Have you ever experienced the absurdity of playing a horrendous, frustrating, and poorly-designed game? A game that greets you with death the moment you start, and then forces you to endure endless loading screens before you can respawn.
Kazu out. No, wait, I'm dead.
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Haa!
As I open my eyes wide, I see the dark and damp cave around me. A sharp pain in my chest makes me look down. A half-broken metallic spear sticks out of my wound, dripping blood onto my clothes.
Is this really happening? Or am I still dreaming? The spear in my chest tells me otherwise. That is no ordinary nightmare. That is real.
The cave is silent, except for the occasional drip of water from the ceiling. The air is cold and damp, filling my lungs with a musty smell. This doesn't look like Earth anymore…
I clutch the spear with trembling hands, trying to pull it out of my chest. Tears stream down my face as I scream in agony. I recognize this place. I have been here before.
I feel dizzy and nauseous from the blood loss and the shock. How does this happen to me? How do I end up here again? What is going on?
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An hour passes.
My situation gets worse by the minute.
Despite the pain and weakness, I refuse to give up. With a trembling hand, I drag myself like a wounded animal across the ground. But every inch I move drains more of my life force. My vision blurs, my ears ring, my lungs burn. I can't go on. I fall to the ground with a thud.
My left cheek rests on the cold and hard ground. My hand looks like a pale and lifeless claw in front of me. Did I lose too much blood?
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I gazed at my hand, now reduced to a skeleton. The flesh had rotted away, and the skin had peeled off as if acid had corroded them. Had I lost all sensation? Had I become numb to everything?
I felt nothing.
I was barely holding on to my existence.
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Coldness and loneliness engulfed me. I was nothing but bones. How long had I been like this? I felt detached from everything.
Not again.
I sighed.
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How long had I been like this? Was it months? Years? Decades? I had no idea. It felt like an eternity.
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Suddenly, everything changed.
I felt a burning sensation as I melted into the ground. The surroundings changed too. The earth shifted beneath me, transforming faster than I could grasp. I felt a connection with the earth that went beyond my humanity. I tried to break free, but I couldn't. I was one with the earth, and the earth was one with me.
In the distance, there was an ocean, and the sun was setting. It was ironically beautiful. But fate had other plans.
The ground cracked and I fell.
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I am surrounded by darkness. I cannot see anything. It feels like I am trapped in a void, with no light, no sound, no hope.
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A loud and deafening explosion shakes the ground beneath me, and I am hurled into the air like a ragdoll. I feel a surge of discomfort as I soar through the sky, wondering, what now?
I see the landscape below me. It is a desolate and barren planet, with mountains and the sea as the only features. It is mostly covered with dry and cracked soil, devoid of any vegetation or life. There is nothing alive here.
Nothing at all.
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And then, I see them.
A spectacular meteor shower.
However, they are unlike anything I have ever seen before, almost magical. They resemble the beautiful and colorful aurora borealis, but each meteor has its own distinct hue. They glow brightly, creating a dazzling contrast with the dark sky.
BOOOOMMM!!!
Wow! That's huge!
Wait - suddenly, I realize this is no longer a simple meteor shower. It's more like an asteroid impact, similar to an extinction-level event, such as what happened to the dinosaurs millions of years ago, the kind that could wipe out all life on Earth. But there is no life here.
Well, maybe it's fine…
Fine! How could this be fine? I'm still here!!!
While I wondered what to do, a colossal one hits me directly. I could see a halo of fire blazing around it, ready to engulf me.
And everything plunges into darkness.
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As I open my eyes, I see nothing but green.
Green.
Green everywhere.
A sea of green grass envelops me. It is as soft as velvet and warm as a summer breeze. My body returns to its normal state. I wear my usual clothes: a white shirt, black pants, and my identification bracelet. But the bracelet crumbles in my hand, leaving no trace behind.
Life pulses around me. The air, the wind, the water, the sky… everything is vibrant and luminous. The leaves whisper secrets to me. The flowers perfume the air with their fragrance. The trees fill the air with their scent. The earth breathes with me.
A paradise.
I breathe in and out. Each breath brings me pleasure. No, this must be ecstasy. Joy and peace flood my lungs and course through my veins. I began to forget what had happened to me…
All I want is to breathe.
I suddenly remembered how my father used to meditate every morning. He said it calmed his mind and connected him with his spirit. I stopped thinking and wandered around until I found a large rock. I sat cross-legged on it and closed my eyes.
I feel the whole world. It is somehow linked to me. And I am linked to it. We are one.
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After waking up from that state, I don't know how long I have been there. The feeling of bliss and harmony has evaporated. It feels like a dream. A beautiful and vivid dream that I wish would never end. 'I want more', I whispered.
But when I came to, everything was shrouded in darkness. Pitch black. I couldn't see anything, not even my own hands. What had happened to my surroundings? Where was I? I was stuck.
Anxiety creeps up on me.
"Help! Help! Is anyone there?"
I try to move, but nothing happens. I am unable to budge.
