The next day, I woke up earlier than usual because I was feeling hungry. The previous night, I didn't have my dinner as my stomach was filled with my rage and anger, so there was no space for my hunger. After brushing my teeth, I made my way to the hall, and I froze on the spot. The site from the kitchen was responsible for my situation and only added to my fury, as he was shirtless and cooking.
What the hell was he doing this early in the morning? The door was locked, right? Did he leave yesterday?
"What are you doing here? How the hell did you enter?" "Good morning you too. Since yesterday, I have been staying here. I didn't leave the flat as I needed to make necessary arrangements for my stay." "What? So, you fucking prepared for moving in before head. You fucking planned everything?" "Yeah, I was confident. Nothing wrong in being optimistic right? Once I got your consent, I made every arrangement yesterday itself and I have already moved in." "Wow, you didn't waste any minutes. That was fucking fast." "Why would I?" "Right, why would you? Whatever, there are some rules, and you are following every dam one. You are fucking minding your own business; let me mind mine. You are not entering my room without fucking permission; the same applies to me. Don't bring any shit to my flat—everything you keep outside—I mean every goddam thing. And you are following every rule." "Well, I have to, as this is your flat, and I will."
By nodding my head, I made my way to the room. It's only a few minutes, and I am done for the day. How the hell was I going to face him every fucking day? Yeah, we have our own lives, but staying under the same roof and meeting would be inevitable. I should avoid him and stay away from him as much as I can. My flat, but nothing is going according to my rules. This fury has already paid its visit, and it's barely morning. I need to get ready and leave this flat.
After getting fresh, I was out of my room, and when I was at the door, he spoke. "Hey, have your breakfast; I prepared it for both of us." Did I ask him to prepare? This morning, I fucking talked about the rules. "Today morning I spoke about minding your own business, right?" And speaking about perfect timing, my stomach grumbled in response, which earned a chuckle from him. "You are starving; show anger on me, not on food, common," "Fuck off." I stormed out of the flat; I couldn't face any more humiliation from my stomach.
Holding the same anger with frustration, I started walking toward the restaurant. I didn't stop anywhere; I was walking rapidly. What got into me, God knows. After reaching the restaurant, I started catching my breath. I was completely exhausted. I took my own time to control everything that was emerging and unlock the door of the restaurant. David was earlier than usual and started giving me a questionable gaze. I didn't speak or respond, and I started doing my work. After a few minutes, David placed food in front of me, and without uttering a word, I started having it. Wow, it felt like heaven; in no minute, my plate was empty.
My mind was in a state of chaos. Recalling the incidents happening from the few days until yesterday. How the hell do things end up this way? The person I hated to my core was staying in my flat, and I need to face him every fucking now and then. How the hell was this fair when facing him reminded me of my past and every shitty thing that I had gone through? David interrupted my thought, saying that he needed my help in the kitchen.
For a few minutes, we didn't speak; he was instructing, and I was following the same. "Is everything okay, Gray?" And I don't want to find an answer to the question, which only ends up adding more fuel to my burning wrath. "Yes, I guess. Don't ask any more questions, please. I want to work in peace as much as I can. Sorry for my rudeness." "No, it's ok. I got acclimated to this not getting an answer thing, so no worries. Call me if you need anything." "Ok, thank you." "Always Gray." We presumed our work.
When we were talking about random things, Rick, who is also a cook working here, informed me that someone was asking for me. By replying to him as ok, I made my way to the dining area, and it was Edward. I was glued to my stop. He was looking more mature. My old friends, whoever I met until now, look more mature and accomplished. Every one of them had achieved something, unlike me, who was stuck pathetically. I was thrown to the lowest point, and if I didn't have a roof over me, I would end up in the street. From that lowest point, I have not achieved anything, like not even a cent percent. My achievement was only clearing the debt; other than that, it was 'zero'. It's not like I didn't try; I tried, gave up easily, and chose the route where I could make money easily. After clearing the debt, once again I tried to get a job, but only a few rejections were enough to give up on that. I easily gave up. If I didn't give up on searching for a job, if I kept trying, would I end up getting a job based on my education? Maybe not guaranteed, and now too, I don't have any intention of searching for any job in the corporate sector. I am content with the life that I am leading, which is making me stop further proceeding in my life.
I was so in my own thoughts that I totally forgot about Edward, and why the hell was he here? He was closest to me, and I had really hoped for some help from him. Everything has passed, and I don't want any fucking bastards in my life anymore. Why the heck, one by one, indulge with me again?
I approached his table and took my seat in front of Edward. In return, I got a warm smile from him, and I averted my eyes immediately. I can't drain my energy over here; I need to deal with one more bastard after reaching home, so I don't need to overflow anything. I was calming myself as much as I could.
"Hey, Gray, long time," "Yes, it is." "How are you? That was a stupid question, sorry." "Well, it was not, and I am fine." "You are not happy to see me; I am getting that." "Well, can you blame me?" "No. Please don't blame either of us, Gray. Till now, I have not been able to decide whether I did the right or wrong thing, not helping you when you reached out." "Wow, good to hear." "Gray, you have helped me a lot in the past, especially when I needed money. You didn't let anyone discover my financial problems, and you didn't disclose to anyone the amount of money you were lending me. If I consider these things somewhere, I feel like I should have helped you. But when I think about how you fell for a guy, hardly in a few minutes makes my blood boil." That made me to face him. Why the hell he was bringing Joshua. How the hell this was connected. He was my fucking friend right. "I am not getting the connection." "Of course, you wouldn't find it. If you took notice, then probably you would." Which only made me agitated. "You know, give a break to this puzzle talk and get to the point." He was thinking, after taking a long breathe, he spoke. "I liked you, Gray. I liked you very much. For three years, but you never took notice of me, not even once."
