Voice
Mind doesn't speak
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'It's Feb. Mah bday month, ya know? Only a few people know about the intentions you saved in your mind. Am one of 'em. The good news is, I told him 'bout yah. He didn't react. I was mentioning it as GOOD cz it is actually a good news. Huh! Kiddin'. He got uncomfortable after hearing your name. Which is a sign of feelin'. Coming in your way, be ready. It would be a bullet tearing your chest. It would be a bullet tearing your faith.'
"You weren't there, were you?" Jamie Smith asking Olie Pope, who just came here for showing off things. "Yeah. I mean, I was there. And I was watching it from back and when I saw you looking at me like a monkey asking for bananas, I started shaking my legs." He saw Smith clenched his eyebrows and looked at him narrowly. "You didn't shake things off. And I am sure you were with him too. I see how a banana-giver is making drama. Don't you think you should have joined industries?" Jamie Smith was about to leave. "Oh, oh. Yeah, I liked dramas." "Wait-" Smith cuts him off, "-Not for dramas. For serving the celebrities water and food." He left the place, making Pope ashamed and shocked. Maybe he didn't like the way he was talking. But Pope exhales, again for another time, God saved him.
The Hundred 2023 is running on the way. Great players got great teams. Though Southern Brave is a way too far to reach. But James Anderson chose his team. It was Oval Invincible. He was sure about the trophy. However, with all the battles around, all the players changing teams and all the opponents winning to secure final, there was another thing suppressed under hesitation. Under the uncertainty, what never showed the bravery rising its voice to speak. 'Maybe after Hundred, maybe before World Cup, no-no before big bash. After big bash.' Some unpredictable future sometimes becomes a burden for even breathing. Sometimes, hesitations reveal anxiety and torment for taking a step, reflected the waste of time. He never asked for anything. He wished he never wanted to.
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"Are you gonna tell me about him or not?" Paul Walter is asking Kane Richardson. "What would I tell you? You have friends like Top-" "Will you or not?" His voice raised. Richardson laughs out. He leaned off from the chair and crossed his arms over the table. "About what?" He used the British accent for rising the temper a bit more. Walter ignored cause he knows if he shouts he lost. "Does he have any relationships?" He asks warmly. "Relationships?" He repeats, got confused for 's'. "Hah! I don't know about his nature. He CAN be like this." "In your dreams. I'm leaving." Richardson was about to leave. "Okay, I'm sorry. It was just a fault-" "Sad it was. And that's why I don't like talking with you, Walter. You always do these kinds of shitty things. You know better than me. I know it's too silly to even shout. But let me tell you one thing, you might know he doesn't belong with me. But you have come to me for a kinda help what I was about to give you. And now I don't think you deserve a piece of it. Now the Hundred has ended. And obviously, you don't know where he lives so that you can get there and talk about the fucking things you're talking infront of me. For Lord's sake, he will never accept you. And you can't be the one he needs. And I'm promising you, I will never let that happen, too." He left in a rush. Left Walter on his fullstop. Maybe be would never write after it. Maybe he will have to tear the empty pages off.
He wasn't so happy when he got chance in Brisbane Heat for BBL 2023-24. He inhales sufficient air so that he can exhale it on February. He knows he hasn't felt short with all the abilities he has for becoming a need for anyone. But having all with his silly mistakes, he feels everything has become his shortages. He can't tackle his own barriers. Nor he can show, he realised in every way a person should. He lost hope after losing his capabilities. He just prayed before flying into Australia, days later he will laugh over his feelings and Jamie Smith will only exist on his mind. Amen.
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Flashback,
While playing Hundred, Paul Walter had a crush on Jamie Smith. While practicing in nets he just looked at him and paused. The world was just stopped rotating. Its gravity lost. He told it to his friends and Olie Pope was one of them who tried to impress Jamie Smith first. He followed him from dressing room to parking yard and home. Once Smith was talking with his brother after his business got promoted, just for some cheer-ups. And Pope thought it was his boyfriend. The next time, he came with his cousin, who owned the restaurant. As he saw him again. That was the reason why Walter putted an extra 's.' Pope lost for two times. For shouting on Walter, he got kicked out from the restaurant and that was the time when Smith saw him with Walter. Walter acting like, he doesn't know him. But Jamie Smith saw when they came the first time, too. Since then Walter didn't tell anything to Pope. He appreciates too that Pope creats unnecessary dramas.
Got the text from Kane Richardson. He knows him very well. Temper on head, deep care on mind. Like his brother, Eiden Avert. He smiled and text sorry again. He didn't reply just reacted like. A few hours later, he mailed the address and time. He rushed to be well-dressed.
The hesitations again comes. He only stopped in- ahm, yeah, maybe, huh etc. That's not a new thing. Jamie Smith is looking at him. Stranged, maybe he didn't know why Richardson told him to come here. Or maybe he can't match it with present. After eating their dinner, the conversation passed with knowing each-others. Likes, dislikes, favourite things, idols, cricket and Netflix. Jamie Smith wanted to leave ASAP. He was bored with him. "Can I leave soon?" He asks without hesitation. As Walter paused. He hasn't told even a single letter for what he has come, today. "Can you stay?" He doesn't know from where the the line comes. "Yes. But do you have anything to do?" He asks. "Y-yes." "Alright." Walter's lung finds its normal pace. Minutes later, Smith asks again, "What is it?" And Walter cannot imagine they remained silent. He just hold some breaths on his throat and thinks, 'You have to say it loud. So loud what would make him think the sky is not the limit. Walter, we have one life, only one. We cannot read minds to make us sure, what someone feels for us. We have to show the feelings. Mind can't speak. And that's why we have voice. You have to express it and that's why we have reactions. You understand? If he rejects you today, it wouldn't be a fault you made. It would be a lesson for finding the shortages. Okay?'
Opens his eyes, watching Smith looking at him with million questions floting on his face. Walter extends his hand and holds his. Smith didn't say anything. "I love you." He finally told him. Jamie Smith wasn't shocked. Walter continues, "Thing was making its own way to reach to you. I didn't know, nor did I make sense. I assumed how it turned back on me and asked me to take a step ahead of my fear. I realised there's one life and I have to tell it out loud. Because mind doesn't speak." He paused and see some tears on Smith's eyes. He didn't know the reason, nor asked. "I love you since 2023. Just didn't find a way to tell. I tried but failed. Maybe one goddess told me and gave me the faith with his magical words and here I am telling you everything like I never lost. You know him. Richie, the faith-giver. Like, yeah I told Pope, your friend about it cause he was the one who showed the unnecessary help. He is your friend and it was too strange to see him losing after me. Disgusting. But yeah, sorry for every inconveniences. And Walter loves you." He finished as Smith smiled. He stands up and hugs Jamie Smith. He felt like dream. He just widened his eyes and stopped his eyesight to the direction one fairy was sitting, showing thumb finger and wiped his tears. As Walter says thank you hushly. Hugs Smith tightly while remembering, life is one. Love is one.
......