Hurt
Only love can hurt like this
__
'I told him I could not adjust much. I have done with him and with all the things. Though it was each separate feedback, though it was all caring stuff, or it was the surroundings, and it was our different criteria. All in one, mixed together to eat my brain up. It sounds crazy but I'm done with him. Especially with the different thinking. No one can consider a thing up to down for four years. Just no more. I'm- I'm done...'
He only puts his phone down on his table. Didn't cut the line. He was hearing those feedback. Hasn't stopped yelling. Feeling the pain eating him from inside. Couldn't stop those tears from falling through his cheeks. Sighs. Is that for all he has been waiting for since 2020?
| I'd tell myself you don't mean a thing. And what we got, got no hold on me|
__________________________
'Finch, I know you won't listen to mine. But give him some space. At least, he will understand. It's not a joke he is leaving you. And-and we all face problems in married life, right? Don't you think it's normal? Don't let the ship sink. Please.'
Finch remains steady. Looking down. He didn't react or say any words.
'At least for me. You consider each of his things. Each of his desires. His belongings. His choices. It isn't bothering you, I know. Just let him realise. Just let him feel you the way you did all the time to feel him. Just try to talk with him.'
Still got no special feedback. Only scoffs.
'Hey. I'm not joking. It is true. Sometimes life fucked us up. That doesn't mean you're giving it all up so easily. Okay, it's not that easy to hold it for 4 years. But I'm sure about Smith's turn back on you. And listen to mine. Just you can't. You can't give it up.'
Finch finally looks on Richardson's eyes. As Richardson can clearly see his eyes reflecting his pain. He is strongly holding it on his jaw. The cheekbone shows its strength of saving the struggle. He can't hold his eyes anymore. He was only thinking one line- was he the only guy who wanted them together till death?
Finch settles his hand on the table up to Richardson's.
'Promise me one thing. You're not gonna cry.'
He simply says like nothing happened. He stood up and left. Left the place. Heading to his house. Some last words for someone. And he can't stay there with him for longer. He wouldn't hear the things he couldn't do further.
| But when you're not there, I just crumble. I tell myself that I don't care that much |
Consideration? Only the word could change one and oneself. Can break a solid stone. Maybe it sounds positive. Considering each thing is a way to settle one relationship. But when it comes to demand. When it comes to priority. Each barrier creates what consideration was blocking. No, you can't consider one more time. It is a risky thing. You can only apply it once. Then, if it settles, it remains settled. But if not, you have to move away. From another's path. From another's priority. It's THAT easy. That much.
Smith and Finch got married in 2020. They spent a life together for four straight years. No pain. No problems. No feedback. Nothing was between them. When they feel nothing was everything as a reason, their four year belief broke like a glass fall from high. No one can fix it like before. Then how could they? The reason always was between them. Hiding. They couldn't see its importancy. It was a word consideration. Easy to listen. But little things make big changes. They only let the thing get bigger. They now have the results on their hand. With a singed divorce paper.
|But I feel like I'd die till I feel your touch. Only love can hurt like this.|
He finally decides to move himself away. He doesn't know. Only he had had enough with all those unfixing things. Still got no solution for four months. He knows it will be remaining forever if he doesn't turn back. Maybe he will get stuck in other professional matters. But the sort things are making him distracted, and he will obviously keep it off. Keep all the things away from his zone. Whether it's personal or what he feels comfortable about. Only getting a sufficient space would turn him down to live better than before. He is making a decision.
/Say I wouldn't care if you walked away|
"I know you survived so much, sweetheart. And it is all okay with me. Some things we learnt together. Of course, we are getting it. But separately. You deserved to be happy. I believe you will someday wave a hand to me. And yeah, we can remain connected. All the time, love doesn't matter to hold a relationship. A-and of course I-I would put the things on the table for you. I have already moved my stuff and things from your room..."
Finch doesn't know why he is feeling cry. He was rude. Angry from inside last night. He was ready to tell his last words to Smith. But he didn't expect the tears to tear him apart. He lets it go. Suppressed all the emotion under his throat. Cleared his tone. It is not the perfect time to cry either.
|But everytime you're there, I'm begging you to stay|
Smith didn't react. Only looking at him. Then he slides his eyes beside Finch. His phone was ringing on the table. He goes toward Finch to pick it up. Finch doesn't know why he extends his two hands a little bit. Smith didn't pick up the phone call. He switched it off and came back to his previous place. Didn't notice Finch's movement.
| When you come close, I just tremble|
Maybe he's done here. Finch is ready to leave their beloved house. Maybe each of his steps will leave a mark on each distance. He picks his keys from the side table on the dressing room. He holds his face up and sees the glorious picture of Finch on the wall. It was printed on granite tiles. 6 different tiles are adjusted on the wall to reflect Finch's image. Smith did it last year. Finch gradually smiles and fetches his other stuff from the dressing room. He walks straight downstairs. Left Smith alone on his room. It will be now His. Forever. Finch didn't look back to their house. The memories. The time. Tear is falling apart from his cheeks. He couldn't hold that much. He faced trouble while talking with him. He was okay when he talked with Richardson. He thought he would be fine. But all in the last, it's him. Himself.
|And everytime, everytime you go, it's like a knife that cuts right through my soul|
Smith picked the phone up. It was from Richardson. Who asked him not to move away. Smith didn't listen. "Fine. I am done now-" "Listen, Smith. You should try to adjust with him. Right?" Richardson says. "I told him I could not adjust much. I have done..." Smith went like that as Richardson put his phone down. Out of his hand.
|But it's the sweetest pain
Burning hot through my veins
Love is torture, makes me more sure
Only love can hurt like this|
.....