Robin:
Badger is weirding me out so I flee from him and back towards our bedrooms in the other wing of the villa, nearly knocking over Jay with my speed and tipsy wobble.
"Woah there Nelly," Jay says, laugh-snorting. Probably tipsy too.
"Come to bed," I say, "I'll read you a bedtime story."
I didn't expect that to work, but it did, and we enter the spacious and comfy room I left my bag in to fetch my laptop – I take it everywhere with me, you never know when you'll want to write! – and fire it up.
Jay sits quietly on the bed, but watches with interest as I load up the message I wrote to Whispersong. We haven't even taken our shoes off and have tracked the reddish dust of country into the cream-white room with us, as we perch on the end of the bed fully clothed, like we did that first night.
Last night? Wow.
"Ok, so, you know tha-" I begin.
"You don't have to explain. Just tell me,"
Ok, here goes.
I put the laptop in Jay's lap, so I don't have to read the words written on the screen, but they're pretty much burned into my memory anyway and I'm sure I'll just end up gushing them in short order.
"I'm glad we're not going to sleep in separate rooms," I say quietly, but Jay holds up a finger, dismissing my musing in a way I kind of like.
Eyes widening and tears beginning to brim, Jay's head moves rapidly from side to side as the end of the message surely approaches.
"It's true," I start saying, knowing the words are written down too, "I believe everything I've said to be true. It has to be, I know because I was going to kill myself."
"So was I," Jay says, unable to hold back the tears that are coming now.
I didn't know that.
"You saved my life,"
"And you mine, I was going to hand out those tickets and kill myself in my hotel room when I got back that night. I had it all planned out."
I can't believe it. Whispersong saved lives indeed, but importantly, we saved each other's too.
"That confirms everything I'm saying. This is from God. It's love, and it's a gift. It's perfect. Immaculate."
"Well, I don't know if it confirms it," Jay says, and we fall back on the bed into a fully-clothed and deep, impassioned kiss.
"I love you," we both say, and kiss until even the band have fallen asleep.
***
I roll over in the absolute best mood.
It's like all the awkwardness and tension of the past two days have gone and on this, the third day, we are emerging from the cave in perfect love.
"It's a little awkward," Jay says, slowly sitting up. "I feel guilty I don't believe in God as much as you do."
"There's no need to feel bad about that. I don't need you to agree or even to understand, it's just nice sometimes when you see people try to understand, and I reckon even if you try and fail, I can forgive you no probs," I try to sound cool about it, and I am really, I'd just so love for someone that isn't Badger to share my beliefs!
"I'll try," Jay says.
"I know you will, breakfast?!"
Getting up and changing out of the clothes we slept in into fresh ones, we quietly open our bedroom door and sneak into the rest of the villa. There isn't a sound save for the occasional gust of wind and the flutter of autumnal leaves being swept across the terraces.
Somehow the smell of fresh coffee floods the place, and sets me hankering for one.
"Let's find the kitchen." We agree, clasping hands and racing off over the marble floors in our socks. Jay's hands are bigger than mine, and feel capable and strong when they grasp mine and I don't ever want to let go, even if it's to grab a mug of coffee.
I let go to grab a mug of coffee when we get to the kitchen and the band are all there, up and eating cereal whilst Badger hands everyone their mug. There's one of those fancy machines chugging out mug after mug of incredible espresso and I wonder how quickly it'd be appropriate for me to ask for a second after I inhale the first.
"Was NOT expecting you guys to be up," I tell them.
Ferret shrugs, whilst Stoat explains it's easy to rise early when you all have to chip in on the social media, and I just now notice each of them has a tablet next to their bowls.
"We've just hit 1.5 billy," Fox says, leaning back on his chair and putting his hands behind his head, causing his ample biceps to rise the same way his cheeks do with his grin.
"Don't say billy that sounds ridiculous," Badger admonishes.
"It's a 50% increase from yesterday Badge, let's call it what we want,"
"We're definitely doing something right," the frontman agrees. "You guys want some breakfast? There's bacon and eggs and toast and stuff if you can't be assed with this alpine shit."
