When the group friend got bigger, she started to look smaller, until she remained unseen.
She didn't want all the attention, but she wanted to get shown some respect, you can't just treat someone as nothing and expect them to be happy about it.
At first, she thought she was happy about her social life, she spent most of her time with them, they were a lot of people and were "very close" to her, I mean she thought she won the "having the best friends" award.
But when she was there she was barely noticeable, I mean some laughs here and there but that was all of it, there's not a lot to remember about that time, she was numb emotionally and physically.
Then something happened, something big happened, and that was all she could think about; a whole month of butterflies, fast heartbeats, and condensed emotions.
Nothing was bothering her at that time, she didn't care about how they were treating her anymore she just continued living with it as if it were nothing, she almost ignored their existence.
She was concerned about bigger things, she started questioning herself. Who was she? What was her purpose in life? What does she enjoy? Who was she living for?
A big new door got opened for her, she entered not knowing if that was the right decision but she knew she liked how things were going.
She was so confused though, she felt happy but she was afraid of the consequences.
At that time, she became more insecure and more of a pushover, she thought that other people knew better than her so she should just shut the fuck up and listen carefully and do what had to be done.
The butterflies' days were over, she wanted to stay in her room alone, she cried and slept a lot those days, she hated herself, and she knew she wasn't enough.
She was so attached to what she lived, but she started to get used to the fact that it wasn't going to happen no matter what she did, she still felt bad for herself that she had to live that as her first experience.
She needed a big hug, but no one knew what she was living with.
She started to write again that was her way to escape the dark reality.