Regrets or guilt: Glimpses of toxicity

First and foremost, I genuinely love my ex. Kahit one sided love lang yun, naging rebound lang ako and I am still waiting for her to heal. 

Elly was known as one of the smartest junior student in our campus, (HIGHEST HONOR). Im really proud of that sh8, I mean, of her! Na typo sorry*

Elly Bernardo possesses a graceful smile, smooth, straight hair that cascades down her back, beautiful long eyelashes, and exudes an air of innocence and conservatism. Charrr. Effort yarn baka kasi ma insecure ulit.

Tooooooot.....

Suddenly, naging kami kahit di pa sya naka move on sa ex nya. Weeks pa nga lang nag cheat na sya sakin, Barkada nya palaging kasama sa rides, pinag aawayan pa nga sya ng crush nya at sa pinsan nyang may gusto sakanya. But i still don't mind those lil things. Well, it's one sided! After a months may iba na namang ka chat, pamangkin ng ninang nya, idk if may ngyari na nila noon but yung convo nila halatang may pinag dadaanan like (gawin natin ulit yun ha, bitin kasi yung last time) then let's skip to the good part!

She fell in love with me and entrusted me with her feelings. Her father had requested, "Wait until she reaches 18," and I had made a commitment to honor his wish. Then one day, I was just doing cuddles and she can't just hold herself, she really wants to do it na!  She's 16 that time. (Cut)

I really asked myself back then, "Am I really her first?" Wawix nag overthink nako that time, it's okay if there's someone na nakauna, but she really wants me to believe that I was her first! no bleed.

Me thinking; is it Ris? Sir? Or idk tooooooot. Censored!!!! 

Then after a year of making happy memories, she still can't forget her last ex it was Sir that time! Nalaman ko na may contact pa sila, then they've met a lot sa simbahan "legion" daw or youth meeting. Hihi wala lang... i trust her! Nasa simbahan naman sila! But hihi :) di ko sasabihin. Chrot!!! 

I chat my ex from maasin, and I asked her an advice. " Pano mo nakya yong time na ikaw yung nag habol sakin, kahit bata pa tayo no'n pero umabot ng 4 years gusto mo parin ako, how did you handle that cz it's kinda...I'm in that state right now!"

Then she replied "If you really loved that person, gawin mo lahat ng makakaya mo. And Hanz don't u ever forget that, when you hurt yourself w this kind of love, then letting go is also an option." -drey

After that I screenshot that message and deleted our conversation....

She saw the screenshot photo and doesn't even looked at it and she said, I cheated! Huhu di na ako nakapag explain. After that, she contacted her ex again and idk what they were doing. 

Napagod na ako sa kakahabol, bulsh8 me! 

Halos araw-araw na akong pumupunta sa bahay nila, ginagawa ko na halos lahat ng sinasabi nya. UPDATE, ASSURANCE, TIME, EVEN SA PAG C-CR, SA PAG TULOG DAPAT VC. Tanga me! "sira na cp ko, minsan na lang ako makapag online, di rin afford pa ang new phone" ....- Here use my phone bibili ako bago. Wowix!! Mayaman?

"No useless wala naman ako internet dun okay lang naman bisitahin kita palagi." Binigyan ako ni Benz ng wifi para sa online class ko, 50 lang afford na load eh. Di kaya pang vc magdamag... kaya bumili nanaman sya ng smart bro SIM card 1000.00 yun, 599 load every month, para no excuse ang "UBOS NA DATA, NO INTERNET AKO, NO CP AKO" provide na nya lahat generator nalang ata kulang. Sugar mommy ko ata to! Nag papasalamat naman ako kahit di ko gusto. Kayo ba naman bantay sarado sasaya ba buhay mo? 

Iwan na barkada mo may mga babae kang barkada, sh8 7yrs ko na silang kasama. Pero di pumalag shempreee HAHAHA! Uunahin ko yung 1yr na mahal ko bruhhh. 

Idk if this sh8s deserved us. 

Well, lets talk about her libido level. Like she wants to do it EVERYTIME, EVERYWHERE... 

Well issues namin is totoo po yun lahat. 

Opo ISTRUEE! Ohaha

Rock formation isue, kamagong issue two times, napantao issue, totoo po lahat yun. 

She cant hold herself idk dafak, she even have a sex list in her note app. (Message me if you want to see hihi.) I think we're almost in 400 times in 2 yrs di payan kasali kung ilang rounds. Everynight gusto nya mag vidcalls kami then jerk off. Di ko na napapansin na hawa na ako. Chroot haha! 

Let's talk about school life sh8s. 

Btw behind na ako with my batchmates. 

Coz I decided to enrolled in SJC maasin. 

Kasi di ko natapos yung interview sa SLSU MAIN CAMPUS dahil sa pandemic.

Then she can't sleep na after ako nag enroll.

- what if magkikita kayo ni Drey (my ex in maasin) sa ibang school kana lang mag enroll 

But enrolled na ako dafuk, but malakas si ategirl sakin eh. Nag stop ako ng college para walang hiwalayang magaganap. Wawix! 

I don't really mind that, isa pa pandemic naman. So yun, walang pasok, almost everyday ako pinapapunta sakanila, she misses me a lot kasi uwuu. 

"My father was a policeman!" Back then. HAHAHA. After nya mag retired due to mahina na katawan nya. He focuses on gardening, mahal nya yun eh. Palagi ko sya ina-assest kasi mahina na pero gusto nya talaga mag gardening. Medyo malawak naman kahit kami lang nag ttrabaho, so literally busy ako that time kahit nag stop ako ng pag aaral. Need kasi everyday na pag aalaga yung mga halaman, but huhu don't forgot our other halaman na kaylangang diligan araw-araw. 

So gardening in the morning, water her in the afternoon ang jerking off in the evening. 

Sa away nanaman tayo mag uusap. 

Sa totoo lang free na free si ex noon sakin, rides with friends, gala inom with friends, bili dito, bili doon i don't really care what she's doing. Untill ginawa ko rin sa buhay ko, inomang pampamilya di pwedi, inomang barkada di pwedi, inoman ng di ko kakilala di pwedi. Unfair treatment! Charrr. 

So inapply ko sakanya. 

Im not really saying that wag mo gawin yan ganyan ganyan. Sinabi ko lang naman na! 

"If di mo gustong gawin ko, wag mo rin gawin" 

Engishin ko try "If you don't want me to do that shyts, then please don't do it either." Ohh diba english yarn. Mga judgemental kasi kayo teh, bubu lang yung writer! 

So ayon na nga toxic life started! 

Part 2? 

Should I add bed scenes next chapter?