"I thought you quit smoking years ago." First it was his voice,then he appeared in front of her and lifted the pudding watching it in the cup.
"I came to the conclusion that I need to tell you something and a stimulant it's going to help me. Anyway I stopped smoking so I can be alert at all times at people around me, so I can flee from the spot at the first occasion, if he... If I am found by him." Talking in the open about her deepest fear, was something new to Cheryl, but talking with her brother about it, was something that she didn't know she needed until this moment.
"Who hurt you, puddin'?" She could see the struggle in his eyes. The rage and sadness that he didn't knew.
"He's name was Marcus and he appeared at my lowest moment. He made me believe that life was something worth living and he made me happy when I thought that happiness was something from a fairytale." She took a long smoke from the joint, letting it fill her lungs and the memories started before her eyes. "The signs were there, the jealousy, the mean remarks about my body, the way I dressed. When we were fuckin' every time he was cold and unemotional. The drinking and beatings from every little thing,yet he could be a real charmer the very next day... Little by little he succeeded in making me hate myself and starting to believe that all the things he did, I deserved them."
Cheryl took a moment to smoke her joint and wipe her tears away. It was surprisingly easy to talk about it with Danny, for her. Maybe she should've done this a long time ago, maybe, just maybe they would've still be together, both alive.
"I don't remember when it started, my self loathing, but I remember the night I snapped. It was winter, he came home drunk again, and he brought a friend with him this time. He wanted me to give that man a blow job so he could watch." She heard a growling sound, almost demonic, from her brother's troath. "I can't remember what was it that scared the dude away, but when I asked him to leave, he ran out of our apartment like it was on fire. I knew that Marcus was going to beat me next, because I didn't do what he asked me to. He would always slap me, or pull my hair and banged my head to the wall if I didn't do what he ordered. But that night... After that stranger left, the door closed itself after him, and the windows started cracking all around us. We didn't have a heater in the house, because he drank the money for the electricity, but I remember how warm and safe was the air all around me. Yet, he started to scream that his body was burning up from the inside, and all I did was watch. I remember vividly that for the first time in six years of relationship, I was smiling. I was smiling with my whole face that he was in pain."
The joint was almost over, but her hands were still shaking, because the flashbacks of that night still gave her contempt.
"Next thing I now, he is kneeling in front of me, begging me to stop, and all that I was thinking was that, I used to do that countless time. I would always beg him to stop hurting me, and he would just smile, and do more damage. All the knives in the house started dancing around him, slicing him up. But Danny, I was ecstatic. His every cry fuelled me up."
"But you stopped." It wasn't a question, her brother knew her better then anyone.
"For a second I got scared of myself, and yeah, I stopped. I told him that we were done, and that if he ever came across my path I will end his pathetic life." She was stoned as shitt now, so she put the joint away, and looked in her brother's eyes for the first time since she started saying her story. "The thing is, he's chasing me every since. Every town I moved, he found me. We didn't clash since that night, but I feel him in my bones when he's near. It's like millions of spiders start crawling all over my body. I don't know if what happened that night would happen again, or if he would finally kill me. But Danny, I'm afraid. I'm scared shitless of Marcus. That's why I don't go out, that's why Pablo is always on alert. I think this furry ball in sensing my fear."
"Do you trust me, puddin'?"
"You're the only one I trust in this damned world, Danny."
"Then call mom, and put her on speaker. I need her to do something for me."