Monday.
Day 20.
Issa.
Weeks have passed since the awkward evening with George and Cam. Very, very awkward.
Cam and I ended up studying until we couldn't cram anymore knowledge into my head. All of the finals have been taken and now it's the suspenseful waiting period. And ironically, Cam seemed to be waiting and stressing out alot more than I ever will be.
This long couple of weeks have been a great learning experience, not only because Cam was surprisingly an amazing teacher, but because I got to know him much better too. Even more than I thought I already did.
The biggest change overall was the fact that I think I've finally gotten over my weird little crush on Cam. Key words; I think. I still feel guilty that I even liked him in the first place while I was with George. It doesn't help that I still haven't managed to tell Cam that I was actually with George.
I wasn't even sure George had told him either, which is strange considering how close they are. Whenever I'm around the two of them, we just hide it. Like we're just friends. Especially George.
The day George and I became official, and got a little handsy with eachother, which was great, but ever since then it hasn't happened again. He acted like we were strictly friends, especially around Cam. When we're alone together, he gets touchy then never acts on it. Then when I try a move, something happens to stop it.
And I knew the lust I was feeling for Cam is probably simply from needing more attention from George.
At least that's what I kept telling myself.
I finally decided to spend the day with Lectra and explain to her everything that's been happening. That George definitely was not my sugar daddy, but instead my boyfriend.
"So-how did George take the news of you basically moving in and dropping out to stream and stuff?"
"He was fine with it as far as I know-I mean-just-why is that the question you have after everything I just said? I just told you I wanted to be with both of these guys and that's what you take from it?"
All Lectra does is giggle then take a bite out of her burger she just ordered at the cafe we were sitting at. We made usual visits to this cafe now, seeing as it was where I told her everything about the dream, it felt nostalgic. Plus, Wes worked here so we could keep him company while we gossiped about life.
We were becoming the best of friends and I even was getting along better with Wes as well. It was becoming increasingly obvious that he had a thing for Lectra, but I wasn't sure it was my place to tell her, so I just left it alone.
Lectra takes a huge gulp of her tea then finally adds to my explosive confession;
"It's alot to take in. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of you." She waggles her eyebrows at me then winks way too aggressively.
"Jealous, how?"
"You know-" She stops and quickly nudges me with an elbow then continues;
"-two insanely hot guys fighting over you. And already having one of em'." I lift my hand to stop her and reassure;
"No. Cam is definitely not into me. I am-er, was." Lectra goes back to her funny looking eyebrow dance but I ignore her and stuff my face with a bagel. With a mouthful I add;
"I only need George." Before Lectra has a chance to comment on anything, the door to the cafe flies open and in walks Brooks.
It had been a long while since I'd last seen him. Lectra informed me earlier that he was busy with work. Evidently, he still had time to bug me on my free days. My free days away from seeing him.
"Issa. You're looking good. Working out?" It was a compliment but anything coming out of his mouth was anything but nice sounding. Before I can respond, I'm flooded with a reminder of me and Brooks kitchen incident again.
George and I had talked about it since he had seen the whole thing go down, and he trusted me around Brooks. And it was a good thing, considering I would be living in Brooks house now. He understood I disliked this man more than anything and wanted nothing to do with him, but I had to be nice since he was letting me live there now.
And because I still had yet to tell Lectra anything had happened in the first place. Ugh.
"Thanks." Is all I can find myself saying to him finally. He smiles and looks to Lectra now.
"Fix your face." I look over at her and notice her face is covered with grease from her burger. She takes out her phone and checks herself out. Finally, she smirks at her brother then takes what's left of her burger and smears it along her cheeks.
"Ah-all better! Right Issa?" She turns to me with a smile that was much too devious. I smile back and nod in agreement, then grab my bagel full of cream cheese and smudge my nose with it.
"Absolutely stunning!" I go to glance at Brooks for his reaction but see he was already at the counter ordering something, ignoring us. Smugly, I turn back to Lectras now much dirtier face.
"You should clean that though. He kinda wasn't wrong." She nods secretly then reaches for a napkin.
"Yeah-but don't let him know that." Just then Wes walks up to us with a pitcher of water seeing Lectra with a greasy face and exclaims;
"Oh! Lectra, um. Your face is kinda-" Lectra and I don't say anything, we simply stare at eachother then burst into laughter. Finally she states;
"Oh I know."