My breathing becomes frantic. My chest constricts. A wave of panic and fear wash over me. I am terrified. Why now? After everything I have endured… Maybe because I know what is coming next. So far, everything has seemed like a dream, but this is more real than anything else.
The sense of impending doom.
"Help! I… I… can't…"
I can't finish my sentence. My chest squeezes, like a vice. A fire rages inside me. I… I can't think clearly…
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As I wake up, I feel somewhat refreshed.
But then…
I realize I am still here in this infernal place. I am still trapped in this gloomy and freezing place, with no way out. 'Not again', I think. I feel scared.
"No!!!" I shout.
"Please! Please! Anyone…"
I cry out for help while sobbing. I have never wept like this before. I feel so powerless and hopeless. 'Pathetic?' I ask myself. 'Who cares?'
Why? Why?
Why does this happen to me?
The air escapes from my lungs. I am… going to… black out…
My awareness slips away, as the pain and fear devour me. I wish for someone to rescue me, or at least end my suffering.
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What!
No! No! No!
I am still hopelessly trapped.
'Oh, please, God', I pray.
God? Yeah, I remembered, I met one. What was his name again? I forgot to ask. Should I call him? After all, he looks like my dad. He wouldn't ignore me, right?
"Father!! Dad!! Hey!! I know you can hear me!"
But then I remember. It was in the same cave I was in before he dragged me to his Drop Ship and after I was impaled by some kind of spear.
"Dad!!! No, dude!!! I know you know I'm here, can you stop messing around?" I shout desperately.
"Hey, what's your problem? Please take me somewhere else, I don't want to be here, I'm getting claustrophobic, please…"
…
"How about I tell you everything you want to know?"
He doesn't answer at all.
…
Forget it…
If he really wants to help, he would do so from the start. Sigh.
It's getting harder and harder to breathe.
It feels like someone is squeezing my throat. I gasp for air, but there is none left. The oxygen that filled my lungs when I woke up vanished like a mirage. How can this be? I wonder why the air gradually fades every time I woke up...
A sharp pain pierces my chest. Ahh! It feels like my heart is being crushed by a giant fist. I can't breathe. I'm suffocating.
I scan the surroundings, looking for an escape. But there is nothing. Only darkness and silence.
Anger and despair crash over me like a tidal wave, drowning me in hopelessness. What is his purpose in tormenting me? Why does he bring me back to this infernal realm and then forsake me? What kind of God is he?
I curse him with all my might. I loathe him with all my soul.
But it is futile. He cares not. He heeds me not. Fie.
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Curse this fate!
Shouting in vain, I realize that I'm still trapped in this infernal place. No matter how much I yell, nothing changes. This place is my cage.
I let out a long breath, feeling the stale air fill my lungs.
Why does this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this fate? Sigh.
I should stop questioning. It is useless and pointless.
It has been hours since I last woke up refreshed. When I stop yelling, oxygen seems to last longer. Is this how it is always going to be?
As the fear of being trapped fades away, it transforms into a deeper dread. I might be here for eternity… alone and forgotten. The dread of being helpless is choking and freezing me.
But, to my surprise…
I feel hungry. Am I starving? How come? Weird. No. The weirdest part is why now? Why do I feel hungry after so long?
My vision blurs and my head spins. I… I have…
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Despite my fainting, I'm still alive. I exhale in frustration. Should I feel relief?
I always wake up with a strange feeling of renewal. But it is fleeting and false. Darkness envelops me like a shroud, and the silence deafens me like a curse. Reminding me…
I am doomed. Fear grips me.
"Help! Is anyone there? Please, someone, get me out of here!" I shout in vain, hoping for a miracle.
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Do you want to know the worst part of my ordeal?
It is not the lack of air in the darkness, not the hunger pangs that torment my stomach.
The thirst… It gnaws at my insides, making me crave for a drop of water like a dying man in the desert. Water~, please, I plead in my mind, but my mouth is too dry, and my throat feels like sandpaper, making me cry out in pain.
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How long has it been? Days? Months? Years? I've lost track of time in this endless nightmare.
The only time I can think clearly is when I wake up from a brief slumber after losing consciousness.
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I resigned myself to my grim fate, wondering what heinous crime I had committed in my previous life to deserve this harsh sentence. Sigh. Complaining was like spitting against the wind; it only made me feel worse.
There is no point in asking questions that echo in the void. Why me? Why now? Why here? These are futile inquiries that only torment my mind.
Resist? No, I already tried that and failed. I attempted to escape, to scream, to fight. But it was all for naught. I'm just going to sit here, trapped, and do nothing. I feel my breathing becoming rougher but calmer.
Fear is slowly leaving me. I'm not afraid of death anymore. I'm just waiting for it to arrive.
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I used to think that doing nothing was boring, but I was wrong. Before, I would get bored just by imagining it, but then I realized that knowing and experiencing were not the same. Doing nothing was not boring; it was a blissful calmness that filled my soul. I just existed, and that was enough for me.
And that is what I need right now.