Before I can answer to explain how I'd happily garrotte someone for some bacon, Jay has swept over to the fridge and begun removing everything we need to make an epic sarnie, causing my heart and stomach to lurch as one.
"Cute," Stoat pipes up.
"You all set for the gig?" I ask, trying to make small talk.
"Yeah, pumped to try the new song, it's called Gauntlet and it's about rising to challenges. Seems pretty apt. Or will I guess." Stoat says, and I guess he's talking about their journey to "4 billy".
"It's here by the way, so we like, don't have to go anywhere." He continues, and I did wonder if that'd be the case.
"Tour bus will bring a stage and stuff later and we'll set up in the front like we did for your welcome yesterday. Should be pretty easy. Your backstage passes get you access to this place," he pauses to gesture wildly at the rest of the Villa. "Pretty wild right?!"
"Amazing, thank you," I tell him.
"Thank you," Jay echoes over the sound of cooking bacon.
"Can we help you prepare at all? Do you have anything we could like help with?" Jay asks, surprising me.
"Sure!" It's Ferret who answers in the affirmative, surprising us all.
"We're trying to decide what to post about you guys – our first Whispersong Official Bandmates (name pending) – and whether we should do it before, during, or after the gig. It's about offering a sort of premium subscription to us as the band. Whispersong-as-a-service if you like, but it's free and just for the people that deserve it you know."
"That sounds amazing! You'll make a lot of people very happy," Jay says, beaming, but the contrarian in me lashes out.
"It does sound great, but do you think just for this time we could be Robin and Jay instead of Official Bandmates #1 and #2? I'd much prefer that."
There's a moment of silence and I worry I've offended them, but Ferret merely giggles.
"Robin, everything we do is for a reason. We'd never sell out like that and we'll treat everyone as who they are instead of a number, but it's good to get that reality check from you." Before I know it, he's hugging me, and I'm thinking hey now when did we become friends as Badger clears his throat ready to make an announcement.
"Team, we can focus group with Robin as Jay as we get ready, I've just had a test to say the first audience members will arrive in t-minus 2 hours, we've gotta suit up!"
***
Jay:
Fox let me has a go on one of the drum kits.
I gotta say, I could get used to this.
I try to smash my way into happiness and there's no discernible beat but there's a look of quiet appreciation on his face regardless. He doesn't even try to show me how to do it or give me guidance, just watches.
I'm so mad at myself for telling Robin the truth about what I was going to do that night, and I'm so humbled: I don't feel worthy of the love and appreciation – the belief that what we have could be immaculate – when even with cash and career prospects, I'm still such an ungrateful piece of shit that I could think about doing something callous and selfish like ending it all.
My eyes sting as much as my fingers, which I'm now mashing into the hard metal rings of the drumkit because I can hardly see where the skin is anymore through the tears.
"Hey now," Fox is saying, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.
"Whatever it is, Jay, just let it go. Let it go. There's no reason to carry it with you, so put it down, let it go, and never pick it up again."
If I didn't love Robin, I'd love him I swear.
I get up and hug him, and our similar heights put our mouths super close and it's a little awkward, so I immediately back off, thanking him for letting me play the drums and running to find Robin. I want to talk before the gig because I never said thank you.
***
Robin:
When Jay tracks me down whilst everyone's getting ready for the gig, something's a little different. But the opposite of off. Something's on. Very on. With wild hair, a puffed-out demeanour and eyes I imagine the first astronaut would have been proud of, Jay launches at me and is all hugs and kisses, totally unrestrained. Even the smart outfit has come untucked, adding to the wildness.
It's hot.
"Thank you," Jay's whispering between kisses, on my face, lips, neck.
"Thank you thank you thank you thank you."
***
Robin:
We watch the first cars arrive and pull up outside the gates. The fans will have a long walk, and literally look like little leaves when they first start the journey up the drive.
