Caroline's jaw dropped and for one minute her mouth kept opening and closing as she stared at Cillian, utterly gobsmacked by his out of the blue proposal.
Cillian's lips twitched with an awkward smile since he completely understood her reaction. He would be that shocked too if he were in her shoes, considering that this was the first time ever they were meeting outside the hospital or having a conversation outside work.
Unable to find the right word to express her surprise, Caroline picked up her glass of water and drank from it to wet her throat which had suddenly become dry, while Cillian's gaze remained fixed on her.
Once Caroline was certain that she could speak again, she met Cillian's amused gaze, "Is this some sort of prank?"
"Do you think it is?" He asked and she nodded.
"It has to be," she said, and he smiled.
"And why would you think that?" He asked, wanting to pick her brain before he told her what he had in mind.
"It obviously has to be a prank. You barely know me. As a matter of fact, this is the first time you're seeing me in something other than my scrubs. And…"
"We are both very busy people, Caroline. Whatever little spare time we have is of the utmost importance to us. Do you think I would waste your time or mine to pull a prank on you?" He asked calmly as he gazed into her eyes, unsettling her.
"I don't understand," she said, her brows furrowed in confusion.
"I know. I understand your confusion. I know this is completely random," he said and she frowned.
"Does that mean you meant what you just said about me marrying you? It wasn't a slip of tongue or a prank?" She asked and he nodded.
"I meant every word of it. There is an explanation for it. If you would care to listen before you empty your glass of water or wine on me," he said with a small smile.
He meant it? He was asking her to marry him? How? Why? Caroline mused, and then reminded herself to focus since he was going to be telling her the why and how of it.
"I would never do that to you. But I'm listening. You can go on," she said, and Cillian smiled again.
This was one of the things he had noticed about her. She was both even tempered and mild mannered. And he liked that she was often logical too. He had picked up on all of that from her communication with others.
"Before I go on, I'd like to confirm something. Just so I'm sure I'm not mistaken," he said and she arched a brow.
"What?"
"Forgive me for being direct, but you do have a crush on me, don't you?" He asked, and watched as Caroline blushed crimson with embarrassment.
She hadn't realized that she had been so obvious with her affections for him to the point that he had noticed. As much as she would have loved to deny it right now for her pride's sake, a part of her knew it was useless to do so. And the other part of her wanted to know what that had to do with his proposal.
Was it possible that he was asking her to marry him because he also liked her and he was taking her obvious feelings for him as go ahead to express his interest in her?
But why ask her to marry him instead of asking that they be in a relationship first? Caroline mused, and once again she realized she was asking the wrong person the question. She should be directing her questions to Cillian directly and not herself.
Then again, she would have to first admit that she had feelings for him in order for the conversation to move forward, she mused as she avoided his questioning gaze.
"I didn't realize I was so obvious that you noticed. That must mean everyone else knows about it," she said and Cillian shook his head.
"I don't think so. You weren't all that obvious. I only noticed because things hardly get past me," he said and she forced a smile as she met his gaze.
"You don't have to feel embarrassed about it. I'm actually flattered that you find me attractive," he assured her and this time she smiled easily at his kindness.
"Now, about the reason for my proposal," he started, holding her gaze, "this is no grand declaration of love, since I'm in all honesty not cut out for any of that. I am not available emotionally, and neither do I plan to be in the future. But you, Caroline, have all the attributes and qualities I'd ordinarily want my wife and the mother of my kids to have. I've given it a lot of thought, and I would like you to be my wife."
Caroline looked at him in silence for a moment and then asked, "By this, I take it you don't mean I am to play your wife for a specified duration? It's a long term arrangement?" She asked, and he nodded.
"Yes. I wouldn't want to have kids without a mother or have a broken home. As unconventional as my offer might be, I am a conservative enough to want a home," he said even though he knew how selfish that was.
"Hence you said it was good for you, but I will have to decide if it's good for me," Caroline said thoughtfully and Cillian nodded.
"You don't have to give me a response right now…"
"So, it's going to be like a real marriage only that you are not going to be emotionally available to me?" Caroline cut in, wanting to understand what he was offering.
"Yes. But you can be rest assured that I will take care of you and the kids that we'll have together."
"Of course, you will. But I will like to know, what is in it for me? What do I stand to get apart from being married to a man I have a crush on?" Caroline asked and Cillian smiled, pleased that she was asking a logical question.
Not many were as pragmatic as she was and that again confirmed his decision on her.