"It was practically a cultural expectation." he answered me as we left the driveway. "I was a shy nerd when we entered high school. But by the time I left… There wasn't a student in my grade that didn't share my love of the cinema."
"I thought it was genetic." I spoke softly, referring to my shy awkwardness. Dad nodded sympathetically.
"When you enter high school, you don't really know who you are. If you do, you're doing something wrong. Above all, you're going to be finding yourself and coming out of your shell over the next four years." He told me. "If you're anything like I was, you're going to have a hard time talking to people at first, but stick with the right people, and you'll become a social butterfly in no time."
"Thanks, dad." I smiled at him while he kept driving. He kept his eyes on the road.
"Also if you're anything like I was, you're going to find yourself occasionally involved in some serious shit, pardon the language. Never lose your head, and please always do the right thing, if anything like that should happen." He continued. "Not that I think you're the type. I just know how high school is. I lived through it, you know, and still remember it. 'Old man' is a purely figurative title."
"I'll take your words to heart." I said seriously, as he stopped the car at a red light. He turned to me and gave me what he never gave anyone, a small smile. I never really saw this side of dad before, given how years of being alone at school made me content with being alone at home, holed up in my room. Even so far, I was glad I went to the dance. It made me really grateful to have my dad.
***
When I got there, after waving dad goodbye as he drove off, I walked up the school steps to find Megan already waiting there. She waved slightly as she saw me, nervously tapping her one foot on the ground. She wore a one-piece lime green suit, with matching flats and a bit of glitter strewn across her face. Behind her, attached to her back, were a pair of fairy wings and in her hand she held a wand with a green star on the end.
I walked up to her. "You look beautiful." I said, eyeing her costume up and down.
"Thanks." she replied softly. "You don't look so bad yourself."
I smiled, but didn't reply as I just looked at the floor for a few seconds. Looking back up, I looked behind her to see the halls of the school. Phil was inside, dressed (really intricately, may I add) as The Incredible Hulk. He flashed me a thumbs-up when he saw me.
While flashing a thumbs-up back at Phil, I asked Megan, "Has anyone showed up yet?"
"No one who's not on Council." She answered me. I started to wonder if May would show up. I turned her down, but would she still show up? Would it be awkward if she showed up and I had to deal with her ticket? Would she be mad at me?
"I guess it's just the two of us, huh?" Megan asked me softly, taking a step towards me.
Lost in my own world of thoughts of May, I absent-mindedly replied, "Yeah, I guess." I didn't notice her look down again and take a step back. As my mind became clear again, people were starting to show up.
Once people started to show up, for about fifteen minutes straight people were steadily arriving, and Megan and I didn't really have an opportunity to talk or take any kind of break. After those fifteen minutes though, barely anybody new was showing up and after we were at the doors for a total of twenty-two minutes, a grade 12 poked his head through the doors. I recognized him as Eli from yesterday. He was dressed as the Matt Smith rendition of Doctor Who.
"Hey! Phil wanted me to tell you guys that you're free to join the dance now. I'll be hanging around the doors at the coat rack anyway, so I can make sure the doors are guarded." he said. I was really expecting his voice to be British, and it almost frustrated me to hear that it wasn't.
"Okay, thanks." Megan smiled at him. He nodded and went back inside. She turned to me. "Do you wanna dance, Adam?"
"Uh, sure!" I answered her. I wish May had asked me that, I thought to myself as we entered the school. She grabbed my hand and led me through the halls, right up to the gymnasium doors. Right as we stepped inside, I was instantly overwhelmed.
People were everywhere. Most of them were in costumes, all of them were moving in one way or another, and you barely had any room to breathe. Everyone was touching someone or other in some way or another, and I'm sure some people were taking advantage of this fact. There was grinding and vaguely sexual activity everywhere. I guess not a lot has changed since grade 8.
Megan led me through the sea of people and once we found a place that wasn't packed like a sardine can, we began dancing. Well, I use the term 'dancing' loosely – I have no sense of rhythm, and the social awkwardness I lugged around with me like a ball and chain wasn't doing me any favors. Still, I tried to dance with her, and eventually we settled on what teenagers usually constitute as 'dancing' – bobbing up and down.
This continued for a good few minutes until I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I didn't recognize it immediately, but it begged for me to take a closer look. I looked over to my left and immediately felt a sharp pain.
It was May, dressed like what looked to be some kind of cat. I guess when I wasn't paying attention, she gave her ticket to Megan. It angered me slightly that she didn't even bother to say hi, but that didn't anger me nearly as much as how she was dancing with another guy. His face was hidden and I couldn't make out who it was, but I didn't care. I felt betrayed, as absurd as that sounds. She just went to the dance with someone else, like I didn't matter.
I couldn't bear to look at them, but my eyes lingered. Their bodies were pressed too closely together, and her beautiful hazel eyes were clearly locked on him, someone so undeserving of those beautiful eyes.
