[It's hard to imagine the things you've never seen… but I'll try to escape into this possibility.]
I wake up in the middle of the night, cold, and hear a quiet knocking on my motel's front door.
I get out of bed to go over to the door in my casual clothes that I use as sleep wear.
Once I open the door, I'm greated by a beautiful stranger.
"Welcome.", she says.
"…", I'm confused, because wouldn't I be the one who's supposed to welcome her?
But, honestly, I feel more like I'm being peer pressured into expecting myself to welcome her, even though she's a complete stranger who's saying and doing strange things in the middle of the night.
"Who? What? Why? Who?"
"You said who twice."
"Stop it with the retorts and just state your business please…"
"Haven't you noticed anything?"
"Hm? You can't just introduce yourself as if you're continuing a conversation I was never apart of, please, just state your business or leave me be…", I begin to close the door to rush her.
She stops me, and she says, "We are continuing, you and I are in 'this' together.".
"Then will you just-"
"Give you some context… I know, I'm getting to that, just slow down a bit, will you?"
I decide to step outside bear foot on the wooden porch and close the door behind me.
As I do, I begin to become aware of something that I should have from the moment I woke up…
"Welcome."
"Ah, so that's what you mean…"
I can't remember anything.
I have no identity or sense of the world, and yet, I still hold onto some expectations for whatever reason.
This is really strange, but I guess I'm the one being introduced here instead of the other way around.
She didn't intrude in on my life, it's more like intruded in on hers'.
"So, do you remember anything yourself as to why we are at a motel and who we are?"
"I was awake for much longer than you having just woken up a moment ago, so I have some sort of sense of direction in the context of this situation that I have some sort of picture of."
"Ok, then lay it on me."
The two of us seem to lack personalities, efficiently responding to each experience of our conversation in a purely logical way.
I wonder why that is?
"When I woke up, I was lying on my bed in the room neighbouring yours, and I also didn't become aware of the fact I had no memories until after stepping outside of the room like you did.
However, what made me decide to leave the room was, instead of another person, but 'something' that grabbed my attention.
I felt like I was obligated of sorts to check what was outside, rather than anything truly personal, as if I was going through the motions of a responsibility that has nothing to do with what I myself actually wants."
"So kind of like how people without dreams of their own go to work everyday despite feeling lost?"
"Exactly like that, yes."
"Hmmm, well, as lifeless of a beginning that is for you, I sort of felt the same way towards you, although, I did have some 'reactions' to associate you with after seeing what I was dealing with, a human, a girl, a beautiful girl at that. But those reactions are to be expected for someone like me."
"Someone like you?"
"Well, I noticed that I lack a personality right now, so I rely on expectations that appear to persist pre-amnesia to be able to respond to the world in the same way that the previous me would have, even though none of these responses feel honest or sensible."
"Hmmm, I get your point. I also had reactive associations when noticing that there was someone next door to me, especially after figuring out that he was a man and that he was in the same situation as me."
"I wonder what being a man or woman associates with in order to have these sort of 'impulses'?"
"I don't know, but I don't want to waste my energy with the philosophies and just start living life and adapting into a normal person in response to the truly personal/significant memories I make. I suggest you do the same."
"Ok, I'll try and make my mind silent."
"Ok, we'll see how well that goes."
…
Me and her then get off the porch, walk on the hard, cold, black concrete, and peak around at the car that is parked infront of the small motel.