What the hell? I was shocked by this disclosure. Seriously, three years, and I didn't notice even once. He didn't propose to take notice of any fucking thing. "What the hell with this disclosure. You didn't propose to me, and you never acted strangely around me. Why the hell are you blaming me after these many years? Most important, why the hell are you telling me now?" By chuckling. "Because I didn't have any balls to propose to you because of your conservative nature and your family background. I am not blaming you, but I am confessing my feelings for you after these many years. I should have done it long ago." "Again, why now?" "I wanted to let you know my feelings, Gray. I am not proposing to you." "Wow great! Like seriously, if you had liked me, would you have given a second thought in helping me? At least you fucking didn't call, not even once." "I was angry with you, and that was enough to stop me from anything. You don't have any idea what I have gone through. I was doing everything to be in your favor, always. Yeah, on other hand you didn't notice anything, right? But every fucking thing changed just by one person's appearance. You completely changed and fell for him instantly. That only added more hatred toward you." "You are blaming me for falling for a guy? That's your fucking reason for not lending a hand." "No, that's completely your choice. But I had fallen for you, and everything was happening in front of me. As I said you don't have any idea? Seeing you with him, your make-out session, all those fucking trips, annoying pictures. Every goddam thing." "Ed, I didn't have any feelings for you. Not then, not now. And also, you didn't take any chances, so please don't blame me." "Let me clarify for you: I am not blaming you. I want you to know everything, at least now." "Why?" "I wanted you to know that I had feelings for you, I guess." "Only for this, do you bother to come over here?" "And also, I was not getting whether I did right or wrong by not helping you." "Does it really matter now? It's been fucking five years." "Yeah, I agree it doesn't matter. But Gray answer my only one question which is fucking killing me. Somehow, by finding some courage, if I had proposed to you, would you accept me? Would you come out of your dad's set boundaries for me? Would you at least try to take a risk, Gray, for me? No, let me interpret this way: Would you cross your boundaries for any other person than Joshua?"
That only made me face the window, and once again pulling me deep in my thoughts. Would I take the risk with any other guy? The answer was default; I wouldn't. I didn't take notice of Ed, and can I be blamed or held responsible for the same? Few things will not be in our control, and feelings are too right. Three years was long, but if he had confessed to me, he would still have ended up getting rejected. These many things made me realize the power Joshua had over me from Day 1.
"I think we both know the answer and trust me, I am not blaming you for choosing Joshua. Gray, I am sorry. I couldn't neglect my feelings and reached out to you. There were so many things I had bundled up. Today, I thought I should express everything. To this day, I am not able to decide whether what I did was right or wrong. You were my friend if I considered that I should neglect my feelings, and I couldn't do that. When I tried to find answers to so many questions, in return, it ended up adding more fuel to my fuming."
We were silent; I guess he was done, and I was not sure what to say. He was not proposing; I get that, but what's the use of revealing now was beyond me. Maybe for his own sanity. I was feeling like I was only responsible for my today's situation, which was not the case. Everyone has their own reasons, and no one is ready to hear mine. If they were willing to hear it, would they buy my reasons? I had done my part by leaving everything as it was, but not others who were once associated with me, and all the reasons were debatable. At last, I can conclude as usual nothing was making bloody sense.
"Gray." Made me come back to reality and I was facing Ed. He was fidgeting with his fingers and handed over a business card, writing something behind it. "I want to forget everything and start over. A fresh start. If you are ready, please call me. Please don't take any decisions on the spot; think it over. Behind the card is my personal number, and I have yours. Please, let's give it a second chance to each other. I will be expecting your call or text, Gray; by default, you will be getting it from mine. Please don't block my number. That's it, Gray; I will get going." In return, I could only nod my head.
It was time. I packed my things, and by saying goodbye to David, I made my way home. Once again, deep in my thoughts. Every word that came out of Ed's mouth was true, except his feelings for me. Everything related to Joshua was. Every word. That only made me conclude that I was crazy about him. I neglected so many things, unnoticed everything. This power that he had over me had the same weight at present, and I gulped down. My mind and heart were at war. The conflict was clear.
I reached my flat. I was controlling my emotions and praying not to face him. After taking a deep breath, I unlock the door. Thank God my pace toward my room was fast. As I entered, I was under the shower, controlling the emotions that were erupting like lava, heated.
When I reached the flat, it was past midnight. I checked the fridge; the food was untouched. I made my way to Gray's room; he was asleep. At least, did he bother to have something? For a few seconds, my eyes were stuck on his face. Edward's appearance was only going to make everything worse for me, and I should be prepared for the coming days. I was exhausted. There was this urge to take him on my shoulder and sleep, just like that which was overflowing. I have to keep everything at bay. Nothing was going to work if I pushed things. At least not with the present Gray.