Astrid stretched herself awake, rolling her shoulders and arching her back, then suddenly jolted up. Her glance went directly to the bed, and sure enough, it was empty. How did Vevina sneak out without her hearing it? She shook her head and coughed a laugh, recalling how Astrid intended to teach her to move about unnoticed and that she apparently already possessed the skill.
Astrid stood with a stretch again, working the stiffness out of her back and legs, and stopped abruptly, glancing down at the blanket. She stared at the crumpled piece of wool and fought to remember.
It hit her like a punch to the gut, and she almost stumbled back from the blow. She had woken in the middle of the night, her blanket pulled up over her shoulders, the fire stroked, and thought she had seen her wife peeking at her over the edge of the bed.
Had she tucked the blanket over her?
She scooped up the blanket and rubbed the soft wool between her fingers. Astrid recalled kicking it off her and shivering, the ambers dying in the hearth. She cursed herself for having forgotten to stroke the fire last night. She'd drowned her sorrows and her desire for her wife in too much drink. Astrid had given Vevina a choice last night, why, she couldn't say, and she'd rejected her, and it hurt Astrid more than she wanted to admit, more than she wanted to feel.
Astrid drank after that with her brothers and father, arguing over the search for Rohan until, in disgust, she left them and stumbled to her room.
Astrid collapsed before the hearth after stripping off her shirt and discarding her sandals and pulled the blanket over her body.
She remembered the dreams, no, the nightmares, of her capture. Her time finding her way home haunted her mercilessly and forever disturbed her sleep.
Astrid shook the hazy thoughts from her mind to clear her head for a more vivid recall. Her findings startled her, actually had her thinking she was crazy for believing what she remembered.
Her wife had seen to her care. She had covered her with the blanket and stroked the fire. Astrid had hardly been a good person to her, and yet Vevina'd tended to her.
She had ignored her, spoken carelessly to her, and still she looked after Astrid.
She was Astrid's wife and that was her duty. Astrid shook her head. She couldn't say she knew Vevina well, but she felt as if she knew something about Vevina, that she cared and had a good heart.
She was a good, honest woman. Why then had Astrid rejected her? She growled, the rumble coming deep from her chest until it burst forth like an angry snarl. Why did she fight herself? Why deny her wife? Why deny a good life?
Rohan.
She felt responsible for her brother's capture and could not escape the guilt. She did not deserve to live, to have a good life, until she found her brother and set things right. She didn't deserve Vevina and her kind nature, but she did deserve to be protected. And if she wasn't around to protect her, then she wanted to make sure she could protect herself.
Today her wife would have her first lesson in self-defense.
Astrid dressed, though did not hurry. She knew that Vevina would not be far, and whether on the moor, in the kitchen, or in the sewing room, she would be alone. In a way, she was much like Astrid of late, seeking solitude, putting herself at a distance from others.
They were a pair, the two of them, unlikely pair but matching nonetheless. Astrid almost chuckled at the thought. If she was honest with herself, she'd admit that Vevina had brought a smile to her face on several occasions.
She quickly lost the smile. There was no time for frivolity. She had her search for Rohan to concentrate on , and to make certain her wife knew how to protect herself.
Arthur was at the table in front of the hearth when she entered the great hall, which was near empty. The few who remained quickly took their leave when she joined her brother. It was obvious that Arthur had purposely waited for Astrid.
"Do I get to eat before you pounce on me with questions?" Astrid asked, sitting across from her twin.
Arthur grinned. "Now you sound like the sister I knew."
"She is no more," Astrid snapped.
"I disagree. My sister may battle foes unknown to me, but she is still my sister, and I would fight to the death beside her, whether asked or not."
"I can fight my own battles," Astrid argued.
"I recall fighting more often together with you than separate."
"What do you want from me?" Astrid asked irritably.
"I want my sister to return."
"I have," Astrid said curtly.
Arthur shook his head. "No, you haven't. You keep to yourself, ignoring Vevina and sulk..."
"I do not sulk..."
"You sulk like a spoiled girl."
"I warn you, Arthur, watch your words."
"Does the truth hurt you?"
"What do you know of the truth?" Astrid snarled, her fisted knuckles turning white.
"Enlighten me," Arthur challenged.
Astrid near snorted with anger. How dare her brother disrespect her? How dare he judge her?
She released a deep breath, and with it went some of her anger, though not all, for that would take time. And then there was the beast inside her, which could very well reside there permanently. What she did know was that Arthur didn't deserve her anger, that he sought an explanation. But she wasn't certain yet if she could give her twin an adequate one, or if she was even ready to discuss with him.
