I tried to avoid Gray for a few days. I can't handle every day's quarrel with him. My new project needs my concentration, and I can't stress out on his matter not for the time being. I never thought that to reduce my stress, I would once again divert my attention to Mateo. Yes, after meeting at the party, calling and chatting were more common, which included hooking up too. I didn't share this with Gray; I don't think I needed to. The way it was going was good, and I don't want to make it more complicated by sharing.
Mateo was smitten by me. Yeah, anyone who would come to my contact ends up getting too attached. God knows why. When I clear my intention with them. After having sex, when we were lying in bed, he would always ask me why I was not in a relationship. Why not give it a try with someone? That someone's means him. Like hell, I would with anyone. I am happy the way I am, and it's fucking peaceful.
I never answered his question; always, I would try to change the topic. I don't think I need to share with him or with anyone else. Why am I not in any relationships? Because of my dad and Thomas. I feel dread at the word attachment. My dad, after the accident, completely changed. He decided to give up on us and try to commit suicide when the doctor confirmed my mom's condition. He was devastated, which could be understood, but giving up on his own children was fair to us. His attachment to my mom made him take such a decision. He didn't move on with any other women; he didn't at least try with any. According to me, the way he was leading his life had no meaning. Attachment definitely kills. Thomas was also in the same situation; after his wife's death, he didn't move on. Both are stuck where they are and leading a fucking pathetic life in their wives' memories. God, if I thought of these idiots, my blood would boil at any time. Can't they fucking take a break, accept the facts, and move on? It's not easy; I get it, but they are making it even more difficult by being this way. I'd rather be this way than with someone else. I like the way I am leading my life. No regrets. No worries.
In this course of action, I never thought I would once again give in to Ed. Damn, he ended up seducing me, and I lost my control, which I had never lost before. These days, a few things are out of control.
After finishing the work, I was sitting near the window, watching the sky. I was stressed once again. I was trying my best not to let stress overtake me and make me end up in bed. I don't want to be fucking fragile. Constantly fighting with that bastard and putting pressure on my brain, where could the hell possibly lead me? I am getting his concerns, but if I don't know what I want to become or my goal, is it my bloody mistake? How the hell anyone would decide about this thing was beyond me. I started googling too, but nothing was helpful. I am not interested in anything. I don't like my present job either, but I am working for sake and timepass. I am really not interested in restaurants. Again, this question is about what I want to become in my life. What about my future? What about my career? Do I really want to end up as a waiter? I was fucking 27 when I was going to find out. This constant pressure from Josh is pissing me off, and I end up getting annoyed.
Fucking those parties, petty showing eyes, fucking trying to dig out about my past and my father—a hell of a lot of irritation. Why the heck will he fucking understand these things? Why the hell would anyone understand? It was my fucking problem, and I had to deal with it, but how?
David took his place in front of me by placing the cake and, with a questioning gaze. I started having the same thing—one bite, two bites—and it felt tasteless. "What happened?" My gaze fell on David, and I felt pathetic enough to say anything. "How do you decide that you want to run a restaurant? At what age?" "I think when I was 12. I love cooking, as you know, and I like to hear praises, so yeah, the rest is history." "Hmmm. That's good." "What happened?" "I am feeling shame. You know I am 27 and got a degree in business from one of the best colleges. I never wanted to become a CEO or do anything related to business. I don't like what I am doing either. I had been questioned so many times about my goals, ambitions, what I wanted to become, and what I was interested in. Till now, I have not been able to find any answer, and I am not sure why. Everyone has some dreams; why not me? I don't have any. This is not good, right? My life is goalless." "Why are you stressed out? That's not the end of the world. You will find it someday, and you are just 27. You have enough time to discover your answer." I nodded my head. This was something I wanted to hear from someone, especially from Joshua. Rather, he was pushing me to think more once again, resulting in stress. I felt at ease, but not completely. Still, I felt pathetic about not knowing what I wanted to become in the coming days. Yes, it was not the end of the world, but my friends of the same age were way ahead of me. "Gray, give a break, will you? When the right time comes, you will get your answer. Don't think too much." I nodded my head but was not convinced. "Get going; it's getting late." "Ok." With that, I made my way to where the car was parked.
