At that fateful moment, positioned to jump upon him, when I was about to stab the knife in his neck. An overwhelming realization halted me in my tracks. Instead of stabbing I patted his shoulder.
And backed away muttering in my mind
"No! No! He is a gentleman. I can't kill him," I exclaimed, removing the dark thoughts that had momentarily consumed my mind.
Still Disoriented and shaken because of my previous murder attempt, I turned around and ran away trying to flee from the scene, my grip still clenched tightly around the knife,its sharp edge glowed while birthing question within my mind 'Why in the world I possess this knife?'
This sick state of my existence is an agonizing reality. These uncontrolled desire to commit acts of violence surfaces in mine mind,when annoyance towards others becomes unbearable, generating an internal battle of conflicting thoughts and intrusive impulses.
In this state I find myself trapped between two opposing mindsets—one fixated on only thoughts of murder, while the other relentlessly tried to suppress them.
Such mental problem had forcibly drove me to seek help from my beautifull psychiatric.
I wonder when is my next appointment.
After all and Above all, I am desperately determined to not to transform into a psychotic serial killer, wreaking havoc and extinguishing lives indiscriminately.
No thank you.
In this democratic nation of Japan, the revelation of my condition would undoubtedly be used againtes me, after all every human need and object to blame,every person want someone that is a trash,a dummy that take the role of victom for ths source of enjoyment.
And at the end the will do same to me branding me as a deviant and subjecting me to ruthless bullying, reinforcing the very circumstances that could push me towards embracing my burdening psychopathic tendencies.
After a considerable passage of time, i stood on front of an black car.
Driven by an inexplicable urge to drive , I reached out and seized hold of the car's door.
As I nestled myself into the driver's seat, a rush of excitement surged through my veins,I was unable to contain the anticipation that welled up within me. I Igniting the engine,
With careful precision, I guided it towards mechanic shop, expertly Parking it into the confines of the garage.
As I stood outside the garage, a sense of realization started to dawn upon me, nudging at the edges of my thoughts.
'again i am late,' I muttered,Even though my job didn't start until the afternoon,
I sighed at the thought of my boss's relentless scolding.
'Fuck it, maybe I should just kill my boss,'an intrusive thought blurted in my mind.
'No! No, why on earth would I consider such a thing' I exclaimed, desperately rejecting the notion.
But then, a disturbing question arose: "Regardless of that, how many bosses would I have to kill?"
'And on the second note how should i discard the bodies.'
'No, no, why the hell am I even entertaining these murderous thoughts?'
Lost in the battle between my intrusive thoughts, I found myself standing before the impressive library. The grand four-story building emanated an aura of knowledge and wisdom,
As I stepped inside, the hushed atmosphere of the library enveloped me,
However, my peace was abruptly interrupted by a worker, whose expression remained stoic as he addressed me in a monotone tone. His sudden appearance brought me back to reality.
"Hey, Onver, please clean the second floor?".
I was tempted to ignore his request, shaking my head in refusal. But before I could respond, he added, "I have some work to attend,Thanks for your understanding. "
I scowled at his retreating figure, frustrated by his lack of understanding for the mute, as I nodded my head wordlessly. The thought crossed my mind, fueled by irritation,
'Should I kill him so he stops dumping his work on me?'
Yet again, I fought against the violent thoughts . Instead, I accepted their workload and diligently completed the tasks, surrendering to the cycle of never-ending responsibilities.
I found myself unknowingly standing at the reception desk, where piles of books surrounded me.
Receiving visitors, taking messages, making appointments, and arranging for meetings.
As a receptionist at the library, my duty involved sorting out that thing.
I just wrote down answers on the page and the visitor thought that I didn't want to disturb the people of the library.
Immerse in my work, I barely noticed as other workers and assistants piled their tasks upon me, burdening me further. The frown etched deeply on my face as I shook my head in frustration.
I couldn't help but, 'Should I just obliterate this building?'But once again, I vehemently rejected the idea.
Thus, I continued to grapple with conflicting thoughts and the perpetual demands of life. The time came to close the library,
Despite closing not being my official responsibility, I had spent ten long hours diligently completing my tasks and even taking on additional responsibilities that didn't belong to me. It was an all too familiar routine as a cleaning worker closed the library, not me.