•••
Hours pass and I'm finally 'home' again. I haven't officially moved into Brooks place because my dorms lease has yet to end. Until then, I've been sleeping in either Lectras room or Georges.
Lectra had informed me that she was throwing a party, as usual, and I absolutely needed to show up too. Feeling like I had no choice since I lived here too, I obliged happily.
My room would soon be upstairs with everyone else, so I wouldn't feel lonely downstairs with Brooks. It was really beginning to feel like a fraternity here with this many people living here, but it wasn't much different than my dorm.
Lectra dragged me upstairs to get ready in my best clothes for the party. The only things I managed to move into my new place was my clothes and some other neccesities, so my room was absolutely bare at the moment. I would have to do a crap ton of shopping soon, which Lectra was pumped about for me.
I open my bare closet to find all my clothes and start digging through. The first thing my eyes dart to is my sparkly red cocktail dress which I totally forgot I had. I could never find the perfect occasion to wear it until tonight. I was told to dress extravagantly by Lectra, so I wouldn't be letting her down.
I slam a few drinks down my throat for luck then prepare myself to go downstairs.
•••
I go downstairs finally to find probably a hundred college kids dancing around everywhere. I smile at myself as I realize I'll soon be a dropout and can't call myself one with them anymore. It felt nice.
I'm stopped in my tracks when I hear a scream come from somewhere in the house then calm down when I realize it was only Lectra running at me.
"What the hell is this? You look smoking!" I check myself like I had forgotten what I was wearing then smirk back up at Lectra who was still checking me out.
"Where is boy toy? Or boy 'toys'? Eh?" Lectra clicks her tongue then just stares at me with big serious eyes, waiting for an answer.
"Just the one Lectra. George. And I don't know yet." She nods, not seeming to care much anymore, then hands me a bottle of liquor. I loved this girl.
"I have a surprise for you." She says quieter than normal.
"What? This wasn't already the surprise?" I gesture to the large bottle in my hands now. I open it and take a couple swigs. She laughs then tugs my hand into the group of people.
"Hey guys! This lady right here is the reason we're all here tonight! The college dropout-who's gonna pass all of her exams and shove it in my brothers face!" She was raising my arm holding the bottle a little too high, but not high enough for me to pour some into my mouth. It was obvious she was already a little tipsy by her wording not making much sense but it still managed to make me feel appreciated.
Everyone was now cheering and patting my back. Some even poured more drinks into my mouth, causing me to stumble over. It didn't take a genius to realize I was becoming tipsy already. Call me the queen of lightweights.
"C'mon! Let's go play waterfall over there!" Before I can react, Lectra was pulling me over to a group of people in the living room playing a card game. On my way over, I see Cam and George talking to each other, walking upstairs. George is carrying an awfully big bottle, bigger than mine. Cam was only holding a solo cup, looking sober.
I told myself George would be fine, Cam was sober and would keep track of him and went back to the game.
•••
*George*
I woke up this morning expecting to have a comepletly normal day, and now I'm drunk and at a party at my own house, I didn't even know about until now. I'm not even sure how I got this drunk. Someone must've handed the bottle to me and I guess I started drinking it.
The last thing I remember was looking for Issa when I ran into Cam. He was all dressed up, more than normal.
"What's with the get-up?" I tap his shoulder and he turns around with a slight frown.
"Did no one tell you this party was for Issa? Leah planned it." I simply nod feeling a little left out. I look down at my sweatpants and t-shirt and sigh.
"Nope. No one." Cam laughs then tugs at my hand, pulling me upstairs.
"I have something you can borrow. C'mon." I quickly look downstairs and see Issa leaning against a wall with Lectra. She was wearing a beautiful red dress that shaped her amazingly.
Not wanting to stop watching, I force myself away. I feel another tug from Cam and trudge upstairs into his room. Cam closes the door behind him with a lock. I glance over at him with a questionable look.
"A bunch of drunk people wondering around looking for a bathroom while you're trying to change up here? Not a good idea. Better to lock it." I give him an 'uh huh' then launch myself onto his bed.
I chug more of the liquid down and realize it's pretty much gone. I groan, annoyed that I would soon be out of it. Grabbing Cam's attention then, he asks me;
"What's wrong with you over there?" I lift my head off his pillow to look at him. He's still searching in his closet, not paying attention to me.
"Almost out." Finally he whips his head around to look then giggles and turns back to looking.
