up to look at me, and I can see the fury in her eyes.
"Right, sorry, I keep forgetting that I'm your dirty little secret!" she hisses.
FUCK! That's not what I meant; that's not what I wanted to say. FUCK!
"Hannah, it's not what I meant to say; you don't understand..."
"What is it to understand? You are perfectly fine with making out with me but not with showing yourself around with me. That makes me your dirty little secret" She turns around, but before she leaves, I quickly grab her hand and force her to look at me again.
"You misunderstood me. I didn't mean that," I say, trying to keep myself calm. I don't want to snap at her, either.
"OK then, what did you mean?" she looks into my eyes, but her lips are trembling, and she jerks her arm away from my touch.
"I want you to be safe! I am the Alpha of Blackwood Pack, and you are my mate Hannah, which makes you my weak point whenever I accept or reject you. As my mate, you will always be my weak point, the only thing in the world that makes me completely vulnerable. Someone is hunting your brothers, probably to hurt Hayden, maybe me. What do you think would happen if somebody hears that you are my mate, if everybody hears that you are my mate? I have too many enemies, and you are safe because only people who I trust know about you, and I want you to be safe."
For a long moment, there is only silence before she takes a big breath and says:
"What do you want from me? I'm confused, Mikkeli, because you keep pulling me and then pushing me away, and we can't keep going like that."
"I want to have you, but..."
"You don't know if you want me as your Luna," she interrupts me.
"That's true," I sigh, "but you are the same as me, Hannah. You also don't know if you want to be my Luna, and don't try to deny it. You keep drinking wolfsbane, Hannah, so I can't mark you, and you are doing this because you haven't made your decision yet."
I make one small step to get closer to her; she keeps looking into my eyes but doesn't say anything.
"We are talking here about werewolves mating, Hannah. It's not like in your human world, where you can later get a divorce or separate from each other. Mating between true mates is final; marking each other is final. I know that Hayden and Rose explained that to you, and I understand perfectly why you are unsure and why you want to secure yourself with wolfsbane. I do. I don't want to force you to do anything, Hannah, but I'm unsure if I can control myself, Byron is pushing me, and the mating bond is pushing me, but at the same time, I'm scared of commitment. Mate bond forces desire but not emotions Hannah. It's not a guarantee that you will be happy with each other; you need both people's commitment, preferably love between them. Are you in love with me, Hannah?"
She turns her eyes away from me, and I feel a sharp pain in my heart because I know her answer.
"And you, Mikkeli, are you in love with me?" she asks instead of answering my question.
"I have feelings for you, Hannah, but I'm unsure if they are strong enough to prevent me from hurting or forcing you. You need to understand that if I decide to take you, nobody will be able to stop me. No one can stop us when Byron and I are in perfect sync. If it was up to Byron, he would have mated with you and marked you when we had met for the first time. And honestly, do you want to stay here on my land with me forever?
"I... I don't know," she looks at me again " I'm probably doing the same as you, postponing my decision as long as I can. And the fact that you were always so harsh with me doesn't help."
"I'm a harsh person Hannah. I know it's not an excuse for how I treated you. I am painfully aware that I was abusive towards you, and I hurt you very much, but this is what I am, I am a brutal, cold warrior. I want to be with you, I want you to be happy, I want to make you happy, but at the same time, I don't know if I can do it if I know how to do it."
I get closer to her and gently touch her face, and she leans into my touch.
"We really should go; it's late," I say.
"Mikkeli... what if, when I make my decision, when my brothers will be safe, when we know what happened to my parents, when this threat, whoever it is, will be over. When the time comes, and I decide I don't want to stay here, I want to leave. What will you do?"
I can hear the tension in her voice, the nervousness in her body, and the worry in her eyes. I probably should tell her something reassuring to calm her down, but I think she deserved the truth, the core basis of every relationship.
"If it is your decision, I hope I will be strong enough to let you go."