As I walked away from the library,
I went to the garage and picked up the car. I drive the car homeward on the empty highway, I find solace in the peacefulness of the empty road.
Necoming on with the ghostly silent of the midnight, I nod approvingly at the scene, feeling refreshed in my mind. An idea springs to life within me—' I should buy a car!'The beat of a song fills my ears, adding to the excitement.
My attention is diverted as I notice a car tailing me closely, causing me to give way for them to overtake me. Curiously, they reduce their speed when I deaccelerate. It dawns on me that they are trouble.
Increasing my speed i tried to leave them behind , the outside world becomes a blur, the wind rushing through the open window, collidied with my skin ,the space withing the car carrying the distinct scent of the sentizer .
And at the last aspect a car chasing me from behind.
'Wow, this is quite an adventure,' I muse to myself.
'Should I stop and ask them thier reason? like a gentle man?'I contemplate, only to be reminded of my unfortunate muteness.
A red car suddenly emerges in front of me, speeding in the wrong direction. My heart tightens with fear, and beads of sweat form on my forehead.t at that moment, time seems to slow down, as if urging me to save myself.
My perception shifts, allowing me to witness every detail of the approaching car.
My senses heighten, the car I'm in drifts skillfully, narrowly avoiding a collision with the oncoming vehicle. How I managed it, I do not know. Instead, the car in front of me collides with the pursuing black car, causing a powerful explosion.
'Beautiful!' I exclaim, momentarily captivated by the destructive beauty.
Once again, I am consumed by the allure of devastation. The radiant flames, like a morning star, gleam ominously, revealing the trapped human inside the engulfed car.
Their screams resonate in my mind, melodious and haunting. The acrid sent of burning flesh brings me a perverse satisfaction, the intense heat heightening my senses and making me feel alive as if the it could scorch me whole.
'Satisfied!…'
But then, I snap back to reality, realizing that I am still being pursued. I must flee. Just as I prepare to restart the car and escape, the sound of a gunshot rips through the air—boom!
And needles Like object hung on my chest.
Oddly, I feel no pain; the injection must be anaesthetizing me. As the effects take hold, my body becomes immobile, completely dependent on the anesthesia grip.
Gradually, peculiarly dressed individuals approach my car. With a crash and a boom, they dismantle the door and forcefully drag me out by the neck.
As they haul me away, I observe a pale hand adorned with a black line, reminiscent of what I saw in my dream.
That sight fills me with terror, contemplating unimaginable reasons for their actions. To my astonishment, their faces matched exactly what I saw in my dream, mirroring those of the car's assailants.
Fearfully, my thoughts echo: 'Is he among them?'I started to scan my surroundings, denying the possibility as I desperately search for him.
'No! No!' I whisper, fearing the realization that he may be becoming a reality.
As my gaze wanders to the spot where the two cars collided, I saw him there.
'And there he is. '
And there he was, a terrifying figure amidst the raging flames. His form glowed ominously within the fiery inferno, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. I gazed upon him in sheer horror, unable to avert my eyes.
His eyeless sockets stared back at me as if inviting me to peer into the abyss. The absence of his nose created an eerie void, resembling an empty canal.
His skull, grotesquely severed, revealed a deluge of oozing brain matter. And his chest, torn open, laid bare both of his hearts. Yet, this time, his heart glowed with a silver hue, emitting a haunting radiance.
He stood in the distance, emerging from the explosive blast, and making his way towards me. A genuine smile adorned his face, unsettlingly juxtaposed against the chaos surrounding us.
He perched atop the car in the middle of the highway, his lips moving as he tried to convey something.
Though I could hear his words, my mind denied their significance."No!" I pleaded desperately."Please, no. No! "I exclaimed, my thoughts resisting the unfolding reality. Overwhelmed and devastated, I muttered, "It's already too much."
Then, with a chilling smile, he uttered the words that would haunt me.
"I... will... be... back," he intoned, his voice dripping with malevolence.
Just like that.
I fall into the unconsciousness,