There was something off between me and Joshua. He was not coming to the mansion; if he did, it would be late at night, and the next day was nowhere to be found. I could only think because of our constant quarrel. He always reeked of alcohol and continuous parties, and considering his history, I could point out so many other reasons. I don't want to, for my own state of mind. I am already stressing too much, and I don't want to add up things that are definitely not related to him. It was good, I guess, but I couldn't stop the ache that always passes through me.
After reaching the mansion, I was in the shower. One of my favorite places was this bathroom. It was covered with glass, and I could view everything, especially the garden and greenery, from afar. I would stay like this, watching everything for hours together. We had quarreled on this too. Nowadays, he has a problem with every act of mine, and as usual, I end the conversation by telling him to fuck off.
We were having breakfast. "Where were you?" That was my sister. When the hell will she stop poking her nose? "What do you think at work?" "You are coming late to home, and parties are too much." "For once, mind your business, and it was work-related. You are my sister; please don't act like my mom." "Right, it was work-related." There was a mischievous smile that was playing on her face, and if I was not wrong, she might have found out. I immediately saw Gray, who was busy in his own world and not giving much thought to conversation. For a few minutes, my eyes were on him. He was gulping food for sake, not really enjoying it. Was he stressing again? The answer was evident, and I was the reason behind it.
Why the hell will things get complicated between us? was beyond me. I want him to achieve something. Was that too much to ask for? We were doing okay, but now we are again pushed to start from zero. I can deal with anything or anyone, but not with this face of Gray. Every action of mine was pushing me to question myself, but I would always win by suppressing it.
Once again, I was worried about Gray and his silence. I could take his bickering, but not this silence. I tried to finish the work soon, and I was back at the mansion. When I entered the room, he was sleeping on his side. After taking the shower, I was beside him in no time. He was startled, and when he was aware it was me, he started pushing me, which was totally in vain. I hugged him tightly, and in no time we were asleep.
The next day, when I woke up, Gray was not on the bed. It was early, and I could guess where he could be. I made my way to the bathroom, and he was, as usual, watching the view. I was not getting this addiction of his. I made my way toward him and started kissing his back. He tried to get rid of me, but my grip on him was tight. "Don't think and don't stress." "Fuck off." "That's the thing I want too, but I always end up bouncing back to you. I am not getting the reason behind it." And that was the case, no bluff over here. Around him, nothing fucking makes sense. "Stop shitting me and give me some space. I need to be alone." "That's the other thing; I can't let you be alone." He was annoyed and agitated. I made him face me, and he was boiling, which only made me chuckle. "What the hell am I going to do with you?" My head was on his chest. "Giving me a fucking break and getting lost from here." Once again, I could only chuckle in response. My position was the same. "Gray, I am not expecting too much from you. I want you to be in some position. I want you to earn some status. Is it too much to ask?" "I am bloody trying." Now I was facing his face. "Try fucking harder. I have seen you at every fucking party where you would always be annoyed with a label: don't fucking approach me. Say if this was the case, how you socialize, and how the hell anyone can approach you." "If they fucking try to dig out about my past and try to show pity, should I be fucking smile at them like it was nothing?" "Ignore them. But not everyone would be the same, right? Give it a bloody chance. Socializing will help you a lot. Who knows? You may be inspired by someone, right? There is nothing wrong with trying. All I am asking is to try to open up for once. Don't get annoyed. Ignore those who try to piss you off. Try genuinely at once. Will you?"
I was more annoyed because he made sense. I couldn't face him, and I turned toward the glass, watching the garden, to calm myself. "Gray." I hate this. I hate how he gets his way around me and how I give up easily. I can't be this way forever; I need to give it a try someday. Hopefully, something will work out. "Ok." That's all I could reply to him.
I never thought he was waiting for my okay. There was a fucking party he planned, and I am over here. Bastard.
Before entering the party, I had made up my mind. I am going to try my best to socialize myself, leaving no place for annoyance and ignoring every asshole over here.
As we entered, that bastard left me and went to meet his partners. A forced smile was running through my face, and I needed to do this. This was running through my mind. My friends greeted me, and I greeted them back. They were startled, yeah; they would be when I didn't even once acknowledge them back. I tried to have a conversation for a few minutes, and that's when my patience with them reached its peak. I politely dismissed myself. Well, it was a good start, and I can do this. I tried to converse with a few known faces, and strangely, it went well. I made my way to the bar section as my throat went dry.
