A cold northerly wind had begun to blow in the Mulnite Empire.
It was mid-December. The Crimson Match, the Six Nations War, the Heavenly Ball… I had been worked to death (nearly literally so!) the whole year, but soon I could put that all behind me.
Sports-wars were also few and far between during this season. In my maid's words: "It's a little break for everybody to gear up for the first Super Massacre Gratitude Fest of the new year." I was all for breaks, big or small, but what was the deal with this "Super Massacre" thing? Was I supposed to be thankful for getting killed? Which would totally happen to me if I had to participate in it? What was it anyway?
Unfortunately, Vill wouldn't give me the deets on the event; she would only grin whenever I asked her about it. I decided I would ask Sakuna instead whenever I got the chance.
Anyhow.
Despite my anxiety, I was actually doing some relaxing. Get this: It was Sunday, and I had the day off! And the Empress had summoned my maid away from me! A true miracle the likes of which I'd never experienced before and would likely never experience again.
Someone had to be smiling down on me from above. I needed to make sure not to waste a single second of this gift from heaven, which was why I cozied up on the rocker by the fireplace to read a book.
Bliss. Ecstasy, even. If only this moment could last forever.
Oh, I know. I should hibernate. Just tell everyone I'm a hibernating species of vampire and snooze all the way to spring. Yes! I'm a genius!
"Hey, Koma! Good morning!"
Then I heard the voice of evil.
Could this be a hallucination? There's no way she's in my room…
"Koma, are you listening? What're you reading? I'm gonna suck your blood if you keep ignoring me!"
"Woaaaaah?! Stop it! Don't bite my ear, you idiot!"
I threw away my book and jumped back.
But she had already teleported behind me.
The vampire of innocent evil—Lolocco Gandesblood.
Her lips twisted into a curl as she snickered. "Nya-ha-ha-ha!" Only a freak would laugh like that.
"It's just, your blood's so delicious. I can't help myself."
"Enough! What could possibly be yummy about that vile liquid?!"
"Haven't you heard? They say it tastes sweet when it's from your loved one."
I had read that before in a novel or something. In fact, I used the same trope in my own stories. But that had to be an urban legend. I mean, blood? Sweet? Hah!
"…You're saying you love me?"
"Of course I do! I love you so much I could throw you in a ditch!"
"Are you listening to yourself right now?"
"Anyway, you don't have anything to do right now, do you?"
"Where did you get that idea? And stop changing the subject…"
"Would you mind doing my winter break homework for me?"
Now look, I was kind-hearted and charitable vampire, but even I couldn't take the sheer insolence spilling from this girl's mouth.
"Why in the world would I do that?! How did you even get in here?! I locked the door!"
"Villhaze gave me a copy of the key in exchange for a photo of you when you were a kid."
"Are all of you out of your minds?!"
That had to be the shadiest backdoor deal I'd ever heard of. I had no idea those two were in contact.
And what did Vill want a picture of kid me for in the first place? What was so great about that? Though now that I think about it, I would certainly like to see a picture of little Vill… No, no, focus on what's at hand, Komari.
It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Lolocco was my natural enemy. This little sister of mine had made me shed three hundred million ounces of tears throughout my life at the very least.
She would snatch away my candies, steal my allowance, suck my blood, draw cat whiskers on my face, and give me nightmares by telling lies about watermelon seeds growing in my stomach if I swallowed them… I couldn't possibly list all the atrocities she'd inflicted upon me.
"Listen, Koma, I need to go out today. So please do my homework, or I'll tell everyone you're writing dirty novels."
"I-I-I-I-I-I'm not writing anything dirty!"
"Wow, you're shaking! So you really are aware of what you're doing!"
"…"
This girl was the devil incarnate. But I couldn't give her the satisfaction of victory. Not this time. For I was one of the Seven Crimson Lords. Doing a younger girl's bidding would ruin my reputation.
