I was surprised. Maybe hurt or angry or sad. I don't know the exact term to define how i felt. He had said me on the very first day that i wasn't supposed to tell anyone about us dating each other, was that because of the fact that he could play around like this? Millions of thoughts rummaged through my mind to find a proper answer. Was he ashamed of me? Wasn't i someone he could get along with... proudly? Did i put too much pressure that he hid the fact of our love and instead kept lying right on my face about how honest and perfect he is? I didn't ask him to date me! He did! He was the one to ask me out! Then? Am I not capable of being loved?
All the thoughts ran wildly across my mind while i remained dumbfounded in reality. After a few minutes of the 'thought' venture, my fingers involuntarily scrolled down the screen , to find Riri's chat. I wished to see something.... anything good at least something that i won't be surprised of.
I scrolled to a text that read, *I wish I had a bf like you....i am so fucking high on hormones*.
*I could help you out if she won't find it out later and make a scene of it* wink.
*Uh huh...no friends with benefits relation with me* wink.
*Let's shift to WhatsApp, or else that drama queen is again gonna come up with something to syncret with*
Tears rolled down my cheeks. From the very first day Alex spoke to me, i never on earth made a syncret of a single mistake he made. Syncret was a far word, i didn't even charge him out of anything he did. He dumped meeting with me for his friends, he texted me once every 48-72 hours. He didn't call me, instead would spend hours talking to Riri. I tried to build up a friendship with him. I tried to make him feel safe to share everything with me so that he doesn't run to others being tired of my presence. I tried to satisfy his body cravings as much as possible! only with the fact that i didn't yet give him my v-card. And everything resulted to this?????
And Riri? She claimed me as her bestfriend! I didn't ask her to do that!She was the one who decided to stick by me , and she is doing this behind my back??? If she would say that Ross does anything even near to what she is doing, i wouldn't mind slapping the shit out of her. She is being a slut bitch behind me, and is using me to fulfill her intentions!
I couldn't help but let anger take me over. I cried breathlessly without anyone beside me to listen me out. Why? That's all i could think of both of them.
It seemed as if the two person i trusted the most in my whole social world, other than just virtual friends, both turned out to be the backstabbers and they both *used* me just to satisfy their needs ironically. I was taken aback by everything i was realising now. Ross knew the whole thing from the start, or atleast had a mere idea of what's going on! He tried to warn me and i tried putting him off in his place instead? That to also for this slut i claimed as a friend?
Blood started boiling in my veins. I saw red. They thought they were playing it good on my face.... if such is the case...
Now it was my turn, I thought to myself.
I cried through the whole night despite of the anger filling me completely. I couldn't stop thinking about how blindly I dared to trust him....
And he was doing this!
Next morning, i managed to get up and got ready for my classes. I reached a little early to school that day. I took the last second seat of the last row....i hoped that it would be somewhat better to hide myself in that place. Ross came in. He stood by the door and shifted his eyes quickly across the room as if to find someone..Me.. I quickly bent down pretending to pick up something...but.....these excuses don't work for a high school kid afterall!
He found me , and came to sit beside me in the corner. I pretended to take out my Pride and prejudice, and read through... After like 4 minutes, he took the book and flipped it upside down, and only then did i notice that i was reading the book , inverted :)
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"The third row girl shifted to last row corner, in an empty class, for no reason?"
I nodded in agreement.
"Alex or Riri? Who?"
I looked into his eyes while water pooled in mine. My eyes were already puffy from the pressure it handled last night. Ross wiped a drop on my cheek, with his thumb.
"Let's get out of the class a lil early today"
I nodded in agreement.
I couldn't concentrate through all the lectures i tried to, and kept zoning out with each time Ross snapping his fingers as if he was somehow trying to prevent me from fainting off.
As the last bell rang to mark the end of the day, Ross helped me get up and move out. We went to the park.....where everything started....
After i sat on the bench facing the lake, Ross brought a sandwich from the shop across the park and offered it to me.
"Have this. You like like a rag"
"I can't. I don't have the energy to chew through the whole piece"
"Fine. Have a bite first, I'll wait until you complete that and have the next one while you speak out whatever you have learned by now about them"
Why was he being so patient with me? Ross and i were friends. But he was being someone,i needed and wanted without me asking him to be like that or trying to explain him what i want. Anxiety was creeping in me again. Ross suddenly took my hand and said,
"It's okay. You are safe with me, everything you share is safe with me. Please don't panic. I'll do anything you want, to have you trust me as a safe place"
Okay.
"He forgot to logout of insta last week, and yesterday i felt like surfing through the pending notifications, when Fred's and Riri's text caught my eyes".
He shifted a little. He knows.
"Hm...Then?"
I went on explaining everything i saw and read in the chat of both.
By the time i finished.... I was out of my breath, broken again from the fresh pain i felt last night.
Ross suddenly went down to his knees in front of me.
"Anna.. i need you to understand that you are safe with me. Everything you are sharing, it's absolutely safe.. however, i am sorry to you for not surfacing up everything i knew from day 1. Alex wasn't serious with you, all he ever wanted was your taste. I have tried to make him realise how wrong he is but he didn't throw a fit and now instead he had distanced himself from me, claiming that i was too moralistic by nature and that i am not anymore worth to get along with."
"I know that."
"Do you forgive me?"
"No"
"Can you give me a chance to prove myself?"
With that he took my hand and with and gave me a smile of assurance.