"Forceful smile, trying best to suppress annoyance and pouring effort to socialize, but not able to stick more than a few minutes with anyone. Well, welcome to my group. I am Jermy Mathus." By saying that, he clicked his glass to mine. I was staring at this Jermy guy, who was handsome. From when this guy was fucking observing me. Every word was fucking true.
"I was observing you for quite some time if that's what you are thinking." By nodding my head, I continued sipping my drinks. "I am Grayson." "Hey, Grayson, it looks like we both are stuck over here. From how many years have you been into this pretentiousness?" That earned a chuckle. "Today was my debut." "What?" "I was attending parties but never pretended. Today was my first day." "Ok, good to hear. I have been doing this for the past 10 years, and till now I haven't gotten used to it. Never will." In return, I nodded my head.
He was a talkative guy. We were talking about random things. He shared most about his personal and professional life in between cracking jokes. Fun to be with. Thank God he was making this party bearable. I didn't give a thought or a dam about anyone. He had involved me so much in his conversation.
After finishing a few minutes of meetings with my partners, we were back at the party. I started searching for Gray, who was near the bar section as usual, but he was not alone; that face was totally new. Ok, he was mingling well, but who was this guy? I was observing them, barely listening to whatever my friends were discussing. Gray was immersed in the conversation, totally enjoying it. I was checking the time 20 minutes had passed, and still, they were so engrossed in their little world. Without my knowledge, I was already walking toward them.
I placed the empty glass and asked for a refill with force and high pitch. That caught the attention of both of them and both were facing me. For some reason that new face was delighted to see me. "You are Joshua Miller, right?" For some reason I was annoyed, exactly I don't know why. "Yes." "I was looking forward to meeting you. I am Jermy Mathus. Please to meet you." In response, I nodded my head. "And he is." "He is with me." "Oh, you both already knew each other. Good, good." "I guess it's my clue to take a leave. Gray, it was really nice to meet you. We should catch up sometimes." "Yeah, sure." "He is busy, and I think you should get going." What the fuck was this bastard problem? "But." "Now." Joshua was giving an intimate look by gulping down; Jermy was gone.
I was facing Joshua, and that bastard was sipping his drink like nothing happened. "What was that?" "What was what? He was fucking flirting with you." "He was not. If he was, I could take care of myself. Don't fucking interfere every time." "Gray bottoms up. " What?" "You are having the wine; can you gulp it down in one go?" What the hell was I talking about, and what the hell was he saying? I was staring at him with confusion. "Can you or not?" "Why would I do that, and what the hell are you talking about?" "You mean you can't gulp down this wine? You can't handle wine in one go?" "I didn't say that." "So, you can?" "Of course." "On the count of three, One, two, and three."
I gulped the wine in one go, but I couldn't swallow the same. Joshua's hand was on my neck, holding tightly, not letting me swallow the drink. What the hell was his problem? That caught the attention of every fucking person who was present at this party. They were shocked, and their mouths were agape. The bartender was shivering. I was trying to swallow the drinks, but his pressure was higher, and I couldn't hold it anymore. The wine started to flow from my mouth but never reached the floor. A few drops were on my shirt. His hand left my neck and held my hair tightly, making me bend a little backward, and he started sucking the wine from my neck. He sucked every drop of it and reached my lips before I could come to reality. He started kissing me. That hard kiss, yet passionate, took me to some other world for a few seconds.
He made me forget everything. When I came to reality, I was flustered. This bastard PDA was increasing day by day. Why the hell did he do this in front of everyone? Everyone, including me, was still in shock and unable to digest the act. They were glued to the spot. Joshua was chuckling at my reaction, like seriously. By pushing him, I ran and walked from the party, and Joshua was following me.
We were in the car and aroused. "We could book a hotel nearby." "Fuck off. Don't talk to me. What the hell were you thinking before doing such a thing?" "I guess marking." "What fucking were you marking?" "I am not getting your situation, but I am really not able to control myself." "Hey, knock it off, ok?" He started to make various tempting gestures; every second was turning unbearable. This small trip to the mansion he was going to show hell for me.
We entered the mansion; the car was not even parked. I opened the door and started running toward the room. I hope to lock him outside for the whole of the night. But he was only one step behind me before I could do any such thing. By locking the door, he pinged me to the wall. He started kissing me. Beast mode: every now and then he will come to this mode, and I am experiencing this for the second time. Before I could even catch the air, he was inside me.