It's only now that we notice the speakers set up at regular intervals along it, and that the fans will be able to enjoy some behind the scenes audio as they make the journey. If we strain our ears, we can hear the tuning of instruments, and I think some laughter from Stoat. These guys are natural marketers, deliberately playing riffs that fans won't recognise from their newer material. It's no surprise that they've already shot past 1.5 billion subscribers and I'm sure they'll reach two before long.
We hold hands as we watch the cavalcade of fans, the sun shining and blowing dust as we take stock of and providing commentary on those arriving.
"Are those two guys carrying a sofa?" Jay asks.
I giggle.
"Yeah, looks like it, smart idea! That group of six there look like they have a sack of popcorn each and they're already handing it out to the other Little Leaves! They'll have nothing left by the time it starts…"
"Oh look at those beer helmets!"
"I think they've got backpacks full of beer and are dispensing them, want to head over and meet some other Little Leaves?" I ask, getting a bit over-eager.
"I'm ok right here," Jay says, and squeezes my hand a little harder. I squeeze back, understanding that this is a moment just for us. It's a truly beautiful place, and it's almost like there's an aura around it, making it just that little bit more special than the rest of the world at this moment. As awkward and weird as it is to be abroad with the world's biggest country band, it feels like exactly where we're meant to be.
***
Jay:
You'd be forgiven for thinking I might be jealous of all these creative people and their talent, but one of the things I like most about pulling on my greens and being a Little Leaf is the fact that I get to just be a fan. I don't have to do anything more than try and enjoy myself, and as we've learned even that is hard enough for me.
Even before the world got worse and everyone started wishing they'd simply died in their sleep before 2020, there was a widespread move towards hating everything – especially around music and entertainment. We were so obviously enjoying a new renaissance, and yet it was trendy to talk about how our best days were behind us and the good old days were gone. Many failed to see the irony when those good days did go, and instead dug their heels in, doubling down on negativity.
Perhaps the reason – I think – that I'm such a good fan, has been I put all my love, respect, appreciation, and enjoyment into things external to myself. Yeah, that sounds about right, and I thumb my phone in my pocket, tempted to quit and never return to the life I lived hiding from life.
Robin's doing a little dance now, smiling and enjoying. I'm happy enough to just watch as life happens, but I think it's time to start participating, too.
***
Robin:
I thought about telling Jay to lighten up and try to live in the moment, but once again found myself thinking it'd be better to lead by example and show rather than tell, like we learn in Writing 101. Show don't tell.
I'm vibrating with the opportunity in front of us, we're on a rollercoaster now and before we know it, the band will be playing for us once again. There's no support act, and a limited amount of tickets were sold to keep the gig small and intimate so the band can test new material on their slow journey back to the states.
I'd wager that the full two or three hundred fans have arrived already, and the earliest are nearly upon us, so I grab Jay's hand and we run back to the Villa to find the best vantage point for watching later. The band were clear they had something planned that we couldn't be in the crowd for, we have to stick with them. Maybe they don't want us telling the other Little Leaves about what they're like, their new material or the plans for their bootcamp thing, I'm not sure, but when we linger outside their studio where they're back in their full gear, Badger waves us inside.
Sheepish, we don't what to say. Luckily he is never short on words.
"You two enjoying yourselves, beautiful day huh? I know people from England love talking about the weather!" his mouth beams but his eyes are darkened by the shadow cast across his face by the headdress, giving him that dangerous allure again.
Fox, Stoat and Ferret have similarly adopted their stage personas once more, and I find myself wishing I had one of my own and smiling as I think having to manage two identities is probably Jay's nightmare.
Jay:
These guys are like chameleons, seamlessly changing their colours with the practiced ease of people who have been doing it for a long time. They might not realise that a lot of us Little Leaves have been doing that for years too, even before we knew who Whispersong were.
Look at me, I'm doing an Us VS Them thing aren't I? Why? There's been no animosity here. Didn't Robin say something about a disagreement with the parents or something? Why am I the one fostering division when everyone else is trying to unite?
I force a smile so I don't start growling like a mustelid.
Robin:
The moment I whispered a prayer for arrives, as Fox steals a minute from God himself.
