Tuesday.
Day 17.
Lectra.
I had lied to Issa, and I don't even know why.
Of course I could have just told her that I was going to go talk with Wes again, but she clearly had other things going on in her head. And me trying to figure the mess out with Wes was not something I wanted to burden her with right now.
It wasn't like I was the only one lying. I wasn't stupid, I could tell Issa wasn't telling me entirely everything about what went down while she was gone. It didn't matter that we were both lying, I would give her the time she needed to hopefully eventually tell me. If she ever did, that is.
The same went for me.
I was on my way to Wes, taking my precious time, as I was feeling butterflies shoot out my butt just thinking about what might happen. I wasn't sure why I was even giving him another chance to talk with me again today, but the night at the pool party we somehow got alone together after Issa went to do her own thing, and he was pretty persuasive, as per usual.
I knew it couldn't possibly go well at all, but here I was, walking into our not-so-secret place to talk. It was my idea to pick a spot other than my old room, or new one. The spaces felt too enclosed and personal. After awhile of talk, we decided on the library. Afterall, Issa would be with George in his room again all day. We had nothing to worry about.
"Lectra, hey!" Just as expected, there was Wes, with his perfectly wavy hair and amazing smile, tempting me to forgive him right then and there. I held myself together as I moved closer to him at a table seated in the back of the room, out of view of most people sitting nearby. Private, just how I wanted it. Well, at least as private as we could get it.
"Hey."
"I got you something. A present." I sit down at last, then watch as Wes pulls out a tiny package from his pocket. It had news paper wrapped around it, an obvious poor attempt to use it as wrapping paper. Around that was a glittery green bow.
"What's with the bow? It's not my birthday or anything." Wes looks offended as he hands me the small box.
"I know that, I just know green is your favorite color and all. Thought it was a nice touch." I can only manage to roll my eyes at his, yet again, pathetic attempt to win me over.
"The rest inside also goes with the color theme too. Just open it already." Wes' cheerful attitude was getting a little too cocky for my liking, but I kept my cool and did as he asked and began opening the present, careful to not damage the bow.
As much of a jerk he was, I did like bows, and Wes knew that perfectly well. There was a sort of calmness they gave me. Seeing them made me think presents, and presents meant parties or even Christmas. It was comforting, even if nothing much really happened around here during holidays.
I slowly tucked away the bow inside my pocket for later and went back to finishing the job.
"So? I hope you like it. It was kinda hard to get-" I finally open it and pull out a small, green colored owl pendant. It was attached to a beautiful gold chain bracelet and shined wonderfully, like it might even be real gold.
"It's jade. I don't know about the gold though, that's probably not real. I mean, it's not like I'm a millionaire here." I let a giggle slip out of my mouth as I take the bracelet and put it around my wrist hesitantly.
"I'm sure I don't have to tell you what the owl represents, right?" I flick my eyes up to finally let myself look at Wes studying me nervously. He was right, I knew exactly what the owl meant, but what came out of my mouth said otherwise;
"Please remind me?" Wes smiles, then he takes hold of the owl on my wrist, formally dangling rhythmically to my movements. It was only then that I noticed Wes was shaking. I would sooner grow wings before thinking I would ever see Wes, well-scared. He was always awful at showing his real emotions.
"Oh c'mon, it was the forth of July. We were out together after you and Brooks got into a fight about who should set off the fireworks at his party. Lame party, might I add-" Wes winks at me, milking his already convincing apology.
"We went out to that park across from that sketchy gas station after grabbing some horribly dry doughnuts, and just layed in the grass all night. Then after the fireworks started going off at your brothers place, and all we could see were bursts of random colors every now and then, we saw that owl up in the tree above us." I knew the story all too well, I had relived it in my mind about half a million times.
It was one of the worst days of my life that day after Brooks said some pretty awful things to me in front of all of his "friends" at the party. But after I was with Wes, watching the fireworks burst into color, it easily became one of the best moments and days of my life. I didn't need to hear him repeat it, I'd already told myself it hundreds more, but hearing it fall from his lips made it seem like it was the first time again.
It was a damn good apology.