I took a deep breath to calm my heart, then donned my mature, majestic aura, and cleared my throat.
"Listen, Lolo. Are you even taking life seriously?"
"You're the one goofing off here. You're always weeping and wailing about how much you want to hole up inside and all that. It makes me ashamed of being your sister, to be honest."
"H-homework is something you have to do yourself, otherwise there's no po—"
"Oh, I get what's going on here! You couldn't do my homework even if you wanted to! You may call yourself a scholarly intellectual or whatever, but you wouldn't want anyone finding out you're actually dumb because you failed my assignment. Oh well. Yeah, I guess math is simply too hard for you."
The spirit of wrath inside me awakened from its slumber.
…Me? Dumb? You're telling the brightest mind of the generation that she can't do math?
"Heh-heh-heh… You underestimate me. With my smarts, I could finish your homework at the drop of a hat."
"Woah! Would you give me a demonstration of your incomparable genius, Koma?!"
"Very well! Bring up all the multiplication and division problems you like!"
"You're the best, sis! Here, take care of this."
She shoved a workbook at me, a smile on her face.
It was thicker than I expected, but that wasn't a problem. Academic work like this was the domain of the brightest mind of the generation—not killing. It was time to show Lolocco what I was made of. I could already picture the look on her face as she ate her words… With victory on my mind, I opened the workbook. The first page read:
"Complex Plane Applications"
...…...?
.....................................??
"Wrap it up by tomorrow, okay? I'll buy you a bottle of expensive ketchup for your efforts."
"Um…"
"What is it?"
"It's not times tables?"
She looked at me in confusion.
"Well, I'm pretty sure you use multiplication at some point. Surely you can do this, right? Don't worry if you get a few wrong. The teacher would be suspicious if I got everything right anyway."
"…"
A new possibility came to mind: This might all be a prank. This workbook was the stuff of nightmares; only top-level mathematicians would stand a chance against it. She had to be pulling my leg.
"…Little sis, do you understand what's in this book?"
"Well, duh. It's what we're studying right now in school! Anyway, I gotta go to church already. It is Sunday, in case you forgot!"
She then used Void Magic to pull out a thick book from nowhere. The Holy Church Scripture.
I was still baffled at how easily she had lied about studying this at school, but the issue was out of my mind already, as my attention diverted to her piety.
"And when did you start going to church?"
"Today." Today?!
"But weren't you saying how religion 'sucks shit' or whatever before this?"
"I changed my mind." Lolocco blushed. Why? "A priest visited the academy yesterday. He was so dreamy… I was feeling down, but he cheered me up. He heard me out and said, 'God will surely smile upon you, for deep down, you are brighter than the sun.' He even treated me to some hot coffee."
More like hot air that's blowing up your head right now.
Lolocco had just broken up with her boyfriend. Had she found a replacement already?
"The thing is," she continued, her face scrunching up like the heroine of a tragedy. "He sees me as nothing more than one of his lost little lambs. I asked him out for tea, but he declined. So I'm getting into his faith. I will join the church so that he…so that Lord Heaven will see my way."
"Who the hell is Lord Heaven?"
"One of the Seven Crimson Lords! Lord Helldeus Heaven!"
I nearly exploded in laughter.
"He's your colleague, you must know him. What sort of person is he?"
"Uh… Well, we don't really talk, so…"
"Still, you must know more about him than I do. Spill it, or I'll sneak some tabasco in your dinner to make you suffer."
"I don't negotiate with terrorists! To be honest, I only know that he loves God or whatever… Oh, and that he runs an orphanage."
"Gosh, you're useless. I know that already. I guess I was stupid for expecting anything out of you. Yeah, it makes sense the only friend you have among the Seven is that white-haired stalker."
Cheeky brat… Just you wait! Maybe I'll sneak some tabasco in your dinner one day!
Unfortunately, the idea was worthless. Lolocco could handle any type of food, unlike my spice and bell pepper–hating tongue.
