The following day arrives and I'm lying on top of the school roof, where Miu and I decided to meet from now on, enjoying the gentle breeze that accompanies me while waiting for Miu to arrive. I skipped class ten minutes early, so I didn't expect to see Miu here, too.
Today was the day I was supposed to share my "something" with her. I do have something in mind, but my mind can't help but tell me to not share it with her. If I keep opening up to her the weaker a human being I'll be.
The more I open up, the more it'll hurt when she eventually betrays me. Not to say that it's guaranteed that she'll betray me, but there's always a possibility that she will. Others may be okay with that risk, but I'm not. Every day I see others frolicking with their friends, lowering their walls, and taking risks. Is something wrong with me? Why can't I find it easy to lower my walls? Am I destined to be alone my entire life? Or will Miu be my savior and rescue me from the empty abyss that I've been in for my entire life?
Well, truth be told, not for my entire life. But I digress.
Should I lower my status as a human or should I keep up my AT Fields? God, I'm such a coward. For the first time in a long time, I found someone whom I feel a connection with. Why am I questioning whether I should let her in or not? Closed doors keep a house empty. But like she said, no matter how close they get, two people will always remain two separate people.
Happiness. Will I be able to find happiness on my own, or must I rely on others for something that I've never experienced? Is happiness even something that I must experience? I bet the majority of the human population, hell, I bet my life that the majority of all living beings across the entire universe have never experienced happiness. And all of them probably have never experienced true happiness.
No. No, Tsubasa. Let's not have these thoughts. We know what happens when you think like this. Of course, people have experienced true happiness. And you're bound to experience it, too. Just give it time, and I promise you'll know what it feels like to be truly happy.
God, I can't tell if I'm lying to myself or not. I don't even know what I would be lying to myself about. Why can't Miu be here with me? I want her, I need her. Please, Miu. I'll close my eyes and count down from three. Once I open them Miu will be here, right beside me.
Three.
Two.
One.
I open my eyes.
I don't believe it. It's Miu! She's lying down beside me! But, how? I didn't hear any footsteps coming up the stairs or the door opening. Is this all a dream? Overused. Am I schizophrenic and she's just one of my delusions? Too cliche. Is this not Miu, but actually The Devil, ready to take me to hell? Impossible. Is this a Martian that used its UFO's transporter to teleport it right next to me? No. This is Miu. My Miu. The Miu that I only know. The Miu that I can open up to. The Miu who opens up to me. The Miu who will save this poor excuse of a human from self-isolation from his species. Miu. The Miu that I think I—
"Why the hell are you just staring into my eyes with that shocked face you're wearing? It's creepy. Wipe it off and quit staring! Creep."
"Sorry, I was just shocked that you're here on the roof with me without me noticing. How did you get here?" As soon as I asked, the bell rang.
"Oh, I left class fifteen minutes early and came up here. Five minutes after I got here, I heard someone coming up here so I decided to hide. When I noticed it was you I decided to stay hidden to surprise you. I don't know why you closed your eyes, but I thought it'd be funny if I was the first thing you opened your eyes to. I can see that I startled you."
"You sure did. Well, anyway. Can I share with you my "something" now?"
"Of course buttercup!"
"Please refrain from ever calling me that again."
"Sure thing buttercup!" I ignored her this time.
"The "something" I want to share with you is my favorite song at the moment, Two Birds by Regina Spektor. Let's listen to it together."
"I'd love to listen to it buttercup!" Please God, if you're listening to this prayer, strike her down at once.
As we listen to the song, I notice that Miu closed her eyes and is concentrating on the music. This makes me happy. The final lyrics play.
"Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away and the other"
"Wow, Tsubasa, I really enjoyed this song." She didn't say buttercup. Maybe God did hear my prayer. "Do you think you're like any of the two birds?"
"I'd say I'm like the bird that doesn't want to leave the wire."
"Why'd you choose that bird"?
"There was a moment in my life when I was asked to follow someone somewhere. I chose not to accompany them. I still don't know if that was the right choice or not. I think I was the only other person they had and I betrayed them. I feel bad about it."
"If they asked you to go with them now, would you go?"
"Well, them asking me to again is impossible. But if they asked me to go with them, I'd blindly follow them to hell."
"Why would that be impossible?"
"…" I don't know how to answer. I could tell her the truth or I can choose to lie. I'm comfortable with opening up to Miu, but this is something that I didn't want to think about again. I think I'm going to—.
"Never mind that question. It was rude of me to ask. I apologize."
"Don't worry about it. I'll probably tell you about it another time." I lied.
"By the way, do you have any plans this Sunday?"
"I was probably going to study and then play some video games."
"Well, scratch that, we're going to the park."
I let out a deep sigh, "Sure, that sounds fine."
"Alright, then it's a date."
A "date" she says. "I'm looking forward to it." The bell once again rings, announcing our free time is over.
"See you then, buttercup."
There is no God.