My mind was conflicted with multiple thoughts. Should I really continue on living when Catherine's not even here? I looked for years and found everything, except for her. What if this is a part of the price that I had to pay? Is she really having a new life at the time? Will I be able to see her once more? Even just for a moment? Was that too selfish again?
"Cath…I want to see you."
Those words came out of my mouth every single day without fail. The world had lost its colours and turned terrifyingly monotonous. Despite all of that, I dragged on my life all the way to the Scourge once again. Maybe, just maybe, I could see her again there. Just like before. I looked for many ways to strengthen my light attribute. Probably this time, I could save her? I held onto that faint string of hope and lived.
In this life, I took action and prevented a few tragedies based on my memories. I saved the child that was supposed to die in a monsters' den, one that was told by the guild members before. Catherine would want this, too. The boy turned out to be the the missing child of Viscount Everglen, but they don't seem to be very welcoming even towards their own son. After deciding to be knighted by the Leonhart, the Everglen boy had stuck to my side since then. What a hassle.
When I was 19, I even stopped the death of the Leonhart's couple, but it only lengthened their life by one more year. The enemy had came up with another plan and still got them assassinated. Hence, I had to take on the title as the head of Leonhart in this life, too. Given my past experiences, it wasn't as hard to manage the administrative works. But seeing the grieving little Leonhart's heir for the second time hurts just as much as the first. I never even know of my biological parents so I wouldn't exactly understand what it felt like to lose one. Thinking back, I never really tended to the boy before as I was more focused on my search for Catherine and adapting to the responsibilities.
I should pay more attention to the little heir this time.
In combats and battles, I was called the genius swordsman, though it's only because of my past memories. I wonder what would they say if they got the chance to see Catherine's skill, too? She'll be a great warrior, just like before. Had she lived, she'll be the dame of Leonhart after the Scourge. That title suits her.
Catherine. Despite not being here, I could never completely erase her presence. Her room in the dormitory. I purposely left it empty, had it cleaned once in awhile and maintained for years. I even prepared a uniform of her size, for no specific reason. Even after years had passed, I never really accepted the fate and continued to hope for another encounter with her. Be it a brief one or long. Even a few seconds would suffice. I won't be greedy anymore.
Many admired me, said that I had everything. Too bad, I don't have the only thing I wanted.
"All troops stay behind, I will hunt the demon king by myself," I ordered.
"Yes, Commander!" The knights responded without a doubt.
I made my way towards the castle on my own. The fight that was previously so difficult felt a lot easier the second time. However, taking on such a large number of monsters exerts a lot of pressure on myself.
*It won't be too bad to die here, right?*
The thought crossed my mind as I slashed and slaughtered. The monster's blood splashed all over, staining my body with the sticky black and purple liquid. The roars of the dying beast filled my ears, the cold bones of the undead wrapping my legs and the large and intimidating interior of the dark castle filling my view. After what felt like forever, I finally arrived by the throne room.
*Behind that door, will there be Catherine?* I thought, a glint of hope tugging onto my heart.
My hand pushed open the tall and heavy door. The familiar sight of the surrounding reminded me of the horrible thing I had done before. Right in this exact place, but in different life line, I had killed my own saviour. It was nauseating. My legs began to lose its strength so I held onto the edge of the door. From the corner of my eye, I saw the shadow throne. After steadying myself, I gathered my courage and looked up at it. Sitting there, looking at me was a familiar face with the appearance of a demon king. Horns and jet black wings, just like before. But that's definitely not Catherine. Slim figure and an unreadable expression. The demon king silently gazed upon me.
"Still the man of few words, aren't you?" I sighed as I unsheathed my sword. The roars of the light ether echoed through the space. "Shall we end this now…..Andrew?"
Once he got up to his feet, I launched my first attack at him. The light stretched from my sword and slashed through the demon king. However, he was fast to react. The attack didn't actually hit him but had only cut through his illusion. A dummy. The fight was intense yet not a word was uttered by any of us. Seems like the Andrew in this life had been chosen as the vessel from the absence of Catherine. Despite not being acquainted with him in this life, I am still indebted to him from the last life. Maybe I could try and save him?