"Poor baby. You should maybe hold back on the drinking a little." His tone had changed from normal to almost flirty sounding. Or was I just too drunk and am simply imagining it? I find myself watching his every movement as he works to find the items for me.
I knew it was wrong, he was my friend and I was with someone now. I immediately remember the way Issa had looked tonight. Cam had also dressed up. He was wearing a loose dress shirt that showed his chest the perfect amount. They were both intoxicating.
Just as I had before, I started imagining them standing together. Issa with her legs showing just enough and her low-cut dress teasing her chest. Then there was Cam, standing beside her holding her gently with his large hands full of rings.
They looked so good together. Like a real couple. More than what I could give either. I look down at myself at my outfit and realize how badly I wanted it off of me. I started tearing away at my clothes, hating my outfit, just trying to get it off.
"Cam. I want it off. Now please." He gets up from his closet holding some clothes.
"Want what off-? Oh. You want me to do it George?" His voice changes again and makes my body go warm. Why was he acting so different tonight? Now I couldn't have been imagining it.
"No, I can do it." I get up and notice just how dizzy I really felt. I slowly strip off my clothes then stand there awkwardly. Cam had tossed me the outfit and I finally started to dress.
I hadn't bothered to even look at what I was putting on, but now that it was on, I knew I looked good. He had basically picked out exactly what he was wearing, except he had my shirt buttoned up.
"Hey. I want mine unbuttoned too." I tug at his shirt and drag him closer to me. He smiles and reaches for my shirt.
"You're adorable when you're drunk George." He's only a couple centimeters from me so I can smell his fresh cologne on him. He was unbuttoning my shirt one by one until it finally looked like his.
Why had he just said that to me? I didn't notice until he tried to back away that I was gripping at his shirt. He stops moving and looks at me. I can feel my face beam red and I can't move my hands away from him. I don't want to move, I miss the way he felt. I think of Issa again and know how this ended last time, knowing I should just back away from Cam right now.
I break away and I hear Cam's breath stutter then he clears his throat;
"So-um, should we go back downstairs? Maybe find Issa? Since this is her party." He's smiling again, looking less awkward now. I nod at him and wipe away a bead a sweat from my forehead, only just now really noticing how hot I was.
Cam moved to open the door and I start to feel panicked. All I wanted to do was touch him again before we left. I knew when we got back downstairs we would continue to be just friends. And I didn't want that.
Cam only opens a crack of the door before I ultimately exclaim;
"Cam!" He stops harshly and turns around.
"Yes George?" He only looked concerned. I looked into his emerald eyes and couldn't stop myself from slowly walking toward him.
"George? Are you okay-" Before he could finish his sentence I planted a kiss on his warm lips. If I was reading this night correctly, he wanted this just as bad as I did. Right now I didn't care about the aftermath of it all, I just wanted his lips on mine.
The kiss lasts about five seconds until he throws me off of him without warning, then he was backing away from me and looking at me, absolutely horrified.
"What the-why did you-George!" He throws me back so hard I fall to the ground. Or was I just too drunk to stand? It didn't matter, I was thrown down harder than a sack of potatoes.
"I-read that wrong." My words slightly slur as I speak now. He shocks me by laughing like I just cracked a joke. I quickly register that he isn't even a tiny but amused.
"Well no shit you read that wrong!" I don't even bother moving from his bedroom floor. I stay there rolled up in a fetal position, feeling like I could throw up.
"I just thought-You were totally flirting with me all night Cam." He laughs again and closes his door behind him with a slam.
"I was not! I never have." The fury in his eyes was displeasing. He was walking closer to me, still looking unamused, and frankly disgusted.
"Get up." Cam was generally a nice guy, this being the first time I ever saw any hint of pure wickedness in him, I didn't hesitate to listen.
"I'm going to pretend this didn't happened, solely because you're drunk and we are friends, and I care about you." I nod, feeling tears filling my sight.
"And we work together. I wouldn't want it to damage that either." He turns toward his bed and grabs my alcohol I had been drinking and chugs down the rest. His face cringes and he adds;
"But if you do anything like this again, I won't hesitate to let Issa know." I stop breathing. I had it in mind that he had no idea we were together. It felt wrong to keep it from him, I know it was, but I couldn't tell him.
