Her eyes didn't blink, ever watchful of her daughter. They were weak and dry like sandpaper, all from the worry that she'd miss something if she blinked. A machine beeped erratically in the corner of the room. The nightmare still had a tight hold on her mind and body. Even in the depths of the coma, it was still obvious.
Her gaze fell to the limp hand that she squeezed gently. The contrast of their skin still made her breath hitch, hers a light bronze with a subtle sagging that came with age, Zahra's an ashen grey over soft, youthful skin.
That's not right. Her lip trembled again.
She'd give anything to trade places with her. For her to be the one laid on the bed, and Zahra to hold her ashen hand. Thousands of injustices invaded her thoughts, it was all she could do to calm the thoughts racing through her mind. She would never want Zahra to feel even a fraction of how she felt right now.
Then Zahra's body tensed and there was no release.
Her eyes darted around her body. Every muscle tensed with stress and soon began twitching with cramps.
No, her hands flew to her mouth.
Reaching a quivering hand to hers, she spoke through soft sobs. "Zahra, It's me, I'm here. If you can hear my voice, I want you to know I'm sorry," with shuddered breaths words started to fall out of her mouth. Words she had been longing to say for some time. "I can't imagine what nightmares you're facing now, what obstacles you faced back when you were growing up without me," something caught in her throat as she continued. "I-I'm sorry for leaving you when you were so young. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, Zahra."
Tears fell easily down her face. She understood this feeling and remembered it all too well. Despite the lifetimes she had lived, feeling your body being ripped apart was something that stuck with you. Many times she had felt it and at this stage, when your body was pushed to the limits of its endurance, it was so easy to give up, too easy to let it just slip away. And she had, more times than she cared to admit. When it was here, she had nothing to help her, no one waiting for her on the other side, until the time came when Zahra returned, and she lived each existance in wonder. Would this be the lifetime she would get her daughter back?
All she could do was hope. Hope that her words broke through. That some medical journals she had read on her phone since she had heard the news were right when they said that coma patients could hear you. Yes, she had been her own for all that time, but Zahra wasn't and she made sure of it.
"Please. I hope you believe me and that you understand when I say that the decision to leave you and your father, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Th- They asked me if I would protect you. If I would bend the rules of time and endure lifetimes of pain and suffering… for you. In the end, it was also the easiest choice I've ever had to make."
She reached and stroked the delicate skin of her face, her face now swollen from tears. "You are my baby girl, Zahra, and I will withstand whatever life can throw at me if it means you are okay. I love you, sweetie. Throughout every age, I've loved you, and when you wake up, I promise I will answer any questions you have for me. Just… please, come back to me."
There was no answer to her plea as Zahra's body stayed tensed, she had the feeling that if her coma allowed it, there would be an unbearable scrunch of pain on her face.
My darling, what horrors could your mind be showing you… Mrs Goodtree brushed the hair from her eyes.
****
Zahra clutched the letter in her hand and crumbled down the wall. She couldn't stifle her wailing or the pounding of her mind.
He had written this letter, knowing he was going to die. This letter told her everything, things he wanted to tell her but couldn't, not because he was burdened to secrecy, but because she never believed him when he told her. In his letter, he apologised for being her shackle. Her love and loyalty to him had her caged. All this time he wanted her to be Champion not because he wanted to increase his influence or power, not because he loved the Pharaoh more than her and wanted his greatest weapon to protect him. He knew a great evil was coming and had known it for some time, he had also known that he would need to lay down his own life to make sure all that he loved survived.
Her father begged her to be the Pharaoh's Champion to save her. So she would live in this palace and want for nothing. So she would be able to do something she loved, make new friends and broaden her horizons, without him. So that she would be taken care of when he was gone.
Always do what is right, what you have always done, those were his final words to her.
Through the ripples of her tear-filled eyes, she saw the discreet door connecting her room, to his. A safety measure in case there was an emergency during the night.
Would he be there? She found herself wondering.
Her chest ached with sorrow at the grief of her father's death, and her cruel remarks to him. At the time she meant those words, with every fibre of her being.
All that was before she had found his letter. Even now, from beyond the grave, he helped to keep her hot-headedness at bay.
But he's gone now.
All is lost.
Hope is gone.
The sounds of her feet slapping the ground were all she could hear. Now, she knew one thing; she needed to listen to her father and do the right thing. Her chest shuddered as she reached the door and tried to breathe through the anxiety. With every ounce of strength she could summon to steady herself, the door opened under her weight.
The Pharaoh stood watching the sky, deep in thought. She knew from the way he clasped his hands over his arms that he was frowning from concentration, rather than anger. Her eyes fell to his feet and dragged up the strong lines of his calves before they disappeared into his royal robes, up and up, until they reached a bicep that bulged from his pose. He had been keeping up with the exercises she realised, as a stray tear tumbled, she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it before.
As soon as she crossed the threshold into his chambers, his body froze before he whipped his head to her.
That gaze, his watchful and cunning gaze always made her tremble. For a moment, she dropped her head, he must be angry at her, it killed her to think that. Thinking of her father's words she took a few cautious steps.
He stilled even more like a predator sensing their prey coming ever so close.
Her feet stopped deciding she was close enough, her arms went limp and her father's letter, still clutched in her hands, brushed soothingly against her.
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, taking some rapid breaths in anticipation of the resentment he would undoubtedly unleash on her.
She needed to say that first, and know that he heard it.
It wasn't clear who closed that last few feet between them, it didn't matter. All she knew was that the Pharaoh now held her in his arms, squeezing her tight like she would slip through his hands if he loosened. Her arms wrapped around his neck, gentle and remorseful.
He continued to cling to her like they'd been reunited after too much time apart, the warmth of his millennium puzzle spread through to her chest.
"I didn't mean those things I said to you."
"I'm so glad to hear you say that."
"I don't know what I'm going to do without him."
"You're not alone, I feel the same way too."
"This isn't new to me, I've seen darkness before when mother died… but nothing like this. This is cold and empty. Everything… My life before, what I've always known... it's gone. I feel so numb," silent tears slipped down her cheeks. "I've always been strong enough to lift anything from me; men the size of boulders. But I- I don't think I'm strong enough to lift this."
He lowered one arm and pulled her in, her whole body was pressed up against him so much they could blend into one.
"I had always believed that I would meet her again, in the afterlife, but father… he's gone to a place I cannot find."
"I'm sorry it happened this way. Know that I am here, whenever you need me." She nuzzled further into the nook of his neck, desperate to find comfort from the chaos of her mind. He squeezed her just a little bit tighter in response. "I see you, Zahra. I see all the pain you're feeling right now and I will do anything in my power to help."
His clothes tightened as she gripped them in her fists, if she spoke, she knew she would crumble like old pastry. And she still needed to protect him.
Not just for her, or for him, but for her father.