On a dark moonless evening where the sun had just parted with its last rays of sunshine leaving the world veiled in darkness changing from the red afterglow of the setting sun.

In a deserted small road that was 2 meters wide, barely allowing a single car to pass through, where the road itself was rough gray which seemed to not even allow light to reflect masking the road itself with the night.

The road was straight as far as the eye could see in the deep darkness which was only broken by a lighter burning followed by a cigarette.

Click!

Psss!

Burn!

The light of the cigarette accompanied by the pained grunts of a man on the road were the only signs of life on this abyss like lifeless road which was marred by fallen leaves on the sides becoming somewhat visible due to the light that now existed on the road.

"Urh…just 1 more…then I'll leave..." groaned the man in pain whilst holding his forehead with his left hand.

A burning cigarette was held between the index and middle finger of his other hand but what escaped one's eye in this crescendo of darkness was that the man seemed to have no intention of smoking the cigarette or bringing it anywhere near his mouth and just burned it away blowing the smoke produced in the environment.

...

...

...

After finishing burning away a total of 12 cigarettes, he continued his journey to the place that reminds him of eternal longing, of yearning, of his pain, yet he walks the same path he has been traversing to reach there.

Finally, after walking while groaning in pain and stumbling with constant breaks to ease the pain for what seemed like a long time to be just 30 minutes, the man reached an abandoned house which looked no less than one from some typical horror movie.

While the other houses on the street teemed with life, this one was cold, desolate and devoid of life. It appeared derelict as if untended for a long time, the overgrown grass alongside the rocky pavement bore witness to the abandonment of the house.

As he was about to open the door to enter the house, the familiar sight of the gray picket fence and the white front door hit him with a wave of nostalgia reminding him of the times he visited her house and her words echoed in his mind just as he opened the door and took his first step inside the house.

"This is the only one I could get that fulfilled most of our requirements…" Her sweet voice abruptly cut off as he got a slight headache but he soon calmed down and continued moving inside the house which seemed to give him a sense of nostalgia with every step taken.

What seemed like pain to the man just before seemed like nothing in front of his aching heart as his reminiscence down the memory lane brought back every memory he wanted to forget yet wanted to keep hidden in his heart forever.

The inside of the house was a complete contrast to the outside as it was well-kempt and dust free yet it was dark as the man was yet to turn on any lights.

He put down his bag from his shoulders and walked to the bedroom at the end of the floor where there was but only a bed and a portrait of his only lover in this life. In less than 2 hours it'd be 5 years since the day she died.

"My love...I wish I could meet you again...No it won't be enough...I wish I could start over..." spoke the man with yearning in his voice as he looked at the portrait. His gaze seemed to contain regret, pain, grief, helplessness, love, yearning, longing, lifelessness and many other complex emotions that can neither be explained nor depicted but only felt.

Till the clock was 5 minutes to midnight, the man was rambling on and on about his reminiscence of the past 15 years— 'From when he met her for the first time when they were 17 in their college'

'To becoming friends in the next few months'

'To their first fight over things that seem much too trivial now'

'Confessing and proposing her after 7 years at 24, only to get rejected'

'Ignoring her post that for nearly a year to finally listening to her reason and accepting his idiocy'

'Finally accepting everything and asking her out again to convincing her and finally her accepting at 25'

'Wanting to marry her despite knowing her condition only to silence every time he asked her to just accepting it as her choice'

'Spending whatever time they had left with each other to their best till seeing her eventual death in just 2 years' — all the whilst showing a mix of complicated emotions with tears trickling down his cheeks with a pained countenance.

Normally, he would have stopped to take a breath or wipe his tears but for the first time today, the man let it flow without a care and his trickling tears flowed from his black eyes with a shade of brown down his sunken cheeks down his trembling jaw finally falling to the ground without making any sound despite the silence which was broken as the man continued with his monologue.

And for the first time he spoke about things after that; after her death :— 'From being forced into dates to get married and settle down to just rejecting them as long as possible then meeting them and convincing them to reject him'

'To realising that his actions cause a few of these girls irrecoverable mental scars and doing what he thought was right only to get caught in a mental dilemma'

'About how he went against his ethics and morals to punish scum of society to justify his unspeakable actions'

'About when he got mentally ill after that and realising what he'd done was wrong even if he believes it was better than sitting around doing nothing'

'About his nightmares, about his medical condition and how he'll die in a few days/months at best'

'Finally, his falling out with his family as he didn't want to bother them with his death as well as explain why he doesn't want to marry anyone'

'Lastly, his overdose of painkillers, medicinal drugs, and his lack of sleep and the fact that this may be the last time he comes here...'——

But at 11:55, he stopped talking seemingly finished but did he really? How could one speak of the events of around 15 years in less than 2 hours even?

The man didn't seem to mind though and took out syringes as well as pain killers from his bag and started injecting them and eating the pills yet the pain didn't seem to wane as if accustomed to them all. 

In the end, he too was nearing death and he didn't know that this visit would not only be his last but as well as the place where he shall enter eternal rest or so it was supposed to be.

After feeling no change in his pain, he went to his last resort and ended up injecting anesthesia into his spine while lying on the bed for the last time without even wiping any tears or the mess he created.

For he too longed for a painless sleep ever since this unknown mental pain that seemed more like torture instead started assaulting him due to his past and medical condition of his brain slowly but surely failing.

It was 12:00 midnight as the man injected anesthesia but it was unknown if it was coincidental or intentional as that was the time when the date changed to the date of her death.

He thought he'll wake up to face the day again or maybe not but after waking up in unfamiliar surroundings, his first words were "Shit! I survived!? But… where am I??"