"Come on you two, show us what you've learned from being here." He says, motioning us to unoccupied instruments. Jay approaches a drumkit far faster than I'm able to reach and acoustic guitar, and the gravity of the moment feels like it makes me an inch shorter.
Badger holds up a warning finger and whispers "You're on mic, so if you don't want to be heard, don't speak, but do play!" Jay leaps into a series of triple rolls that, judging by the disappearance of his eyebrows into his headdress, impresses Fox, whilst I finger at a G Major chord.
It doesn't sound terrible, but it isn't good either, so the band start quietly accompanying us to compensate, and I'm pretty sure that for the first time in history, two Little Leaves are playing with the greatest band ever and the feeling is sublime.
"Awesome, let's jam after the show, too!" Stoat says, accidentally giving the game away and immediately covering his mouth with both hands. Badger springs into action, lowering the master volume with one of thousands of switches on a dashboard of pedals that hurt my eyes to look at before standing and ushering everyone out of the studio.
"I set you guys up the best seats in the house." Ferret says leading us to two wing back armchairs in the entrance hall of the Villa, one by each window looking out into the carpark-turned venue. "With the windows open you'll hear everything just fine, but you'll have privacy because nobody will be able to see in and they'll be looking up at us on the makeshift stage anyways probably," he continues whilst pointing to little bowls he has set out for us full of snacks, next to a small mountain of drinks that delight me. There are one or two more lagers in my pile than Jay's.
"Are you ready?" he asks, looking directly at me, "cos, you know, everything's probably gunna change today."
"I don't understand," I say, "Are you alright Ferret?"
"It's all good," he says and heads towards the door, whilst the rest of the band give us high fives and say things like 'see you on the other side'.
Once they're out of the villa and therefore earshot, Jay and I agree they're acting a little weird, but that we should just sit back and enjoy the show.
***
Robin:
Even as they open, it's clear we're watching a different Whispersong to the one we saw back in London. These beautiful, creative souls are so much more intimate, considered, and powerful in the expression of their artistry.
An instrumental warmup that's rockier than normal warms up the crowd, including the two of us. I didn't like the way Ferret set up the chairs – one at each window flanking the door – as Jay felt too far away, so I've dragged mine over and we're now close enough to hold hands whilst we watch.
After a few minutes in which the band gets steadily louder and more hardcore, there's finally a pause, with only some tinkering from Stoat to accompany Badger's opening lines.
"Hello France!
We wanted to mix it up a bit with this gig, and practice some new material with a smaller group of you today and so we hope it's ok if we ask no photos or recordings at any time during the gig ok? I know it's tempting, but just try to be with us in the moment, and we'll be sending official shots and a survey to your email, along with a discount for our next in-country gig, how does that sound?!"
The tiny crowd roars, and the dusty wind of near sundown is drowned out and replaced with the fervour of true advocacy. These people love Whispersong. I wonder if they all got the tickets the same way we did, but they're not in the villa, we are…
"Thank you, we're going to get straight to it then, this next song is a new one, it's called Gauntlet and it's about how our burdens never lessen, our shoulders simply broaden. The answer, my friends, is always harder work, sorry! Try to enjoy it though, and we have a special surprise to share with you once you've heard it. Let's hope everyone's up for the gauntlet that's about to be thrown down?!"
More applause, possibly some crying. Quizzical looks exchanged as everyone asks themselves what the surprise could be.
Jay:
Oh my god.
"Robin," I reach out to grab a shoulder and demand attention as my synapses fire.
"It's us Robin, we're the surprise!"
Robin:
Jay is shouting something at me, but the music is so loud and so… metal?! It sounds a bit metal! It's a great vibe, and it makes sense the band would want to expand its musical repertoire as they get bigger and bigger. They can branch out whilst still staying true to their country roots, for sure.
*
Jay:
Takes me a moment to realise that Robin can't hear a word I'm saying as we resort to that fake pretend-I-understand-nod and as much as I want to be mad, it's impossible, because though I can imagine a life without Robin, because I had that once, recently too, I now can't imagine her without me.
