If you've been paying any attention to my life so far, it'd be a little too obvious that I have some unresolved mummy issues which was one of the things Kendra said that made me lose my cool and slap her earlier.. I guess I should throw in a little bit of context as to why she said that my mother never acknowledged me as her daughter.
I was born in a small town in Jacksonville, Oregon and it was so small, hidden and insignificant that I don't even remember the name of that awful town. However, I do remember that it was a shit hole and I hated living there. It wasn't always all bad. I had few friends and after puberty, I started having boyfriends too and that gave me the chance to learn about the powers that I possess as a woman. Sex made my life in that town a little better and it liberated me from the good girl my mother was trying to mold me into, which was very hypocritical on her part because she was the biggest slut I knew and in a sense, she taught me everything I knew about how to handle men.
I never knew my dad. My mom never spoke about him and I don't even know if he's dead, if he just took off and abandoned me or if he even knows that I exist. I did know the several bums my mom dated over the years though before she settled for my god-awful stepdad, Roy. Gosh, I hated how we lived back then! Night after night, there was always a new guy in the house and at night, the sound of a complete stranger banging my mum in the other room was always too much for me to take. She dressed very inappropriately and entertained all these men and it made her neglect me.
She used to look at me like I was a burden to her; like I was holding her back from being even wilder and more irresponsible than she already was. We never had one meaningful conversation and we never actually connected as mother and daughter. Even when I got my first period, my teacher at highschool was the only one I told about it and my mom never once asked me about it. She never cared! I practically raised myself and learned to be independent as a little girl. She gave me so much freedom and zero guidance which made me get involved with the wrong crowd of kids and well, I became a rebel, a real piece of work and when I started having boyfriends, wearing makeup and going out at night in skimpy clothes, my mom showed interest in my life for the first time.
She hated that I was a better, younger, sexier version of her and tried to control me but I was far too defiant at that point so she had no power over me. And then, she married Roy and well, everything pretty much went downhill from there. He didn't treat her right and just like her, he didn't care whether I was alive or not. He also drank a lot of booze and some of the nights that I slept at home always involved me hearing him beating her in their bedroom while he forced himself on her. I didn't feel sorry for her at all. In fact, I was glad that she married such an abuser who treated her like the whore that she was.
It was all fine until the day Roy decided to upgrade from beating up my mom to beating me. The first day he put his disgusting hands on me made me realize that it was time for a change. I started saving up some money and when I was good and ready to go, I got out of that awful town as quickly as I could and I never looked back.
I did leave Roy with a parting gift that he would most certainly never forget. You could say that I "hit the nail on the head🔨 🍆" if you know what I mean.
All that I suffered as a girl molded me into the woman I am today. But, did it break me and make me weak? Abso-fucking-lutely not! If anything, it made the strongest lioness on the planet and the world was yet to hear me roar.