Cam is studying me this time with unkind eyes when he says;
"Yeah I knew. And why you couldn't tell me is obvious now." I tell myself to just breathe so I don't burst into tears but they threaten to fall anyway.
Cam looks at me clearly apologetically as he finishes;
"It's always been Issa. Not you George. Have you ever thought about why maybe Issa hasn't told me about you guys either?"
Finally the tears give way and fall from my face like a waterfall. Issa couldn't possibly like Cam, there was no way, I didn't want to believe it. This whole time I told myself he wasn't into her and wanted me instead, but now it's just her he wants. But Cam had a point, they did spend so much time together. For all I knew, she did want him instead.
It shouldn't hurt, I shouldn't have even done anything in the first place, but it happened. I told myself, this time around I would be better and I still messed up. At least this time I'll tell her right away.
"I'm gonna go find her." I make my way past Cam, feeling a rush of confidence, then leave to find Issa. I turn one last time and see Cam watching me run down the hall.
I wasn't so sure, but I swear his face was full of regret.
*Issa*
I was having the time of my life. Lectra and I were playing one of the most fun games I've ever played and I had no worries in my head. I felt great. Being drunk was just a plus.
I look over to Lectra to tell her I had the giggles from being indescribably happy, only to see her making out with some girl in the corner of the couch.
"I totally knew it!" I yell, totally ruining the moment between them. She shakes off of the girl and yells back;
"It was a dare-You knew what?" I blow a raspberry into a laugh then shrug smoothly, acting clueless. I had in mind she was at least a little closeted, but I guess not.
"Hey Issa." I look up at the voice saying my name and see George standing above me all dressed up. I had never seen him all fancied up and I could hardly even handle it.
"Well, hey Georgie-" I grab him and drag him to an area of the house that was surprisingly completely clear of people. I hear Lectra yell something to me but I pay no mind to it.
The room I take him to has a fireplace with a ton of books. I quickly realize it was probably a library or study area. The lighting was darker than the rest of the house and perfectly set the mood. I would definitely be coming in here more often after I was sober.
As soon as I make sure we are alone, I close the door and push George up against the wall. I feel my way up his chest and can feel his heart beating fast as I touch him.
"Wait-" His voice is so small I barely noticed he was talking.
(WOOWEE SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND SLAP YOUR GRANDMAW!!!)
"God, I love you." There's no other way to describe it other than instant regret in his face. If I wasn't still drunk, I would have handled it better, but because I was, I only think to reply with;
"Oh." Completely ruining the moment, I get up and giggle to myself. There was nothing said that was funny, but I was so embarrassed that it was all I could do. It's not like I didn't want to say it back either, I just couldn't. Not in this moment. I definitely cared about George, it just might be too-soon.
Scratch that, it definitely was way too soon.
I cover my chest and look around for my dress. After too long I give up and eye obviously at George's shirt.
"Here-" He quickly takes it off and gives it to me for me to wear. I put it on and stand there, arms crossed. I get the courage to look at him again, only to laugh once more. All I wanted to do was slap myself, but I was too drunk to do anything right at the moment.
George stood there with only his boxers on, looking nothing but uncomfortable. He hears me laugh and his face turns a darker red than it already was. I notice his face also twists a mean way.
"Glad this is funny to you." I quickly get more serious and say;
"No. It is not funny, I'm just drunk and-"
"And you like Cam better, right?" My eyes widen. George just sits there staring at me like he's waiting for me to confess it to him. Eventually I try;
"Cam-? He doesn't even like me like that-he-" George scoffs.
"And you can't even deny it." I narrow my eye at him then say, louder than expected;
"I don't know what you want me to say! It's not a competition!"
My words slur as I speak. I see a bottle full of whiskey on a table in the room we're in and immediately needed it. I walk over to grab it and take a swig. My vision is caught by the fireplace burning. It was beautiful and all I wanted was to sit in front of it and take in the warmth. But I don't, I just stand there staring at it until finally George speaks up again.
"Well it's okay, cause I like Cam just as much as you do." I hear his words but I get hit with a wave of deja vu and my mind goes blank.
"What did you say?"
"I like Cam. Maybe even love him. And get this-I kissed him like ten minutes ago."
The dream. The god damn school. It keeps rearing it's ugly head. It was repeating here, every damn thing. I just wanted to forget it. How am I supposed to do that when everything reminds me of it? Lectra, Wes, and now Cam and George kissing.
History just kept repeating itself no matter how hard I was trying to avoid it.