Better that we're a team working together against the problem of our love than… being in love and having a problem with each other.
I guess I'm the practical one.
Robin:
My heart Is clenching like a fist as I realise the song is coming to an end. I'd never heard it but somehow knew all the words, just like the Little Leaves in the front row I could see mouthing the lyrics. What sorcery is this? What power does this band have over others?
With the sensation of water pouring from a bottle, my knowledge of the song and what it sounded like, what the words were, even anything beyond the name of it flee my mind, leaving me only with the feeling that a challenge is about to be issued, and must be accepted.
Everything goes quiet, and I can hear the thumping of about two hundred and six hearts.
"Now," Badger intones, as we wait anxiously for his words, "for our surprise!".
"Robin, Jay, would you two come out here please?" he asks, with that honeyed, impossible-to-say-no-to voice of his.
Jay gets up and starts to move before I do, practically dragging me up as I sink into the chair…we didn't agree to…
"We'd like y'all to meet some friends of ours." I can see him say the words as we leave through the main entrance of the villa and head towards the stage, with more eyeballs on me than I've ever had in my life.
All I can think is 'Don't Fall Over. Try To Be Cool. Ex-Terr-Minate" and I laugh-snort at my own nerdiness as Jay strides forwards with those long legs and the affected swagger of someone that knows they know how to switch it on, wearing smarter clothes, and looking better, but it's cool, I can rock the shabby-chic look no probs.
Due to the small size of the gig the stage is really just a raised platform and there're only a disappointing four steps to climb to get up onto it and be level with the band. The steps from the edge of the stage to the centre feel like an ocean to swim across, but our feet carry themselves and we wait nervously next to Badger. He said this one wasn't televised, right?
"Everybody, we have something important to share with you tonight!" he roars, and the little crowd roars back, like lion cubs, finding their voices.
"These angels with me and the band are Robin and Jay. They are our friends. They are Little Leaves like you, and they met at our concert in London this week."
He does that thing where he takes a pause again. It's devastating.
"Our belief is that they are perfectly, flawlessly, immaculately in love."
Jay does a little gasp, and if you could hear smiles, mine would have been like ten gasps.
The crowd "Awwwws" like we are puppies or piglets and I'm about to get pissed off before he starts talking again.
"I know it's a stretch. I know it sounds mad, but haven't we seen from the last few years that life can change quickly and without reason or warning? Well what if that change was positive and not negative. What happened for Jay and Robin could happen for all of you, and if you'll let us, we'd like to help."
"That's why we're announcing tonight Whispersong Bandca-"
"Bullshit!" someone in the crowd shouts, and that's when the booing starts.
***
Jay:
I knew this was a bad idea, the second I realised what Whispersong's intentions were. This was probably some hairbrained management-advisory bullshit plan concocted by their advisor to ratchet up their viewcount, but it won't help.
How on earth have we arrogantly assumed anyone else can be happy for anyone else being happy?!
No, this was a mistake…no matter how true it is.
Before he can help himself, Badger cusses with an audible WTF that I'm sure is going to land him in the social media doghouse. They must have honestly thought because they're the biggest band in the world that everyone will just love whatever they do, but that's the funny thing about love, not everyone loves it.
Robin:
WTF man? They don't like us?
Well, I mean there's only a few booing, probably not even half, but the human mind is hardwired towards the negative right? I try to flee the stage and drag Jay with me but Badger motions for us to stop whilst he tries to regain control of the situation.
"Right, ok, I didn't provide much context, and I expected y'all to understand what we're trying to get at here. I'd probably have nailed it if we'd have accepted management and all the PR training that comes with it, but the fact is we're new to this too… bear with me… you know we read all the messages you send, well Robin here sent a message we were so enamoured with that we thought we just had to invite these two out and get to know them better both as our fans and as people."
He takes a deep breath, clutching and looking at his band members for support, all of whom look away, so I just take a step closer to him so he knows he isn't alone.
