"I have this situation happened here," I explain myself to Jun. It's been two days since our last call. Marking the date, the silence starts from the day we parted away from the night outing. Since day night, I didn't even call him, not pick up his call. I'm too busy taking care of Khittan.
"You could've at least replied to my text. I'm worried!" he looks frustrated. I don't blame him for that. It's all my fault.
I can't understand myself for these past two days. I pay no interest in talking with anyone, even my friends. I'm too devoted to taking care of Khittan, focusing on his health and well-being.
"Khittan just got recovered from a high fever,"
"Noona, why would you care? He got his medical team! And servants, too..."
"They were gone by the time I came back from that outing. And his medical team only arrived 24 hours after I informed his condition," I reply, giving him excuses that are not fake.
But still, I can see the dissatisfaction in Jun's eyes.
"Please understand, Jun. I don't want him to die in my care,"
"Yeah, he's your future king. How can you ignore that?"
Sarcastic.
"Jun, if it's not Khittan, still I will take care of the person diligently. It's a matter of life and death,"
"Our situation is also a matter of life and death,"
"Jun, I'm not joking..."
"Me too. Am I laughing now?"
Shut.
"Noona, I was in deep concern after that night. Luckily, the agency managed to stop the news even before it got leaked online. I thought you got punished because you ran away..." he scoffs. " But I guess my concern does not even matter anymore," he continues as he swipes back his hair.
"Jun... I'm so sorry okay? Please understand the issue that I need to deal with!"
"All I can see is you slowly drifting away..."
I can see where this conversation leads to.
"Jun, stop overthinking..."
"I committed to my feelings, Karin Noona. How about you? Did you commit to us?" his question makes me think hard.
"Jun..."
"You can't even decide whether you accept my proposal or not. You keep saying that you want me to focus on my future. But, you're a part of my future as well! So why don't you just accept me? What's with the pause?" Jun starts pushing me.
"Jun, it's not the right time to..."
"I don't fucking care about the comeback! The team had done their part. I know how to handle myself, I'm not a rookie anymore!" Jun gets even more mad. "Right now, all I want is you. Only you. So, please..."
I keep my response to myself now. If I dare to spill it, I might lose Jun forever or probably hurt him even more. I do love Jun, but right now I'm in a mess. I can't even think straight, nor decide for our future as a couple anymore.
"Noona, I want you. I'm serious about us!"
"Jun, you have to focus on your career now. That's even more important than us. You have a group in line and reputation as well," I try to pull the string back one more time.
"Don't remind me of that, it's my job. I just want to know if you're ready for the commitment," he says in a stern voice.
"Jun, it's not the right time for that!"
"Noona, do you love me or not?"
I pause for a moment. Trying to choose the correct word for that.
"Listen Noona, even if you don't I will never stop making you fall for me. My love isn't a joke anymore. Right now, I'm falling fast and hard. So, please reconsider my feelings as well," both of us stare at each other. Somehow... I don't know... Is it because of the current circumstance or it's just a pressure by Jun, I feel slightly suffocated.
"You press on me, Jun..." I slightly warn him. I can see his reaction change, from stress to regret.
"I don't... I just... Sorry, Noona. It's just... I don't wanna lose you. We're so far away right now. And you happen to live with that man. I'm trying to understand, but it's hard for me. I never meant to force you to love me. Sorry..."
"It's fine. Don't be sorry. I guess maybe I'm tired as well. It's not your fault. I know how it feels," I quickly kill off the guilt.
"Okay, how about this... I'm going for the Euro Tour in two days. The tour will last perhaps for two weeks. I give you some time to think, and by the time I come back from the tour, you can give me the answer," Jun sounds a little bit calm.
"Like how?"
"Wait for me at the airport if you agree. I assume your existence at the airport by the time we arrive from the Euro Tour is a yes," I sigh. This might be a great idea since perhaps I need some time to think about the future of this relationship.
"Fine then. See ya in two weeks. Take care okay?" I bid goodbye.
"Karin Noona..." Jun pauses a bit.
"Yes?"
"I hope I can see you at the airport," he says, eyes full of hope. I brace myself and nod while smiling at him.
My hope is the same, Jun.