"You kissed him." I was smiling because I felt like I would go batshit if I didn't pretend I was okay. I knew I looked insane by this point, but I couldn't care less. My statement wasn't a question but George replied anyway;
"Yeah. But don't worry. He likes you, not me." I couldn't help but burst into unamused laughter. We were talking to eachother like a couple of drunk crazy people.
"So, hey maybe he's waiting for you upstairs? You can go screw him instead." He looks like he subtly regretted his words but quickly goes back to not caring, only pissing me off more. That's when I said something I wasn't sure if I would regret.
"That's actually a good idea. Maybe he'll actually have the balls to do something to me." I felt no residue of guilt as I yelled the insults back at George, he had just cheated and was going to have sex with me after. Hell no was I going to feel bad. And hell no was I about to feel guilt.
George goes to respond but I'm already halfway to the door. I reach for the knob then turn back around, still with the bottle in my hand. I walk up to him and hand it to him firmly against his chest. He quickly grabs it and stares down at it, looking like death now.
"I think you need this more than I do. Cam and I sure as hell won't." I watch his face shrink as I walk out, slamming the door in his face. Now was when everything started going too fast for me to really comprehend much. The only thing I noticed was Lectra still at the couch playing the game, then she also sees me.
"Issa! How was it? I need details. Oh-" She quickly notices I'm wearing only George's shirt and a thong as I stride through the living room for everyone to see, then she begins laughing and whooping. I curtsy at her then begin walking upstairs.
Behind me I hear her yell;
"Where are you going?" I don't bother looking back, I simply answer with;
"Gonna go bang Cam! See you tomorrow!"
I make my way up the stairs feeling a little less wobbly now. I look down the hallway at Cam's room. I stared at his door, estimating if I'd regret this tomorrow. Cam shows himself in my mind and I know the answer immediately.
I take a breath and walk to Cams room without another thought. I arrive at his door and study it, then my hand found its way up, knocking.
Thoughts immediately started flooding in again. What if he wasn't even here at the moment? What if George had been lying and wanted me to embarrass myself? There were so many what ifs I couldn't think.
Oh well, I tell myself, doesn't hurt to try.
"Issa?" I look at the door, confused, as it was still closed. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder pulling me around to see who was talking.
"Right here." Cam smiles as he nudged past me to get inside his room. He opens it then waves for me to come inside. I don't move.
"How much have you had to drink-?" He stops then looks at me seriously;
"Are you okay?" I'm sure he'd already seen my strange outfit by now and was very confused.
I nod at him and finally enter his room. I leave his door open but linger next to it in case I get rejected and I can leave right away.
"Okay, so if you're fine, why are you here?"
"George told me some things." Cam scratches his head and says 'oh' under his breath.
"Like what?" I tilt my head and smirk at him.
"I think you know." He smiles along with me then says;
"Well I have a few things in mind." I swallow and get the might to announce it to him at last, thanking the alcohol inside me for that. Finally I exhale and state;
"One being that you kinda have a crush on me?" He gets up from the bed and begins slowly pacing forward.
"And is that an issue-?" I shake my head no and I swear his green eyes flash a darker color at my response. He continues getting closer then asks;
"You want to close the door and come inside then?" I can only nod at him. I was so confident on my way here and now I felt like I could faint. I turn and close the door slowly, then with a lock, I'm frozen in place still staring at his door.
(BAMALAMA SCADOOSH TIME FOR REAL DIS TIME OPE)
•••
I'd be lying if I said we just spent the rest of the night talking and enjoying eachothers company. It's not a total lie, we did enjoy each other's company, just not by only talking.
When we finally decided to rest up, I began to get into my head and started thinking about George. I was no longer drunk and could think clearly. He had cheated on me again. With the guy I had just slept with. How much better than him really was I?
I was sure we weren't together anymore after the fight. I know in hindsight I shouldn't have slept with Cam, but I did care about him. And right now, it seems like he could treat me better.
I tried not to think about it too much the rest of the night. My phone was buzzing off the hook, but I didn't care. I knew it was George.
I knew sleeping with Cam made me arguably a bigger douche than George was, so I probably had no right being mad, but I was.
So mad it made my sight blurry, or was that the alcohol kicking in again? I didn't know, but my head was feeling that familiar dizzy aching again when I finally drifted into a long comfortable sleep in Cam's strong arms.