He does not wish me to be with him any longer…I don't understand…he made me swear an oath never to leave him, I cannot abandon that but now it is so much more difficult…
Even had no oath been sworn, she could not merely leave him behind. She still had a mission. She had carried on with it when they had been separated before, and she would do so again.
But for how long? It was evident that they desired her to marry Avel, going so far as to arrange their meeting at the smithy, and make it seem a happy accident. How could she do both what she must and what was desired of her?
Well…the courtship would take some time, or so she believed. That particular knowledge had not been included in what had been implanted within her. Even if they wished to hurry it along, she was confident she could delay the proceedings until she figured out how to successfully accomplish both.
He does not wish me with him any longer…So much so he throws me at another man. I became too familiar with him during his illness, and make him so uncomfortable now…For such desperate measures to be taken, he must despise me.
Fortunately humans required sleep, and Avel had a particularly strenuous job. His slumber would be deep indeed. Until the children came, she would be free to continue her duties. However, what to do after she had begun birthing sons and daughters?
Strength was required, and resolve, and most importantly, she must retain her wits. They would all be needed in order for her to remain able.
She was capable of being a good wife to Avel, as was expected of her, and hopefully a good mother, although she had absolutely no idea of anything maternal. Then again, she supposed most women were in that predicament. She was not the only woman to give birth without a mother or family of her own to guide her. Human women dealt with it, she could as well.
He must despise me. How well he hid it until now. It must have been most provoking to him, to pretend in such a manner while he made such preparations. How glad he must be to be rid of me. I was too familiar, and disrespectful of his position. How foolish of me to treat him in such a manner. My impudence has led to this.
And she would be spending most of her time with the starosta, whom she was very fond of. That would be a balm to her. He was a very soothing influence, and would help keep her grounded.
Now that Gavril had chosen this path, she was sure his piety would only continue to grow, that the path that led to the light and not the dark would be the inevitable result. The demons that plagued him would be powerless, and they would move on to other prey.
Then she would be able to return where she belonged.
Her family would be sad upon her "death", but they would adapt. Humans were very good at changing to suit the situation.
It was something she could never hope to master.
This is all my doing. I was impudent, and forward. Shameless! Shameless! How must he see me? He once spoke of the purity of my love for God…how sullied it must be now. The disappointment he feels is great indeed, in the false modesty I showed him. I could never hope to explain it was done in ignorance. And it shouldn't matter. He is a priest, one God chose out of so many, and I treated him as if he were a friendly companion.
And I dared the unthinkable.
To love him as a man. I must disgust him.
Shameless!
"Ah, Snegurochka. Did your walk help?"
"It did, starosta, thank you for asking."
"Popiy Gavril has already gone. We…thought it for the best."
"I trust in your guidance."
"I see that."
Turning to him after hanging up her coat, she gave him a smile. "Do not sound so worried, starosta. I am fine. I will continue to be so. You have both made it very clear what I am to do. I will do it and with a glad heart."
"Come, Snegurochka, sit with me a moment."
Dutifully she settled next to him. With that unexpected strength, the starosta pulled her to his shoulder.
"It is okay to cry as well," he whispered into her hair. "That, too, is the guidance of the starosta."
"But I do not need—" Wetness splashing down her cheek stopped her words, and she buried her face in the rough nap of the old man's shirt and sobbed.