I simply sat there listening to his words, sounding like pure poetry as he spoke to me;
"Then as we sat there watching the owl peacefully sitting on that branch as if it was also watching the fireworks with us, a huge firework exploded in the night sky and lit the owls colors up totally green-"
"And then I said I wished all owls were made of jade. Because of the way its eyes and feathers shimmered that perfect shade of green. It was utterly beautiful. I remember now." I could see by the way Wes watched me that he knew I already remembered from the very start, and that I simply wanted to hear him tell it. What Wes didn't know was that was also the night I fully started feeling different about him.
I just didn't know it then, until now.
"I know that's when you started feeling something for me, Leah." I don't know why I was surprised, of course Wes already knew that I liked him more than a friend, but hearing him say it made my heart race. I knew even more then that those feelings were still present.
"And I'm sorry I didn't return those feelings back then. Even if you didn't even know you had them yourself." I didn't know what to say to Wes then at all, so I stuck with the first thing that came out;
"It's not like I wanted to feel this way about you. It just kinda-happened. I always just saw you as, like-"
"Don't say brother, that just looks wrong on so many levels." A relieved laugh leaks out and instantly I was feeling better.
"It's the truth though. And you can't tell me that's not also why you never felt anything for me." Wes goes serious again at my truthful words until finally he adds;
"Okay, maybe. But you and I both know it's not because of how you look. I don't know why I ever said that in the first place. You look good and even you know it." I hold hold the urge to cry, laugh and maybe even throw up a little as he finishes speaking his very questionable point making.
"Alright, you can't go saying I remind you of a sister then call me hot, you hypocrite." Wes rolls his eyes at me as he finally removes his hand from my bracelet, shaking his hand as if I was made of spiders.
"You're right, you're right. My bad." I look back down at the bracelet, finally connecting the dots.
"Claudia was the one who got it for you, isn't she?" I knew it was the only way he'd be able to get such an item, so I wasn't surprised by his reaction whatsoever. Wes' eyes dart away instantly and he starts picking on the table at a chipped piece of paint.
"It's fine, whatever. I just, understandably, don't really like the girl all that much." Finally Wes looked back at me more relieved like again. I knew he understood how I was feeling about her. The day waking up to her totally naked trying to escape my room which started this entire dispute. But I now see that my hate for her was probably sparked from jealousy.
She was darn near perfect.
"About Claudia-" Wes inhales but doesn't say anything.
"Yes?" Wes rolls his eyes at me like he was the one waiting on an answer from me. Quickly, before I can get a chance to get another word out, he was breathlessly adding;
"She asked me to, like, be her boyfriend. I know you probably don't want to hear that but it's the tru-" Not letting him finish, I was suddenly letting out an amused laugh, in total disbelief;
"Weston!" Wes rubs at his cheeks that were now forming red splotches. That was a new thing to see Wes blush, but it was enough surprise to hit me with a sudden urge of realization.
"Do you actually want to-date her?" He quickly shakes his head left and right, signaling no, then seconds later he shrugs, giving mixed signals.
"I really have no idea. She's nice and all, and really good in bed-" I squint a nasty look at Wes and he swiftly recovers;
"-Sorry. Ignore that."
"You can't date her Wes. You know that right? She helps keep us all contained here. You'll be like George to everyone here. Hated for helping the rest of them."
"I already know that. That's exactly why I haven't said yes." I look back down at my wrist, at the owl staring up at me beautifully. I wasn't another reason he hadn't said yes to her. I had hoped our fight had sparked something inside Wes, but I was maybe a little too hopeful for thinking anything of the sort.
"So what's keeping you from saying no to her then?" Wes makes eye contact with me for only a second more, then he was reaching down into his pocket again and pulling out a mini bottle. It didn't take any longer than a millisecond for me to see exactly what it was.
"Is that-fireball? It's so tiny." I manage a small chuckle then realize what Wes was trying to say. My eyes widen and instantly an idea was hatching.
"She's getting you stuff for free now? No payments anymore?" Wes nods and hides the bottle back in his pocket.
"Don't you understand how great that is?" Wes breaks his serious stance and immediately let's out a half smile.