Arthur had always been the sensible one. The brother who reasoned and found solutions on many occasions when others thought there were none.
"You wouldn't understand," Astrid said, returning her attention to her brother.
"I have before. What makes you believe this time would be any different?"
"Because it is different."
"Why, because you say so? Share this burden that so obviously weighs on your shoulders with me so that I may help you carry it."
"This time you can't help me."
"Hear what you say, sister. We help each other since we were little. We may argue, even throw punches on occasion, but we always look out for each other."
"I should have done that for Rohan too," Astrid said.
"You are not Rohan's keeper. Stop pitying yourself and be the Astrid that I once knew." Arthur stood with a shake of his head and walked out of the great hall.
Astrid didn't follow her brother's departure, she turned instead to gaze aimlessly at the hearth. And for the first time since her return, she didn't want to feel alone. She wanted to find her wife and teach her to survive n case she could not be there for her, in case she failed her, as she had her brother.
Astrid found her in the stable with a little of pups about five weeks old. She laughed as they scampered over her crossed legs and tumbled around in the hay. Their tiny tails wagged joyously and their brave barks were nothing more then a squeak.
Vevina scooped up an all black puppy, a plump on e that she seemed to favor as the pup did her. She cuddled it in her lap, and it jumped up against her chest, licking her face, and she cuddled the dog to her breasts and planted kisses on his face.
Astrid waited in the shadow. When the pup scampered closer to her, its little backside raised in the air with tail wagging, small paws stretched out in front of her while it challenged Vevina with a bark, Astrid scooped the puppy up.
The little fellow was so shocked it took him a moment to attack Astrid's fingers with tiny teeth that could not break the skin. He squirmed and protested with barks, but his efforts were futile. He was captured.
"You're upsetting him," Vevina said, hurrying to her feet, the other puppies sensing danger and running off to hide.
"Be still," Astrid ordered the puppy harshly, and the animal froze with fright.
"You're frightening him," Vevina accused, and rushed to Astrid. "Let him go."
In a second Vevina was captured as the pup had been. Astrid had her arm tight against her neck and another arm tight around her waist, her back plastered tight against her body. The pup was on the ground bravely trying to help Vevina, nipping at Astrid's sandals and barking.
Astrid gave him a gentle shove with her foot and the little fellow cried and ran off.
Vevina elbowed Astrid in the rib and hit her mark. Astrid cried in pain but didn't let go of her.
"Brave but stupid," Astrid said in her ear. "Now you've angered your captor, and they will retaliate by punishing you."
"You were going to hurt the pup," Vevina accused.
"You cared nothing for your safety, you merely thought of the pup, and that was why I was able to capture you so easily. You didn't think it through. You simply charged forward in anger. First rule of battle, do not let anger rule. It is an unwise leader."
Astrid felt her relax against her once she realized her actions were meant to teach. Astrid gripped her more tightly and she gasped, yanking at her arm at her throat. "Never let your defenses down when in the presence of your foe," she said and released her abruptly.
She stumbled away, the black puppy appearing at her side to bark at Astrid, though from beneath the safety of Vevina's brown skirt.
"Quiet!" Astrid commanded, and the pup vanished beneath the skirt.
"When he grows, the pup will protect me," Vevina said in the little dog's defense.
"Only if you teach him as I teach you."
Vevina hesitated. "I would like that, to teach the pup."
"To make him yours?" Astrid asked.
"Yes, he is mine," Vevina said. Astrid felt a ridiculous twinge of jealousy. How could she be jealous of a puppy? "If that would be all right with you?"
Astrid wished her wife was strong enough to claim the pup as hers no matter what she said, then realized that had been her intention all along. She merely wanted Astrid to believe she sought her approval.
She smiled, realizing she knew her wife better than she'd thought. "You would do it anyway, wouldn't you?"
Vevina reached down, scooped up the pup from beneath her skirt and hugged him against her breast. The little fellow delighted in the attention and cuddled closer to her. "Yes, I would. He's irresistible."
"Teach him to protect you and he is yours," Astrid challenged.
"He will learn along with me," she said with confidence, though the kisses she rained over her face had Astrid doubting and that twinge of jealousy nipping sharply at her once again. This is ridiculous, Astrid thought to herself.
"We start now. The pup is too young. Once weaned off his mother there will be time to start training him."
Vevina nodded and smiled at the pup, which was too playful for her to continue to hold. She placed him on the ground and he scampered off to join the other pups in play.
"Aright, so what's my lesson for today?"