The ride home was very awkward. Leon was still clearly upset with me, it didn't matter that he said it was fine. I could tell it wasn't.
His posture was stiff as he sat in his chair,still and emotionless with his legs crossed and fingers all linked together against his stomach as he leaned back and he spent the first hour home in complete silence. No energetic music, no positive vibes, no happiness from him at all. Just the barely audible sound of the jet engine humming.
I sat across from him and kept my legs crossed. My choice of clothing for the long ride back home was comfy, with grey baggy sweat pants and a navy sleeveless wool turtle neck,covered up by an oversized red wool shall.
I thought about telling him. Telling him about what I'd found on my body. The bruises on my neck, the hicky I had collected on my stomach right above my belly button. Or the odd mark that went all around my body just above my hips as if a belt had been tightly fastened there. Or the bite marks and bruises all over my thighs. Even the red marks around my wrists from some kind of abrasion.
Leon was dressed down same as me. Ever since we left the hotel, he was wearing bell bottom blue denim jeans, and a orange wife beater that was tucked into the jeans. He looked so casual, but it was still odd to see him dressed down. It almost never happened.
I stared at him across from me. I wanted to tell him but perhaps it would be much better to forget about it and leave it all behind.
The loud sigh I would then come to release would be the only thing that broke our silence.
His eyes looked up at me after making that sound and his posture changed. Was it a breaker for both of us? Whatever the case he put his leg down and leaned to the side against the armrest of his chair.
"So~ what do you plan on doing when we get back?" I asked him quietly as I continued to watch his face.
"Work." he said quickly and quietly.
"Oh. You are going to be managing one of the venues?"
"Yeah." he said with a loud exhale.
"what is it this time?" I asked trying to keep a conversation with him.
"The waterfront venue is being rented out for a fashion show on the ground floor and up top some of the elites are having a birthday party for some songstress."he said as he maintained eye contact with me.
I had gotten an odd thought. I'm not sure why, but it wasnt the first time it had crossed my mind. Looking at Leon. Outside of all his bright neons, and his bizarre makeup expressions, his slutty clothing, and outside of his vibrant energy. He was just a man.
A man indeed, outside of his persona. He was hot, and oftentimes it definitely bothered me. Some gay men are too beautiful, perhaps it's just the delicate care that they put into themselves that other men do not. But regardless my mind kept thinking its bizarre thoughts. If Leon were not gay, could he? Would he be mine? How wrongful of me to think that. His preference is a choice he's made on his long journey through life.
Desperately. I oh so desperately wanted to ask him. It festered in my mind.
"Hey... Leon? I don't think we've ever really talked about it before..." I began. I have to choose my words. Carefully, wisely, he was already upset at me and I didn't want to make it worse.
His eyes watched me curiously as he raised an eyebrow.
"Talked about what?"
"Well... Jeez." I stopped with a sigh, the way he was watching me definitely killed my motivation to ask but I pushed forward.
I let out a small breath as I continued.
"I know youre...gay and everything. But sometimes it crosses my mind. Have you ever been with a woman at all? Or have you always known you were into men?" I asked quietly.
I couldn't get a read on his face, what was he thinking, what was he feeling. Was he angry at me? I couldn't tell at all so I just watched his face.
" I don't know why but sometimes I get curious about it." I said as I silenced myself on the subject.
"sorry..."
He put his head down and I heard a small laugh from him. He shook his head and then sat up looking at me.
"Yes... I have been with three women. However I prefer to call myself gay over bisexual. Since my first male partner I haven't slept with a woman. Not to say women are.... Grotesque in any way. There's just something more appealing about a same sex encounter."he said as he stood up and went to the mini fridge. He reached inside and took out a bottle of water. He opened it and took a small sip from it.
" I suppose it feels more.... Understanding. To have a partner with the exact same parts as you. In a way it can be more pleasing because we understand that what feels good, is good for both of us. Why what thought had sparked your brain to give you these odd questions?" he said looking at Mr again.
"Simple curiosity I guess..." I said as I leaned farther in my chair. This felt awkward. But I'm glad at least that I managed to talk with him instead of sitting in silence.
He continued to watch me as he slowly tightened the cap on the water bottle.
"You know sometimes your odd Lil."he said with a smile as he tossed the water bottle over to me.
" Have a drink. You look dehydrated." he said as he returned back to his seat and took out his phone from his back pocket.