In any case, I'd at least gotten a handle on things. She wasn't just after making me do her homework—she was also looking to get intel on Helldeus out of me.
…Helldeus, eh? I suppose he was on the decent side of the Seven Crimson Lords, but objectively speaking, he was still a total weirdo. But I guess Lolocco was one, too. Still, she was too excitable—as quick to lose interest as she gained it. I imagined she'd give up on religion soon enough.
Sincere disappointment showed on my sister's face as she sighed.
"I never expect anything from you, and you still let me down."
"Well, sorry. I think I'm way more shocked at you investing into the Holy Church, though."
"Oh, please! God is in right now! You'll see, the holy light will envelop the whole of the Mulnite Empire soon enough!"
"Now you're sounding like him…"
"It is true that the Holy Church's getting more followers recently. The faith is propagating all over the Imperial Capital. Why don't you try hearing out their teachings just once?"
"No, thanks. Not interested."
"Fine. Anyway, I've gotta go to the prayer and psalm lessons." Before Lolocco left, she remembered something and flashed a smile. "Oh, and don't forget about my homework! I'm sure it'll be no sweat for your genius! Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She snickered on her way out, making sure to grab some of my marshmallows for herself.
I stared at her as she departed, a question on my mind: What kind of religion is the Holy Church anyway?
Flöte had said that "House Gandesblood has always been known for their atheism that borders on blasphemy." I didn't really care about my parents' beliefs, though, so I felt it had nothing to do with me.
In any case, there's a much graver matter at hand. I looked down at the thick workbook.
"Oh, poor, poor Koma and your useless little brain." I could already hear Lolocco sneering at me for not doing it correctly. And I could take no more. I couldn't lose my dignity as the elder sister. I had to ace this workbook, no matter what.
"…But how am I gonna do that?" I clawed at my hair in despair.
I flipped through the book. This had to be a really intricate prank if it was one. But the first few problems were already solved. Which meant…this really, truly was her homework. No joke.
Someone, please help.
What was my sicko maid doing out in my moment of crisis?
★
Meanwhile, in a room of the Mulnite Imperial Palace, Villhaze, Komari's maid, was sitting at a fancy table across from the Empress.
Villhaze had been summoned just as she was gearing up to enjoy her indoor date with her mistress. She couldn't have possibly refused, but that didn't stop her from being in a bad mood.
Mulnite Empress Karen Helvetius sipped elegantly at her black tea.
Please, let's get this over with already.
"Wipe that frown off your face. We'll be done right away."
"I'm not frowning…"
"Yes you are, unambiguously. Look, I'm sorry. I know anyone would be annoyed at having their boss call them in on Sunday." She placed her teacup back on the saucer. "So let's cut to the chase."
"Should I keep this from Lady Komari?"
"I'll leave that up to you." The Empress grinned. "Now… You're aware of the Holy Church's growing popularity in the center of the Mulnite Empire, correct?"
"Yes, I believe."
The Holy Church was the leader of a monotheistic religion that revered a single absolute god. The organization was known throughout all six nations, as well as the Dark Core Zone. According to reports from Villhaze's direct subordinates, they had exploded in popularity around the summer… But what was the issue here?
"Something's fishy. Being enthusiastic about propagating their beliefs is one thing, but I'm hearing that they're holding shady gatherings in secret from the government. I also got intel on them importing weaponry from the Dark Core Zone. Although that last bit isn't entirely confirmed yet."
"Would you like us to mobilize the Seventh Unit to put them down?" Villhaze asked.
"The Seventh Unit would wreck everything. I'd be better off going with Helldeus's Second Unit, if anything… That's not what I'm asking of you."
The Empress looked out of the window.
Snow season would soon be upon them.
"…Excuse the sudden question, but do you believe in God?"
"That's certainly out of the blue. I'm an atheist."
"Same… I mean, I am one, too."