"We thought that-" he interrupts himself with a little chokesob that, if it's real, is adorable, and if it was put on is masterful, "we thought that if we spent more time closer to Little Leaves we could do a better job of being your band, you know?"
"Anyways, how about we play the Whisper Song?!"
Finally, the sentiment of the audience turns from one of a balloon about to burst towards the littlest leaves falling from the tallest tree towards the greenest forest floor.
Jay:
I know that Robin would have stood there awkwardly, gawkily for the rest of the gig, and that is an admirable characteristic, but I don't have that sort of fortitude and am desperate for a drink, for once.
"Can we go back to our chairs?" I whisperyell into Robin's ear, and once movement finally happens, it happens quick. Once we're back in our seats, I try to understand the reasoning behind it all.
"Do you really think the world is ready for love again? When it was just really leaning into hate?" I ask, hating myself for asking, and proving the point in the process.
"Just cos something's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for it, I think that's the point." Robin says, looking kind of sad.
"Hey, I didn't mean to…"
"No, I get it. It's super hard for people to like… be honest."
"Yeah, that's exactly it. But I'll be honest with you right now seeing as I have the opportunity. Wouldn't change a thing."
"You wouldn't?"
"Nah, not since we met. Everything before that maybe!" I try to force my face into the grin emoji but stop halfway through as Robin will probably think I'm having a stroke.
Robin:
Jay has such a FACE!
It's so angular and strong and sharp, bladed and kissable. I think I'll just look at it for a while, and ignore the sounds of the gig outside getting louder and quieter and louder and quieter…
I pour Jay and I some whiskeys with lager chasers as we've been put on the spot a lot tonight and we fucking deserve it. Especially Jay. What a great job, I'm in awe, and I think about how great it would be if everyone would say the nice things they thing.
"Hey Jay,"
"Yeah,"
"I'm in awe of you,"
"Uh? You're gross,"
"I know, I don't care, it's true though"
"I love you,"
"I-" instead of using words I decide this moment calls for action, and leap from my chair into Jay's lap, lips first. The whiskey and the weirdness on the air help somewhat, but for the first time I think I'd kiss someone uninebriated.
"I'll kiss you in the morning too," I promise.
"You promise?"
"I promise!"
We're interrupted, right when we're getting tonguesy, by the band storming in. Badger is furious, demanding to know why the French Little Leaves "just don't get it", whilst the wiser members of the group tell him that many fans all around the world won't get it either.
Ferret comes straight over to us.
"You guys did nothing wrong, this is on us, and, uh, … don't go on social for a bit." He says as he scurries way towards his bedroom and disappears in the darkness of the villa now the sun has gone down and a couple hundred souls are leaving – what will happen to those souls that stay?
Badger & Stoat are in action mode, pulling out laptops on a coffee table in the entrance lounge, not far from where we've been sat. Fox sidles up and awards Jay with a kiss on the cheek and a "goodnight," causing my eyebrows to attempt to backflip.
Jay holds up one palm to placate me, whilst pointing the other hand to Badger and Stoat because we should see what we're looking at. Jay's right.
As we approach, Badger asks if we're familiar with the term "backlash", and whilst Jay is clueless, making me jealous, I respond yes of course.
"Someone's filmed it and uploaded the bit where we invite you out… they're accusing us of faking it. Saying that there's no such thing as love in an evil, poisoned world like this." He looks genuinely upset, and I want to hug him, but stand firm just for a moment.
"We didn't use you, we only wanted to help, I promise," he says, close to tears.
"Well," Stoat begins, prompting his brother to continue.
"Well, we did get some advice it might be good marketing, but we didn't use you!" Badger says, bawling now.
"We're not idiots, Badger, we know that," Both Jay and I tell him, but it's nice to see how much he cares too.
"We'll have to talk a bit about this backlash in the morning Jay, Robin, if that's ok?" Stoat says, whilst Badger storms off, slamming doors behind him.
"He's the older brother but…"
"Yes Stoat, we'll talk in the morning," I tell him, leading Jay back to the bedroom I call 'Our' bedroom once again.