"I knew you liked alcohol and all, but I didn't know you'd get this exited about a tiny bottle. We can go and drink some in my room right n-" I was quick with wavering my hands at Wes, telling him to be quiet instantly. I remained excited as I begun explaining my idea to him;
"Wes, now you totally have to say yes to her!" At my outburst, I immediately receive an incredulous expression from Wes.
"What? Just for more alcohol? I don't understand-" Lowering my voice slightly, I explain;
"No Wes. For other things that can maybe help us get out of here. Like, I don't know, a gun?" Wes snickers instantly, but I was in no means joking. What I really should have asked for was a damn bomber jet to blow up this whole place.
"She isn't going to just bring us a gun. And-c'mon. I don't know if I can just use Claudia like that. As bad of a person she is for keeping us here, she's been there for me recently." I understand instantly what Wes is referring to. That me and his parting took a tole out of him more than I had originally thought. That she was there to help him feel better after my absence.
I exhale and prepare myself to say exactly what I was thinking, even if it would make Wes feel indifferent.
"I get it. I really do Wes, but she can help us get out of here. And if she really, truly cared about you the way you clearly care about her, you wouldn't still be here at the school. I'm sorry." It was hard to admit, even for me. The fact that he had feelings for Claudia, and even that she truly was just as bad of person as Cam was for holding us here. I could tell by the way Wes simply stayed put at the table, not saying a word, that he knew it to also be the truth just as much as I did.
"The first time I actually let someone in, and they don't even really care. Ouch." Taking my hand and placing it on Wes' arm, I rub a small section, trying anyway I can to help him the way Claudia had been. But I knew I couldn't give him the feelings he craved from her.
"I'll be alright. Now that I, hopefully, have you again?" All I have learned from today was that I definitely expected the worst outcome most of the time, and it always turned out to be the exact opposite. I've learned so much and it's only the afternoon.
I giggle to myself as I launch up from the table and give Wes a great big hug that had been itching to get out since I got out of bed. Wes returns it just as hard, leaving us hugging long enough to turn my palms white, but also long enough for me to realize I still wanted more than this from Wes.
And that I probably wouldn't ever get it.
"Of course you have me Wes. Always."
--Issa--
I was back inside my room, simply waiting on Lectra to come back and comfort me after my very awkward experience with Blake.
I wish I could say I handled the news from him nicely, that after he confessed I simply reassured him or made him feel better somehow. But that just was not the case. Instead what really happened was I got my ass out of there as quick as I could, leaving him standing alone, and crying, in that closet.
What was wrong with me? All I had wanted to yell at Blake was that I couldn't have another guy fighting over me after already having Cam and George, even Brooks, but my stupid self thought running for the hills was the way to go. And honestly, now that I was all by myself in my room, it kinda feels like the right option.
I needed me time. Badly.
That lasted about five minutes when I heard a ding coming from my computer on my desk. I was sure it was some sort of notification sound, but that couldn't be, I wasn't allowed to make contact with absolutely anyone. I sit up in bed to see my screen was already on. How had I not noticed it when I first got here?
Even worse than that, it meant that someone had been inside my room messing with my things. And I knew for a fact that Lectra had been gone all day.
On the screen was an obvious emailing app, and like I had guessed, I was sent something. But the second I get there and read what had been sent to me, I wished I hadn't noticed it at all. I sat down in my chair and opened the email titled: 'Issa, my darling, please read.' I quickly began reading, knowing all too well who must have sent it to me;
'Issabelle. I am sorry our conversation the other night did not go as planned for either one of us. I had hoped to get along with you, I had no plan on gifting you with this burden to share with Cam, but fate had other plans. Because of that, I regret to inform you that as of now, you will be accompanied by Cam to leave your work and assist him in search of new apprentices in need of a home, serving me here. As you have been told, this is non negotiable.
Tomorrow, after curfew, you will be taken under Cams wing and trained on how we do things around here at the school to find new promising individuals to work here, same as you. He will inform you on the rest, but for now, just know that if any moves are made to come against me or any guards working for me, punishments will be enforced.
I still wish for our relationship to grow and thrive as we get to truly know one another through this new promotion. Right now you may see this as a terrible thing to come upon you, but you will soon see everything done here is truly not as bad as it seems. It is simply just business.
Yours,
Whatever your heart insists on calling me, my love.'