The demon king casted a spell and bounded me inside a shadow dome. While being trapped in there, memories of Catherine's death kept on replaying like a broken record.
-It's…painful, Lucius. So much….. yet it doesn't let me die. Please…. free me…
I watched the scene exasperatedly. I've seen it a lot in my dreams, yet it never felt better. Those fading lights of her eyes, one that's slipping through my grasp mercilessly. It's unbearable. Be it the hundredth time or thousandth, I could never truly bear such a sight. I was about to lose my breath from the distress when suddenly, the dome cracked and I regained my senses. I could see the demon king being bothered by something from the gaps. At the moment of distraction, I immediately lunged out of the incomplete trap and stabbed him right through the heart. My sword roared once more, shaking the space with the intensity of it when I unleashed the last light mana remaining.
*This one is dangerous, he could use the 'Hallucination' effect. I might not be able to control him if I let him live. It's not worth the risk,* I thought.
"I'm sorry, Andrew. It must've been torturous to live with the dark attribute, right? Get some rest," I said, pulling out the sword from his chest and slowly laid him down onto the ground. "Now….should I take off, too?"
The tip of the sword pointed towards myself. It's proven that I'd never be able to see her even if I continued to live. The Scourge was my last hope. If I am fortunate enough, I might see her again in the afterlife. My sun, my saviour. Of course, this hell of a place wouldn't be suitable for such a being like her. Why would I hope for her to return here? I should wait somewhere better. So, please, Catherine;
"Please find me again like how you did before."
Just as the sword grazed my own throat, I saw someone passing by the entrance of the throne room. Being caught off guard, my focus turned somewhere else. That's when I felt the tremendous pain of my cut-opened abdomen. The distraction had caused my grip to loosen and I accidentally dropped the sword. Even my vision turned blurry.
-What are you doing?
-Hop on, or do you want a bridal carry instead? You don't seem like in a good shape.
I was in disbelief when I saw her up close. This is her, right?
-….who are you?
-Man, you don't even remember a beautiful knight like me? I'm Catherine, a knight of your march.
My heart throbbed as she told me that. She's really back?
*Ah….I'm finally…*
-You're plain looking.
-Shut it, that's a sensitive issue for people like me that you won't ever get.
*….I'm finally home,* I thought, gripping onto her tightly as if to not lose her again. When she dashed out of the dark castle, I realised that this time, she got her dream wind attribute. I couldn't help but smiled slightly from the joyful discovery. *My wish was truly granted.*
-Oh, you know, I met a dragon before. A beautiful one at that!
-….dragon?
*Did it came to see the fruit of its labour? Not that it mattered. I'm just grateful that it returned her back to me.*
I let out a small sigh of relief, finally feeling peaceful while resting on the firm back of my trusted saviour. She's always there when I needed her. How many times had I been rescued by her? I've lost count of it already. The familiar warmth of her, this familiar feeling, she is by no doubt the Catherine I had been waiting. My sun.
After a while, I tried to converse with Catherine again. To be completely honest, I had missed our old banters. How she'll scrunch her face up whenever she's dissatisfied with me, how she'll return my comments with her own original remarks, how she wears her heart on her sleeves. Catherine had always been an honest being and that's what special about her. Even now, there's barely any difference in her behaviour but I realised that she didn't remember anything from our previous life. Another peculiar thing was her usage of unfamiliar terms such as a 'Golden Retriever'.
*Was she in another world before?*
That is the most plausible answer to escape from her fate. The people around us doesn't seem too shocked about her sudden appearance, either. Had their memories been altered?
*That dragon sure had some fun after a few thousands years of living, it seems.*
However, maybe this is better. There's no need for her to remember all those sufferings she went through in the last life, it is not worth it. I want her to live a happy life, doing everything she ever wanted instead. As for our past memories together, I will be the one to cherish it, that would suffice.
This time, I won't lose her anymore and I'll keep her safe by my side no matter what. I promise that.