Karen's empressly aura weakened for a moment, but she regained her posture right away.
"I believe the Holy Church Scripture says something along the lines of fearing God, but I wonder just exactly how many people actually believe that from the bottom of their heart."
"Wouldn't a follower of the Church believe in God?"
"Not everyone can be as devout as Helldeus. I'm sure that some people out there merely use religion as a tool to achieve their own ambitions."
"I see…"
"The Pope will visit Mulnite three days from now."
Villhaze blinked. What did she just say?
"The Pope is the head of the Holy Church. They have a huge cathedral smack dab in the middle of the Dark Core Zone. The Pope usually holes up in there to issue her orders like a monarch, but now she wants to tour Mulnite. We must welcome her with open arms."
"Shall I prepare something along the lines of a feast for her?"
The Empress laughed. "That's for someone else to handle. I have a far more important task for you. Her Holiness wants to visit our nation to promote theological exchange. She has something in mind. It is the duty of the Mulnite government to find out what she might be plotting and put a stop to it before things get out of hand."
"Has the government ever been involved with the Church's headquarters?"
"No. The Mulnite Court was excommunicated a hundred years ago, and we haven't been in contact since. Still, the new Pope took charge three years ago, so maybe she's made some changes."
"…"
It was certainly strange that the Holy Church would contact Mulnite out of the blue after all that. But was there really a need to be so up in arms? After the Six Nations War and the Heavenly Ball, the nations of the world had been avoiding any serious conflict, hoping to achieve peace and amity. And religions were supposed to be concerned with the salvation of the people; would the Holy Church really plot something to go against the peaceful current?
Or am I simply too naive? Villhaze thought.
"Your Majesty, what do you want me to do, exactly?"
"I summoned you here to personally hand down my imperial decree. Listen well." She wore a suggestive grin as she explained the plan.
Villhaze absorbed her orders in total silence. She had no questions in particular. Whatever the Empress said had to be necessary for the Mulnite Empire. Above all else, she'd emphasized how the orders were "for Komari's good." Villhaze couldn't say no to that.
Upon finishing her explanation, the Empress stared at Villhaze as if asking for her thoughts.
"This for the good of all vampirekind. I hope you'll accept."
"Yes, I'll do as you say."
"Excellent!" She put on a broad smile. "I knew Komari's loyal maid wouldn't disappoint me. I'm sure you'll perform with flying colors. So. That's all. You can go now. Sorry for taking up your day off."
"It's no problem. Well then, good-bye."
Villhaze bowed and left.
The plan was to be carried out in three days, when the Pope arrived at Mulnite.
Villhaze was not worried about it. She had plenty of experience conspiring. There wouldn't be any problems, so long as she acted as boldly as ever.
Yes, and let's do it without telling Komari this time, either. That's what makes it fun.
Villhaze smiled internally as she went out to the hallway.
Cloing.
A switch flipped behind her, where the Empress had been sitting.
★
"Oh no… Oh no… Oh no, no, no…"
Cold sweat cascaded down my body as I confronted the workbook.
I couldn't understand a single thing in it. Were kids these days really solving these problems like they were nothing? The Mulnite Empire has a bright future in store, that's for sure… I escaped the present while gripping the quill tightly. So tightly that tears were spilling from my eyes.
Stupid Lolo. How dare she study more advanced topics than her big sister? I know I would be able to solve this at the snap of a finger if I had studied it! If only I hadn't dropped out of school!
Why does she get to have everything? Height? Smarts? Friends? Communication skills? Magic skills? Leadership? The charm to get away with any misdeed? And more than anything…the freedom to live without being bound to work obligations! She gets to enjoy her school life! It's not fair!
The more I thought about it, the more my mood soured.
I decided to, instead, draw my favorite dishes on the answer column. Omelet rice, Hamburg steak, curry rice… No, I shouldn't do that. I said I could solve this. No matter how much I hate my sister, my moral code won't let me leave this task undone.
