I sit calmly and study the cafe's account while enjoying my cup of tea. Hera and Sweet are busy with their work. The cafe will open up for business soon. They have to get ready.
Suddenly, my mind wanders a bit to the day when I and Jun had a deep talk.
***
"I admit the fault is at me as well. I put you in a confused position. If I choose to date you publicly, things will be much easier..."
We sit next to each other on the bench behind my cafe.
"Don't blame yourself, jagi. It's all in me too. I'm afraid that she will tell around about us. The agency indeed knew I was in a relationship. Still, they didn't know it was you whom I dated. Had they known, things would have been out of control again," Jun softly grabs my palm. He turns my body so we can face each other.
"I don't wanna lose you again like the last time..."
I'm still confused by that statement.
"I don't know what happened the last time. But, this time it will be different," I say.
Jun stares at me. His sight is quite personal. Like there is something that I should know but I shouldn't. My tongue itches so bad to ask. Yet, I don't know...
Words stuck in my throat again.
***
I know.
Love isn't that easy.
Especially when you date an idol like Jun. I should've known that for the first day. I can't blame anyone for my actions and decision. This is the path that I choose, and I need to bear the consequences.
Society loves to judge and make some assumptions based on what they see and hear. They never care to learn the background of the story. Prefer to create their version rather than asking. I live in that kind of society where every action is questionable.
Sometimes, I feel like I wanna challenge them but how am I gonna do it on my own?
I don't mind if people judge me. But when it comes to Jun, I wanna protect him at all costs. When I decided to be his girlfriend, the one thing that I promised myself was, that I'm gonna protect this relationship no matter what. They can spit on me, but not Jun Seo.
But right now, it seems impossible.
Better if I take care of myself first!
The phone rings and drags me back to reality.
"Hello, Black Coffee and Tea..."
"Is this Karin?"
"Karin's speaking,"
"Karin, this is Ivry..."
"Ah, hello Ivry!"
"I just wanna thank you for the lemon curd pie," I smile through the call.
"How many times did you wanna thank me, huh? If you need to pay me a thousand per each thanks, I'll become a billionaire soon!" I joke around. I can hear her faint laugh.
"Okay... Then, I guess I'll stop it. But, with one condition..."
There is a pause. I'm not sure if she's waiting for my response, or if she is thinking about something.
"Okay, shoot me," I reply after the long silence.
"Have a lunch with me. My place,"
"You cook?"
"I might end up committing arson if I do. My fave chef is here, so I think I wanna let you taste his magical creation..."
"Sounds like a date at the Disneyland!"
We both laugh.
"So, what'd you say? This Saturday?"
"Can I confirm it back with you later?"
I can't give a final decision because according to the schedule, the Hope Boys' fan meeting will be held this Saturday. Of course, I have to be there to support Jun and the gang.
"O... Okay, sure! If that's the case, can we exchange numbers?"
Ah, I almost forgot that we haven't exchanged numbers yet! I just handed out my business card, but my mobile number is not printed on the card.
"Okay, lemme grab a pen and paper," I quickly rummage through my bag.
***
That evening, I stopped by the HOPVIBE to send the sandwich and cookies order. As usual, since I have the access card, I walk straight to the practice room, where I meet Wei, Yunta, and Fun.
"Food is here!" I announce my arrival while pushing through the door with boxes of food. Yunta quickly helped me with the boxes along with two or three members from HOPPIES; the dance crew, who also helped me bring in the food for them.
"Noona! How's going?"
"Same old, same old..." I say while dropping my bag on the table. Fun helps us distribute the food to the rest of the crew and the production team.
"What's this?" I point my finger toward the tower of boxes next to the resting sofa.
"It's a door gift for fans..." I stand up and check one of the boxes. There are some small bags with mineral water; packing in exclusive packaging, and some snacks and merchandise. Must be from the sponsor.
"Where's Jun?" I ask Yunta when I notice he's not even in the practice room.
"He's with Tanya-ssi in the studio. He forgot to submit a sample of a song. So, he has to finish and send it now," says Yunta.
"I bet he can't even finish it! He got stuck at the hook part," Fun replies.
"That's because the girl can't even hit the right note! That's why..."
I frown as I silently check my phone while discreetly listening to their conversation.
"Everyone claims that she's the vocalist. More like a flop vocalist, I think!" Wei gives a crook side eyes.
"She needs practice, that's all she has to do. It's her choice since she insists Jun write a song for her. You know Jun, he never chooses an easy way!" says Fun.
"I don't know but somehow, I feel like she's been looking for a reason..."
The conversation stops all of a sudden.
I give no reaction to any of it. I know who is the girl. I saw them once. If my childish mind starts overthinking, I assume that they spend most of their time together. Jun always held a recording session at night.
That means, they spend the whole night, just the two of them. Maybe.
That's my childish, toxic thoughts that play with my heart.
I choose to ignore it.
The door's open, revealing two human beings who chat in merry. I can hear laughs and giggles coming slowly towards us. I put down my phone and glare at the noise.
"Uh oh... Here comes the trouble..." Fun quickly finishes his sandwich and stands up.
"Annyeong!"
I hear the girlish voice. It's familiar. So damn familiar!
"Oppa, where did you get the sandwich?"
I can see Yunta is pointing at me. I stand up slowly from the sofa, revealing myself to Jun and Soo Ha. When I see her hand lingering around Jun's hand, and he quickly swats her hand away, I draw a smile and grab my bag, ready to leave the room.
"Noona, are you leaving?" Wei stops me in the middle.
"I'll send the receipt to Tanya-ssi via email," I push Wei away from me and stride towards the door.
"Jagi..."
Jun pursues me from behind while calling me a few times. He manages to grab me from behind before I reach the foyer of the agency.
"Jagi, I can explain..."
"Explain what?" I smile when I turn my body and face Jun.
"It's just work..."
"I can understand. Why do you need to explain it to me?" I ask, in the most subtle way possible. But my eyes pierce straight into Jun's eyes, indicating that he should think twice before giving me the next statement.
"I swear, nothing happened between me and Soo Ha. We just finished recording and she wanted to meet the members. That's all,"
"Why do you keep explaining things to me, Jun? Am I asking? No, right? And, why do you act like you're cheating on me?"
The question makes him flustered.
"Go back to the practice room. I wanna go home..."
"Jagi, please stay... Please..."
"I'm not feeling well. I think you should leave me alone," I push Jun's hand away from me. After I saw Soo Ha hold his hand and act as if they were a couple, I felt like the hand shouldn't touch mine anymore.
I leave the agency with a broken heart. Now, I don't know if I should run alongside Jun.
Or, should I stop now?