"I am late" i almost screamed.
"I can't go to your doorstep today, have got a lot of pending work, mom's gonna show up any minute now" Alex said.
"Oh... okay... atleast drop me off by the bus stop...?"
"Hmm" Alex hummed while stepping out of the door.
I picked up my bag and looked at the mirror one last time before leaving checking whether i was properly dressed so that nothing was making it evident that I just lost my v-card.
I locked the doors. Stepped out to see Alex already on his bike waiting. He isn't talking much. He is being distant... maybe he is annoyed....or something..... I kept on thinking...
He just....took my purity....and he is showing annoyance to me now? What did I even do? I tried hard recalling the events perfectly that happened not 10 minutes back but didn't come up with anything that could annoy him. Hence deciding not to cause any more drama, I kept my mouth shut all the way from his home till bus stop. He didn't say a word till he dropped me off.
Just as i climbed down his bike, he turned sideways, and said
"Bye, love you" and he left.
I was taken aback by the whole attitude of him just after i lost my virginity to him.
Anxiety started creeping in... Was this a mistake? Did i slip? Losing my v card isn't also making sense to him? Nothing matters?
I started walking down the street absentmindedly, and almost got hit by the truck across the signal. The driver pulled the brakes in time or else it would have been a spot accident.
I somehow managed to return home. Shut my doors and turned on the BT speaker to the full volume and fell on the bed.
I made a mistake. The biggest mistake. I thought about it in the wrong way. He isn't anywhere near to being a "man". To him .....i was.... someone to be*used* inside the four walls. The minute he steps out of the door everything changes. He is a person with polar opposite character of the person when he is inside the room. Tears flowed down my cheek. How am I ever gonna face mom if she ever gets to know about this?
I can't. I need to put an end to this misery if somehow Alex and i don't work out. I can't let my mom down letting her know about the last and the worst mistake a girl could make.
I buried my face into the pillow, as deep as possible and screamed at the top of my voice.
A few minutes passed by....my phone rang for the third time consecutively.
I got up and turned to see Ross's name flashing on the screen.
"Hello?" I blurted in a soar voice.
No response from the other side.
"You there?" I asked again, a lil louder.
"Don't say nothing or don't even try giving any lame excuse" Ross said angrily.
"What?" I asked suprised.
Did he already get to know about it? Does he hate me now? Does everyone in the world knows that i lost my v card to him? Is everyone laughing now?
My lower lip started trembling from the horrendous thoughts clouding inside my head.
"What's wrong?" Ross said....now calmly.
"Nothing"
"You have been crying miserably to which you have got a soar throat. The weather is pleasant, so do not try giving the excuse that you caught cold" he said without any pause.
"I don't feel like talking now" i said and disconnected the call.
No one knows. Okay.
I sighed in slight relief, and switched off my phone and turned to the other side of the bed.
This was a mistake. A grave mistake. I shouldn't have....
I woke up all drizzy and i felt like having a hangover.
It was morning already. I rolled over to the other side of the bed and switched on my phone.
48 missed calls, 4 voice message, countless texts over WhatsApp and the other notifications popped up one after the other causing the phone to hang .
I waited for 2-3 minutes until finally my home screen stopped popping up banners and checked the time.
It was 8:24am.
Wtffffffff?!?!
I slept through the whole evening and night?!?!
And still i felt sleepy? I got out of my bed, splashed water on my face, and took my phone to check all the call list and messages.
5 from mom.
34 from Ross at regular intervals of 15-20 minutes.
6 from Josh.
3 from Alex.
Alex called me once in the evening, once around 10 and once at 3 am. That's it?
No text , only 3calls after every 4/6 hours?
Oh.
Josh texted me countless times for the bio practical which is supposed to be collected today.
I decided to call mom first.
"Hello?mom?"
"Hm"
"Sorry i slept and my phone was switched off. I didn't do this intentionally"
"Ofc"
"Mom sorry"
" Idk what exactly you think of yourself, but you are really slipping off the edge if you feel that dad's gonna throw his money at you and you can keep on opening your legs at night to satisfy your needs with that. "
"What?"
"Do you have any idea what feels like to not being able to trace out your daughter throughout the day? I had to call up your dorm keeper to check on you at night?!!!That to also the door was locked! She had to use a spare key to check on you!"
"Oh."
"Oh??" She was already screaming at the top of her voice which was adding on to the headache.
I disconnected the call saying sorry for the last time.
She mocked me with something i am now traumatised about. That just made my plate overflow.I sat down on the floor of the veranda, letting the sun focus it's rays on my face despite of the fact that i am allergic to heat.
As usual, soon i started burning. Rashes started popping up and i sat there still with my mind absolutely blank now.
Should I end this? Is Alex least bothered? He didn't even try hard to contact me? That's all? I cried, i started crying miserably again.
My phone ringed again. Ross.
"Where the fuck have you been!"
"Asleep"
"Asleep?that's all you got?"
"What you expected a suicide news?"
"Hofffff"
He disconnected.
I felt bad. Ross is the only one now who can understand me...or atleast try....then why am I turning him down? I didn't come up with any answer.
I sat there blank with nothing left to judge or justify about. A few minutes or maybe a few hours passed, i couldn't understand, i was startled by the bang on the door. I didn't get up. I don't want to open the door and talk to anyone now .
"Anna?" a voice half screamed from the other side.
Alex.
I got up and went to the door. My lower lip started trembling....but i can't cry. He'll use it as a leverage. I took a deep breath and turned the knob.
He hugged me. Tight.
"Where have you been?" He mumbled against my ears in a shaky voice.
"I...sle"
I couldn't complete, he crashed his mouth against mine. He turned me against the wall and pushed his tight heavy body against mine.
Okay.