When I managed to tear my gaze away from them, my thoughts returned to myself. Whoever this guy was, he had beaten me. He had won. Hell, who was I kidding? He was probably easily better looking and more confident. It wouldn't be much of a stretch to assume that. May probably deserved someone like that anyways. Definitely not someone like me. I was dirty. No, I was lower than dirt. I was Adam god damn Watson.
Anger, disappointment, pity and every other emotion found in the dictionary of angst filled me. Not even able to communicate further with Megan, I sprang for the exit to the gym, looking for a bit of time to myself. Megan, of course, followed me with every step, no doubt confused as hell.
Even exiting the gym wasn't enough. There were still people in the school, and I wanted to completely be alone with my thoughts. I marched straight towards the exit, before Eli stopped me.
"Once you leave, you can't come back in. No exceptions, even if you're council." he told me. I gave him my most convincing smile of understanding, and barged past him out the doors. Megan still diligently followed. After a while, I spotted a patch of grass near the school's entrance and plopped down on it, sighing angrily. Megan sat down hesitantly next to me.
"What's wrong?" I heard her ask timidly, but I couldn't find the energy to answer. I noticed I was still wearing my stupid fangs and cape, and without hesitation, took them off and stuffed them in my pockets.
"Did I do something wrong?" There was something new in her voice: Fear. I didn't want her to be upset, so I answered.
"No, you didn't." I said, with a little less empathy than I would have liked. "Just overwhelmed. Dances and crowds and stuff."
"Oh, okay." She answered, before continuing in a more quiet voice. "I actually kinda prefer it out here. You know, no dancing, no other people… Just the two of us."
"Yeah." I answered absent-mindedly. I don't get it. What went wrong? Why would May just go with someone else like that if she already asked me? Was she that non-committed?
"You know, I was going to tell you something, but I think it's actually better to tell you here than at the dance." Megan continued to speak, her voice getting even softer than it was, as impossible as I thought that was.
"Oh yeah?" I asked her, not paying attention, wishing she'd stop talking. It wasn't that I didn't like her company, I just wanted to be alone. Why couldn't she see that? Maybe I shouldn't have said yes. No, scratch that. I definitely should not have said yes.
"So I know we don't know each other that well, and we've barely said anything to each other, but you're really cute." she said timidly. "And I like how you're reserved and proper… Most guys are too confident and talk-y… It kind of overwhelms me."
"Mhm." I replied, not paying attention. God dammit, I wish I had the confidence most guys have. I wish I could talk more easily. Then I could have asked May out to the dance earlier… And everything would be better. Being shy and reserved was just a complete curse. It did me no favors.
"I… I like you, Adam. Like… like like." Megan continued.
my brain went click. Shit, how long was Megan talking? How the hell did we get to this topic?! Oh, god damn it, I was not ready to deal with this, especially right now.
Okay, don't panic. What do I say?? I've never had to turn anyone down before. It honestly felt kind of weird, yet kind of… nice, as awful as that sounds. At least someone liked me for myself, even though they weren't the right one… I breathed in and out a few times before beginning.
"Gee, Megan… That's really sweet, and I appreciate that. Really, I do. But I'm just starting grade 9, and so are you. I don't know if I'm really ready for a committed relationship like that right now. You know, with emotions and stuff. I don't want to end up hurting you. You're a great girl though, and you'll make a guy really happy someday."
Was the word I said genuine? I had no freaking clue. I just needed some time alone to my thoughts, and figured this was enough to let her down easily. I mean, girls like it when you respect their feelings, right? I couldn't imagine that NOT being true, and when I looked at Megan, she wasn't crying or anything. She wasn't happy either, but she still smiled.
"I understand, Adam. Thanks for being so honest with me." She said, continuing her smile. "And I hope you feel ready soon. I… I wanna make you happy. Not some guy, you."
I couldn't even hear her anymore, but could tell she was finished with her sentence, so I turned and smiled at her, still fuming at May on the inside. Shit. How could she do this to me? I needed to turn to a trusted friend, someone who's helped me through this kind of stuff. I took my phone out of my pocket and texted Nicole immediately.
Hey, are you leaving soon? I could use a ride. I got used to being more bold with her. Normally, I could never ask someone for a ride, let alone ask like that, let alone in the middle of a dance. But I was more comfortable around her than anyone else, and that's exactly what I needed right now.
Almost instantly she replied. Thought you'd never ask. Meet me in the car, at the back entrance.
I smiled internally. Thanks, Nicole. Feigning shock at my phone, I blurted out, "Oh crap!" I looked at Megan. "Um, sorry, my dad's here. Mind if we cut this a bit short?"
Megan smiled weakly. "It's fine. It's not like I can go back inside anyway, so we might as well."
Oh, right. We couldn't go back inside. I looked again at Megan, who continued her weak smile. I felt legitimately bad for her, and decided to do something about it. "Well, hey… I enjoyed our time together tonight. Do you have a cell phone?"
Instantly, her smile turned genuine. "Yeah, I do." she replied, suddenly really happy. We exchanged numbers, and I gave her a smile.
"Text me! You seem like a really sweet girl, and I would like to get to know you better." The smile she gave me was so genuine that it made me feel slightly better, even though what I said was basically a sweet nothing.