"Oh! Lady Komari's crying! Fear not, my lady, I will wipe those tears away with my tongue. Look this way, if you please."
"WAAAH?!"
I tumbled out of my chair on the spot. Where did this sicko maid pop up from?! I was too used to her shenanigans already to grumble, though. I simply wiped my tears (with my hands) and stood up.
"…What're you doing here, Vill? Didn't the Empress call you?"
"Our meeting is over. But enough about that. What's the matter, Lady Komari? Did you find out I ate your pudding in secret?"
"You did?!"
"I am so, so sorry."
You little…!! I was looking forward to having it for dessert after dinner!!
…No, calm down. Breathe in, Komari. You can't blow up every time they eat your snacks, else you'll die an early death. Keep your cool. She apologized already.
"…Everybody makes mistakes. Just make sure it doesn't happen again."
"As merciful as always, Lady Komari. But that won't do. I must atone in some way. How could I be of help?"
"…?!" It was then that I realized the truth.
My maid was trying to give me a hand with my insufferable task. I was shaken to my core. I thought the absolute weirdo had no shred of consideration, but well, I'll be! Now this was how the master-maid relationship ought to be.
"V-very well! If you so insist, I will give you due punishment. My sister just dumped her homework on me, so please take care of it."
"No."
"Why?!" Seriously?!
"That's too much in exchange for one pudding. I request an after-bath ear cleaning."
"What?! You're the one apologizing! Where do you get off making requests?!"
"If you don't accept, I won't do your sister's homework. Enjoy having your pride as the elder torn to shreds."
"Argh…"
I was stupid for expecting consideration from my maid. She was always plotting to make me suffer. Fine! I'll do what you want! I'll sell my soul to the devil if it means getting out of doing homework!
"Okay, okay! I'll clean your ears or whatever, just do the workbook, please!"
"Oh my. I didn't expect you to give in so easily. I request a massage as well, then."
"And you call yourself my maid?! Fine! I'll do it!"
"Deal," she said inexpressively before taking the homework.
Why must I suffer through this? It's all Lolo's fault. Okay, Lolo and this maid's fault. I'm surrounded by evil. I grumbled on my way to bed.
I sat down and watched the maid at work in silence. There really was nothing she couldn't do. Housework, scheming, battling, homework, you name it.
I got restless five minutes later. Now that I could think things through more calmly… Wasn't it silly to have someone else do my sister's homework for me?
"…Hey, Vill. You can stop if you want."
"What? No, I'm doing it for the ear cleaning and the massage."
She kept on writing, not the least bit perturbed.
Come to think of it, I make her do a lot of menial tasks. She must have enough on her plate just making sure I don't die, and she still finds the time to make me sweets, clean my room, buy me books… I began fearing I'd become a bum thanks to her.
"…My personal life would be in shambles without you, huh?"
"Hmm? What do you mean?" Vill turned to me in confusion.
I shook my head hard.
"Nothing! Anyway, if you have any requests regarding your job as a maid, please tell me. I'll see what I can do. It is my duty as your boss to make sure you have a proper work environment."
"Thank you. If you insist, I would like to receive the right to marry you in place of a paycheck, please."
"Don't get ahead of yourself!"
As I screamed my retort, I picked up a book from the floor.
…Well, she wouldn't leave my side anyway, right?
Vill clung hard to me, if I did say so myself. She probably didn't have any employment opportunities besides the Mulnite Imperial Army. Entirely convinced that my bum levels would only increase as time went on, I continued reading my book from where I'd left off.
I'd had no idea back then. No idea that my peaceful life was already on the path to its demise.
★
The next day, my sister's dishonesty came to light because the handwriting on her homework wasn't hers; the teacher gave her the scolding of her life and made her stand in the hallway for five hours. Yeah, karma! I hoped this would make her reconsider her life choices, but knowing her, she'd forget all about it by the next day. How I wish I had her nerves!