Two weeks passed, and everything seemed normal. I stayed indoors since it was summer break. Wasn't much of an outgoing person, yet the thought came to my mind to visit Dylan." I won't call him, let me surprised him, that'll be so romantic" I thought.
I got dressed and walked a distance to his house, which was a bit farther than I thought. Reaching out my hands, I knocked on the door . The caretaker walked up to me- she ushered me in and I went straight to his room . Walking through the corridor I stared at the beautiful portrait of paintings on the walls.
As I approached a few doors away from his room, I could hear strange feminine voices moaning so loud. My heart pounding twice as fast, I forced the door open with quivering hands, only to see Dylan having a threesome with my very best friends.
I couldn't believe my eyes as shock spread over my face. Dylan stammered, unable to put his words together."…Anna what are you doing here?. A sudden gush of tears plastered my cheeks while i quietly closed the door . Staggering between my now limp feet. Sarah tried to catch up with me but the anger in my eyes forbade her to.
Walking home with my head bowed slightly down, I could hear the thunder and lightning strike following a massive outpour of rain. It felt like even the clouds were weeping for me as I was drenched in rain.
I got into my room soaked wet,pulling off my clothes, i crawled up into my blanket and sobbed. Once again, I was back to my dark cage ,all alone . I wondered why my best friends could betray me.I wished it was all a bad dream and I was just caught up in my own emotions, but it wasn't.
I couldn't meet my mom or dad. Crying my eyes out felt like the only viable option. I screamed, unable to withhold my pain anymore. I felt sad as I wrote my heart out in a poem.
"It is said that love is a true feeling of affection
but why does it feel like it's hurting?
why don't you love me like you said you did?
why do this tears drop from my pleading eyes?
why do I hurt so much?
please explain to me why I feel this way...
I am in love with you
I don't think you understand it.
I want to be by your side but you push me away
I value you more than you do to me...
Words cannot explain the sadness I feel
when we are apart
But you still don't get it!
I love u
Is that so hard for you to understand?
I hate that I love you..
and can't stop thinking about you
I am not asking for the world..
All I'm asking is for a true companion and friend..
Please can you be that person?
but I guess not...
You don't love me...
You never did..
And u never will...
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The pills in my drawer were not far away, so with shaky hands, I reached out to them for help. I took them in and after I while; I felt calmer ,more relaxed, smiling. Gosh! It felt so good, like I was literally above the clouds .
I laid on my bed, half conscious as I was freaking high and I wanted to stay that way. Away from the unbearable pain, higher than anything. I could only think of it as paradise. Pretty soon I drove off to sleep .
Walking out of bed in the morning was a difficult task. With the migraine and body pain I felt, that was extremely almost impossible. Finally, i got up after many attempts for over 30 minutes, my head was spinning as I was still dizzy. Getting to the bathroom was another problem I had to tackle.
After breakfast, I took a walk around the house, the breeze blowing lightly .I thought about Dylan. What he must be doing. "why did you do this to me Dylan?I couldn't find answers to these questions as my heart was unclear.
I returned with coffee, went to my room, and recalled memories with Dylan while looking out the window. I just couldn't get his name off my head no matter how much i tried.
Every night I had nightmares, mostly about Dylan having sex with my friends and making fun of me . I cried and screamed as their taunts echoed. Waking up, it felt like my mind kept repeating what my heart already knew.
I became more withdrawn than I ever was. I couldn't care less and I didn't see the need to get dressed .I stayed in panties and slept that way with a covered blanket.
Unknown to me, Brandon closely stared at me at night. He sneaked up into my room to feel my skin. As usual I drowned myself in pills ,half conscious, but I could feel his hands on my butt and his moaning noises. I didn't have much strength to push him away and when I turned my body ,he quickly left my room .
It happened for weeks and made me more anxious. I was still not over the heartbreak when it felt like something big was coming.
I felt very uneasy, so I decided to put my lamp on even when I went to bed. I couldn't risk it. I tried to tell Mom but she wouldn't believe me." oh Anna, you must be hallucinating, that strange head of yours is letting you go nuts" she said. I just knew she was of no help, so much for trying.
I couldn't tell nanny cause I was scared she'd think the same and besides I didn't think she could do anything about it so I kept it to myself, dead inside.
Feeling anxiety and fear of the unknown with not much say, I wrote down a poem.
" I am scared ,really scared
someone please save me
For I am in fear
I am screaming, but no one hears me
how long shall I be ignored?
I am scared, really scared. .
I need a saviour,for I am dying
please hurry,for my soul is crying
People abandon me, lest you think I'm lying
For each day, my heart weakens
And slowly my faith is fading..
I am scared, really scared
someone save me, for I am in fear.."
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